Part 52 (1/2)
”I object to any eyes that are critical,” she said, in a cool, high voice, with a turn of her neck. ”Are there many of these old rooms left in the Abbey?”
”Not many. There is a fine cloistered court with a long gallery above it. But the finest bit of all is turned into stables. It is part of the old church. When I improved the place I made the most of every other bit; but it was out of my reach to change the stables, so the horses have the benefit of the fine old choir. You must go and see it.”
”I shall like to see the horses as well as the building,” said Gwendolen.
”Oh, I have no stud to speak of. Grandcourt will look with contempt at my horses,” said Sir Hugo. ”I've given up hunting, and go on in a jog-trot way, as becomes an old gentlemen with daughters. The fact is, I went in for doing too much at this place. We all lived at Diplow for two years while the alterations were going on: Do you like Diplow?”
”Not particularly,” said Gwendolen, with indifference. One would have thought that the young lady had all her life had more family seats than she cared to go to.
”Ah! it will not do after Ryelands,” said Sir Hugo, well pleased.
”Grandcourt, I know, took it for the sake of the hunting. But he found something so much better there,” added the baronet, lowering his voice, ”that he might well prefer it to any other place in the world.”
”It has one attraction for me,” said Gwendolen, pa.s.sing over this compliment with a chill smile, ”that it is within reach of Offendene.”
”I understand that,” said Sir Hugo, and then let the subject drop.
What amiable baronet can escape the effect of a strong desire for a particular possession? Sir Hugo would have been glad that Grandcourt, with or without reason, should prefer any other place to Diplow; but inasmuch as in the pure process of wis.h.i.+ng we can always make the conditions of our gratification benevolent, he did wish that Grandcourt's convenient disgust for Diplow should not be a.s.sociated with his marriage with this very charming bride. Gwendolen was much to the baronet's taste, but, as he observed afterward to Lady Mallinger, he should never have taken her for a young girl who had married beyond her expectations.
Deronda had not heard much of this conversation, having given his attention elsewhere, but the glimpses he had of Gwendolen's manner deepened the impression that it had something newly artificial.
Later, in the drawing-room, Deronda, at somebody's request, sat down to the piano and sang. Afterward, Mrs. Raymond took his place; and on rising he observed that Gwendolen had left her seat, and had come to this end of the room, as if to listen more fully, but was now standing with her back to every one, apparently contemplating a fine cowled head carved in ivory which hung over a small table. He longed to go to her and speak. Why should he not obey such an impulse, as he would have done toward any other lady in the room? Yet he hesitated some moments, observing the graceful lines of her back, but not moving.
If you have any reason for not indulging a wish to speak to a fair woman, it is a bad plan to look long at her back: the wish to see what it screens becomes the stronger. There may be a very sweet smile on the other side. Deronda ended by going to the end of the small table, at right angles to Gwendolen's position, but before he could speak she had turned on him no smile, but such an appealing look of sadness, so utterly different from the chill effort of her recognition at table, that his speech was checked. For what was an appreciative s.p.a.ce of time to both, though the observation of others could not have measured it, they looked at each other--she seeming to take the deep rest of confession, he with an answering depth of sympathy that neutralized all other feelings.
”Will you not join in the music?” he said by way of meeting the necessity for speech.
That her look of confession had been involuntary was shown by that just perceptible shake and change of countenance with which she roused herself to reply calmly, ”I join in it by listening. I am fond of music.”
”Are you not a musician?”
”I have given a great deal of time to music. But I have not talent enough to make it worth while. I shall never sing again.”
”But if you are fond of music, it will always be worth while in private, for your own delight. I make it a virtue to be content with my middlingness,” said Deronda, smiling; ”it is always pardonable, so that one does not ask others to take it for superiority.”
”I cannot imitate you,” said Gwendolen, recovering her tone of artificial vivacity. ”To be middling with me is another phrase for being dull. And the worst fault I have to find with the world is, that it is dull. Do you know, I am going to justify gambling in spite of you. It is a refuge from dullness.”
”I don't admit the justification,” said Deronda. ”I think what we call the dullness of things is a disease in ourselves. Else how can any one find an intense interest in life? And many do.”
”Ah, I see! The fault I find in the world is my own fault,” said Gwendolen, smiling at him. Then after a moment, looking up at the ivory again, she said, ”Do _you_ never find fault with the world or with others?”
”Oh, yes. When I am in a grumbling mood.”
”And hate people? Confess you hate them when they stand in your way--when their gain is your loss? That is your own phrase, you know.”
”We are often standing in each other's way when we can't help it. I think it is stupid to hate people on that ground.”
”But if they injure you and could have helped it?” said Gwendolen with a hard intensity unaccountable in incidental talk like this.
Deronda wondered at her choice of subjects. A painful impression arrested his answer a moment, but at last he said, with a graver, deeper intonation, ”Why, then, after all, I prefer my place to theirs.”