Part 14 (1/2)

aI want you to think of this as medicine,a Wolfe said. aIt will ease the last of the coldness inside you.a aHow did you know I feel cold inside?a He shrugged. aIave known the black ice of fear. Itas not something you forget.a Startled, she watched him with wide aquamarine eyes. aYou?a Wolfe smiled at her look of disbelief. aMany times.a aWhen?a aOne of the worst times was when I saw a bull buffalo thundering toward Lord Robert after his horse stepped in a prairie dog hole and went down. I was the length of the herd from him, riding bareback at a dead gallop. I had seen Cheyenne hunters killed by buffalo. I knew what would happen if I missed my shot.a aYou didnat miss.a aNo, I didnat. But sometimes I think it would have been better if I had.a When Wolfe saw the shock in Jessicaas face, the corner of his mouth turned down. Silently, he encouraged her to take a drink of brandy. She swallowed, grimaced, and swallowed again.

aI didnat mean I wished Lord Robert dead,a Wolfe said finally. aBut if I hadnat made such a spectacular shot, he would have left me with the Cheyenne. I was thirteen, just coming into the mysteries of being a warrior.a Jessica watched Wolfe over the rim of the brandy gla.s.s, her eyes intent, reflecting the dance of candlelight.

aMaybe it wouldnat have made any difference if I had stayed,a Wolfe said, shrugging. aI was never fully Cheyenne. Part of me was always fascinated by the land across the sea where my father lived. Yet I was never fully British. Too much of me belonged to campfires and wild lands. The viscountas b.l.o.o.d.y savage.a She made a soft sound of protest.

Wolfe shrugged again. aIn the end I became neither Indian nor British. I became a man who chooses his own way, his own rules, his own life.a aA Western man.a He smiled oddly. aYes. A man with neither home nor family, and a past that was too painful to keep.a For a moment, Wolfe looked beyond Jessica. The sadness in his expression was almost tangible. Tears stung her eyes once more, for she knew what he was thinking: He was a Western man married to a woman who was all wrong for him.

aWolfe,a she said huskily.

aFinish the brandy, elf. Then Iall bathe your face and hands with rosewater. Afterward, if you like, Iall hold you so that you donat hear the wind while you fall asleep.a Jessica started to speak, only to have Wolfeas thumb press gently against her lips.

aDrink up. It will take the knots from your muscles almost as well as a rubdown.a Memories of the night Wolfe had rubbed scented oil into Jessicaas aching body leaped between them like invisible lightning.

aDonat worry, Jessi,a he said matter-of-factly. aI wonat ever frighten you like that again. You donat have to fight for your life with me.a Eyes closed, Jessica lifted the gla.s.s and drained the last of the fragrant brandy, wondering why she felt unhappy rather than relieved.

aWolfe?a She coughed and swallowed quickly. aAre alla”that isa”are mosta”a She coughed again.

aSlow down, elf.a Wolfe eased Jessica back onto the pillows and tucked the fur blanket up over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. aLet yourself relax.a He reached into the basin of warm water, retrieved a linen cloth, and wrung it out. Gently he washed her face, removing the trail of tears.

aWolfe?a He made a questioning sound that was rather like the purr of a very large cat.

aI thought all marriages were like my motheras,a Jessica said.

aI realize that. Now.a aBut they arenat, are they?a aNo.a aEven in the marriage bed?a aEspecially there,a Wolfe said, wringing out the cloth. aIf there is affection between husband and wife, the marriage bed is a place of pleasure for both of them. If there is loveaif there is love, I suspect that paradise holds no greater joy.a The cloth moved gently down Jessicaas arm. For long moments, the scented cloth lay over the sensitive inside of her wrist, where life pulsed softly beneath fine-grained skin.

aMost men,a Wolfe continued as he smoothed the cloth over her palm and fingers, aarenat drunken or cruel. They take no pleasure in a womanas pain.a Jessica watched Wolfe with wide, intent eyes.

aAny man worthy of the name knows his own strength,a Wolfe continued. aHe knows that women are more delicately made, more slow to burn with pa.s.sion; but once a woman burns, there is no fire to equal it, not even a manas. She will share that fire generously with a careful partner.a aDespite the pain?a aAn aroused woman feels only pleasure when she holds a man inside her body. That shared fire is the sweetest kind of burning. For both of them.a aFire without pain,a Jessica whispered, remembering.

A wave of desire went through Wolfe, but nothing of his response showed as he turned away to rinse the cloth once more.

aYes,a he said, as he bathed Jessicaas other arm. aFire without pain.a Motionless, she watched Wolfe with clear, steady eyes, loving the black angles of his eyebrows, the slightly s.h.a.ggy thickness of his hair, the bottomless indigo twilight of his eyes, and the sharply defined peaks of his upper lip.

aWhen the fire is finally quenched,a Wolfe continued, drawing the cloth down Jessicaas arm, athere is the serenity of lying together in the dark and knowing you have found your true mate. There is a rightness in being joined that goes all the way to the soul. There is power as well, the power of being able to summon ecstasy at will. Itas a G.o.dlike power. Itas the power of creation, of life itself.a aHave youa”a Jessicaas voice broke as sadness overwhelmed her. When she spoke again, it was a bare whisper. aHave you known that with a woman?a aIave had lovers. Surely that doesnat surprise you.a aI wasnat talking about your penchant for d.u.c.h.esses.a Wolfe looked up from the slender fingers he wanted to kiss and saw tears magnifying Jessicaas eyes until they were extraordinary gems.

aWhat are you trying to ask me?a Wolfe said.

She closed her eyes and whispered, aHave you lain in the darkness with your true mate and felt the rightness of it all the way to your soul?a aIf I had, I would have married. Yet I know that kind of closeness can exist between a man and a woman.a Jessica started to ask how Wolfe knew if he had never experienced it, but the answer came from her own knowledge.

aCaleb and Willow.a aYes,a Wolfe agreed. aCaleb and Willow.a Sadness caught in Jessicaas throat. aIsa”doesa”that isa”oh, blazes,a she said despairingly, unable to order her scattering thoughts.

Wolfeas thumb pressed lightly against her lips. aSlow down, elf. Youall get yourself tied in knots again. Would you like more brandy?a aIall get muzzled,a she muttered beneath his thumb.

He smiled gently. aI donat think so. Youave had only a teaspoon or two.a When Wolfe started to get up from the bed, Jessicaas hands closed around his powerful wrist.

aWolfe? What ifa”that isa”do only people like Willow and Caleb find pleasure ina”in touching?a A slow, very male smile was all the answer Jessica needed.

aYou donat have to be a paragon, if thatas what you mean,a Wolfe said.

aWould youa”a Jessicaas voice broke. She took a deep breath and held onto Wolfeas wrist as though it were a lifeline. aTouch me. Teach me.a Wolfeas eyes widened, then narrowed in response to the elemental tightening of his body. aI wonat take you, Jessi. That would make annulment impossible. Iam the wrong husband for you. Youare the wrong wife for me. Lying with you would be the worst mistake of my life.a For an instant, Jessicaas nails bit deeply into Wolfeas wrist. Then she released him and lay back with her eyes closed, too ashamed even to look at him any longer.

aSorry,a she said tonelessly. aFor a moment I forgot what you thought of me. You should have let me go to the wind. It would have been kinder. But then, you havenat felt kindly toward me since the night I ran to your room after Lord Gore attacked me.a aJessi, you arenat thinking at all,a Wolfe said. His fingers went from Jessicaas pale cheek to the soft curve of her mouth. aOr have you decided you want to be pregnant?a Her eyes flew open. They were dark with fear, haunted by nightmare.

aDonat panic,a he said calmly. aI said I wasnat going to take you. I meant it. Weare just wrong for each other as man and wife.a aI canat let you go. Iam sorry, but I canat. The thought of lying beneath the likes of Lord Goreaa Revulsion rippled visibly through Jessicaas body.

aNot all lords are brutal sots.a She simply shut her eyes and shook her head. Candlelight twisted and ran through her hair like threads of fire. Wolfeas fingertips traced one of the long locks so softly that Jessica didnat feel his touch.

aThere are young, handsome, decent lords in Britain,a Wolfe said, lifting his hand. aIall see that Lady Victoria finds one for you.a aI would sooner marry the wind than suffer a manas touch.a aAnd a halfbreed is somehow not quite a man, is that it?a Wolfe asked harshly.

Her eyes flew open in astonishment. aI never said that or anything like it!a aDidnat you?a Wolfe leaned over, flattening his hands on either side of Jessicaas body. aFirst you ask me to touch you, then you say youall never suffer a manas touch. Am I not a man?a aBut you are so much more than other men,a she whispered. With trembling fingertips she traced the black line of Wolfeas eyebrows and the fierce brackets on either side of his mouth. aSo much moreaa Wolfe couldnat prevent the primitive s.h.i.+ver of response that went through him at Jessicaas words, at her touch, at the emotion in her eyes.

aJessi,a he breathed, shaken. He turned his head and kissed her fingertips, then spoke before he could think better of it. aThere are ways of touching that will give you intense pleasure, yet leave you still a virgin. Do you understand me?a Slowly, she shook her head, watching him with luminous eyes.

aI can give you ecstasy without taking your maidenhead,a Wolfe said simply.

Jessicaas eyes widened.

He smiled. aOh, elf, the look on your faceaa aIs such a thing possible?a she asked, ignoring the heat creeping up her cheeks.

aQuite possible. There will be no pain for you, no risk of pregnancy. You will be a virgin still.a aHow can that be?a Wolfe bent down and brushed his lips against Jessicaas ear. aIall show you, but youall have to help me.a aHow?a aIall show you that, too.a

13.

V ERY gently, Wolfeas fingers slid into the wild, silky depths of Jessicaas hair. He rubbed her scalp slowly.

aYou have wonderful hands,a she said, sighing. aThey quite unravel me.a Smiling, Wolfe traced the rim of Jessicaas ear with his tongue. She made a startled sound as sensations coursed through her, leaving a trail of gooseb.u.mps on her arms.

aSuch a tiny cry,a he said. aDid I frighten you?a Jessica shook her head and watched him with heavy-lidded eyes. The scent of roses curled up from her unbound hair. Wolfeas nostrils flared as he took in the scent.

aTell me how it made you feel,a he murmured.

aIs that how you want me to help you?a aThatas one way.a aYou made me feel s.h.i.+very and yet very still at the same time,a Jessica said, watching Wolfe. aI think a rosebud must feel that way at the first touch of the sun.a Wolfeas breath came out in a silent rush as he fought for control. aYou humble me, Jessi.a She would have asked why, but the tip of Wolfeas tongue was tracing her ear once more, drawing forth another delicate tremor of sensation. Her breath caught again.

aI didnat know,a she said.

aWhat?a he murmured against her ear.

aHow sensitive my ear was.a She sighed and stretched her neck, silently offering herself to his mouth. aAnd how good my Lord Wolfeas tongue feels.a His heartbeat paused, then deepened as sleek talons of need sank into his body. He nuzzled Jessicaas soft earlobe before he caught it very gently between his teeth. He heard her breath break, then unravel in a s.h.i.+vering sigh.

aAnd your Lord Wolfeas teeth,a he whispered. aHow do you like them?a Jessicaas answer was to arch her neck while her hands pushed her long hair above her head, baring her neck and ear to his mouth. With a rather fierce smile, Wolfe accepted her offering. His tongue traced her ear once more, spiraling inward until she gasped at the warm penetration. He continued the rhythmic strokes until her voice broke over his name. Slowly he released her and lifted his head, enjoying the sight of her half-closed eyes and her hair fanned over the pillow.

aIs that all?a Jessica asked wistfully.

Laughing softly, Wolfe shook his head. aWhere would you like to be kissed next?a aWhere else would it feel that good?a aThere are places where it will feel even better.a Jessicaas eyes widened as she read the confidence in Wolfe. aTruly?a aOh yes.a Wolfe looked from her parted lips to the curves of her body beneath the covers. aBut youall have to keep helping me.a aDoes that mean I get to bite your ear?a The combination of mischief and innocent pa.s.sion in Jessicaas voice made Wolfe laugh even as he felt the vital hardening of his body.

aIt means I want you to keep telling me how it feels when I touch you,a Wolfe said.