Part 11 (1/2)

She called for the bill, paid it, and they walked home together in the grey dawn. Agnes stopped at the front door to pull off her shoes. By the time she entered the flat, he was lying curled up on her bed, asleep.

She covered him with a blanket.

A few hours later, Justin stirred. He blinked open his eyes and found Agnes sitting next to him.

She looked down, her face kind. 'h.e.l.lo.'

Her voice sent a thousand volts of electricity through him, turned him one-dimensional with need.

'Are you feeling any better?'

He couldn't think and he couldn't help himself. He reached up and kissed her, kissed her so unselfconsciously and with so much purity of intent that she put her better instincts on hold and kissed him back.

This is the way the world ends...

She felt generous, relieved, excited by the intensity of his desire. I am helping him, she lied.

He didn't unb.u.t.ton her top, just slipped his hands underneath to the warm s.p.a.ce next to her skin, pressing his mouth to her face and her neck, so that by the time she reconsidered, remembered that this was Justin, mad Justin dancing on the head of a pin like a deranged angel, by that time it was too late, and it no longer mattered much who he was.

This is the way the world ends...

There was another explosion, this time inside his brain. Afterwards he felt calm, for the first time since the crash. The love overflowed his body and filled the room.

He's very nice like this, Agnes thought.

Instead of falling asleep, he stared and stared at her as if she were all he required till the end of time.

It was flattering to be stared at that way.

And then he buried his head in her arms and cried, told her how amazing she was, how kind, how generous, how wise. He clung to her as the oxygen in the room grew thin, depleted by too many intakes of breath and outpourings of love. She needed to get up, run away, escape his overpowering need and the knowledge that she had done something she wished she hadn't.

This is the way the world ends...

It was the sharp edge of charity that compelled her to stay until he fell asleep again, after which she crept out of bed, showered, left him a note, and with a mingled feeling of relief and guilt, shut the door behind her and went out.

Not with a bang but a whimper.

31.

Agnes phoned his parents. She had promised not to tell them about his presence at the airport, but in her opinion he needed help. Or more to the point, she did. She hoped they would come and get him or at least suggest an alternative solution to what Agnes felt wasn't entirely her problem.

His mother, however, merely thanked Agnes for allowing him to stay. 'You're terribly kind to have him. We really don't know what to do. Before he went to Wales he just drifted around the house like a ghost.'

Agnes stared at the phone.

'His father and I keep hoping he'll grow out of it.'

Agnes shook her head in disbelief. Grow out of it? But how? He is it. 'I think you should come and see him.'

'Yes,' said his mother.

'Tomorrow.'

Agnes put down the phone. Some people just shouldn't be parents, she thought. Like me, now.

Justin's mother arrived with Charlie as Agnes was going out. They met at the door.

'I'm sorry to run off,' Agnes said. 'Justin's still asleep. He was out late again, searching for his dog.' She looked hard at the other woman, who fussed with her gloves.

His dog's gone missing? thought Charlie.

'I have to go, but make yourself at home.' Agnes sighed. 'There's tea and coffee in the kitchen.'

While his mother hovered uncertainly, Charlie toddled over to the sofa where Justin lay sleeping, steadied himself against the edge, and leant in close. Justin opened his eyes to find his brother's face just inches away from his own.

'Charlie?'

What's happened to you? Charlie asked.

Justin propped himself up on one arm. His eyes burned. 'I was right,' he said, in a conspiratorial whisper. 'A plane tried to land on me. n.o.body believes me but I was right. And Boy's missing.' His voice broke. 'I think he's dead.'

Charlie watched his brother's hands, fluttering and nervy, the fingers raw and bitten to the quick.

'David?'

Justin sat up as his mother kissed him awkwardly.

'How was Wales, darling?'

Whales? What whales? Wails?

'How was the weather? Were the tents waterproof? Was the scenery nice? What about the food?'

He closed his eyes.

'There was a terrible plane crash while you were away.' She shook her head. 'Nothing's safe these days.'

He didn't respond and she accepted his silence, having lost her parental bearings so completely that she no longer knew what sort of behaviour to expect from him.

'Perhaps you should come home, darling. You don't look terribly well.'