Chapter 20.2 (1/2)
Deep in the Act
Translator: Kotoni
Editor: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Chapter 20.2 (NSFW)
As soon as he began to make a show of wrapping up the session, Gao Zhun spoke up again. ”There's this painting by Cézanne ent.i.tled The Rape. Have you ever seen it before?”
It was a painting with powerful visual impact: in the evening forest, a virile, crimson-colored man stands amidst blue livid rocks, crus.h.i.+ng the waist of a pallid woman in his plundering grip. Fang Chi had indeed encountered the painting before in a cognitive psychology cla.s.s, but he replied in the negative. ”Describe the painting for me.”
”There's…” Gao Zhun struggled to organize his speech. ”There's a man… and a woman, in the wilderness… and he's forcing himself upon her. That's how Justin forces himself on me in the dream.” He no longer knew how he should be facing Fang Chi. Covering his nose and mouth in mortification, he continued, ”I fought back - I really did - but he wouldn't let me go. I was desperate. I kept writhing and twisting but it was useless…”
Fang Chi was fully erect now. He hated the rampant s.e.xual desire within himself, but was even more vexed by his own unprofessional reaction to stress. Yet, in the end, he directed all of his frustrations at Gao Zhun instead. Taking out his anger on the other man, he asked, ”You still felt pleasure, didn't you?”
”I…” Gao Zhun wanted to refute the accusation, but he could not find any means to defend himself no matter how hard he tried.
”The experience of pleasure in a dream may translate into actual bodily reactions,” Fang Chi went on. Then, with deliberate movements, he shook his head at Gao Zhun - a non-verbal sign of disapproval. ”It's possible that you woke up to find that you'd come in your sleep.”
”No I didn't!” Gao Zhun sprung up from his seat in agitation and rushed to confess with reddened eyes, ”Never with him!”
Fang Chi stared at him with a provocative glint in his eyes. ”If not with him, then with whom?”
Gao Zhun's mouth was open, but he could not utter a single word. With a quiver of his lashes, he collapsed back into his chair. Fang Chi knew Gao Zhun all too well. The slightest hint of gentleness from him was all the other man needed to tell him everything he wanted to know. ”Tell me, who was it?”
With a bob of his Adam's apple, Gao Zhun closed his eyes in shame. ”You. With you…”
”That one time?” Fang Chi asked, referring to the dream in which Gao Zhun had turned into a woman. But Gao Zhun replied unexpectedly with foolish honesty, ”Every single time.”
Fang Chi's pen rolled off his knee and fell onto the floor with a clink. A slight quaver in his voice, Fang Chi asked, ”It has happened many times?”
Clutching the fabric of his trousers in panic, Gao Zhun blurted out, ”I'm sorry…” He repeated himself over and over again. ”I'm sorry for soiling you! I'm shameless! I'm sick and filthy!”
Fang Chi struggled to gather his thoughts. ”Was I just like them? Did I… force myself on you?”
”No.” Gao Zhun hung his head. ”I was always willing when I was with you.”
Fang Chi's heart began pounding madly in his chest; he could no longer keep up his appearance of a professional therapist. ”What's this talk of willingness…”
”It's true,” Gao Zhun breathed, vulnerable and on the brink of tears. ”In those dreams, I'd feel something entering me from behind. Something burning hot, grinding hard into me. I'd try to fight back. I keep pus.h.i.+ng and kicking, but then I'd see your face and I just…”
Fang Chi's breathing became rapid and shallow. Forcefully pressing down on the notebook in his lap, he prompted, ”Go on. I want to hear about these dreams.”
Immersed in his own world, Gao Zhun murmured with a note of self-reproach, ”I couldn't believe it was you at first. I touched your face, lightly… You crushed me to yourself. You lay on top of me and panted into my skin. It didn't hurt as much anymore, so my legs… opened even wider, of their own accord. I knew it was only a dream, so I clung to you and cried on your shoulder.”