Chapter 8.2 (1/2)
Deep in the Act
Translator: Kotoni
Editor: Isalee
First Published on Chaleuria
Chapter 8.2
In less than five minutes, Fang Chi was fully dressed and driving his Volvo up the slope to the exit of the underground parking garage in total darkness. It was not much brighter outside: there was no moon in the sky since it was the beginning of the lunar month; only the weak yellow light from the street lamps offered any illumination in the night. Bringing his speed to 120 kph, he tore down the road wildly with all the recklessness of a rebellious youth.
Fang Chi was surprised by his own impetuousness. In his first relations.h.i.+p, he once cycled across nearly the entire city just to catch a single glimpse of his girlfriend. But even then, he never felt the way he was feeling now. Adrenaline roared through his system and his chaotic heartbeat thundered in his ears. He reached Gao Zhun's estate in under twenty minutes and saw a lone figure in the distance, standing frail and thin under the only street lamp in sight.
Fang Chi turned off the ignition and dashed out immediately, abandoning his car haphazardly by the roadside. Gao Zhun looked in his direction. He must be scared out of his wits. He was too terrified to even fall asleep… Fang Chi could not imagine how he managed to walk so far in the dark all by himself.
Despite having seen Fang Chi, Gao Zhun still could not bring himself to walk out of the ring of light. Standing in his suit and tie, his hair falling loosely over his brow, Gao Zhun seemed more fragile than ever. Fang Chi came up to him, breathing erratically. There they stood, at the end of the extraordinary journey each had taken just to see the other, almost bursting with feeling: feelings that had grown with every step of their respective journeys, feelings that had to be contained at all costs.
After all, they were simply therapist and patient: nothing more than two adults - two men - rationally trying to maintain an appropriate distance from each other.
As Fang Chi swept his gaze over Gao Zhun from head to toe to make sure he was alright, he caught sight of a tightly clenched fist. ”What's that in your hand?”
Looking as if he had barely recovered from the rapture of seeing Fang Chi, Gao Zhun stretched out his hand with hesitation and slowly relaxed his fingers to reveal a crushed name card in his grip. Fang Chi recognized it with a single glance: it was the same card that he had pulled from the stack in his card holder and given to Gao Zhun at their first meeting.
”I needed it to call you. After that, I just…” Gao Zhun seemed a little shy as he began to explain.
He lied. Fang Chi peered at him with a steady gaze. It would not be possible to get into a suit and put on a tie while holding a name card; it was clear that Gao Zhun had taken it with him intentionally as he made his way downstairs into the dark. It gave him courage. ”I'm here now. You can throw this away. I will give you another one.”
Gao Zhun did not reply, and so they stood together in silence, each gazing long and hard at the other. When their eyes began to ache from the strain, Fang Chi finally broke the silence. ”Let's go. I will walk you back.”
The guard on duty recognized Gao Zhun as they returned to the estate. The Henanese man greeted him with friendly warmth and watched as Gao Zhun led Fang Chi through the entrance. It was a huge estate with many ancient trees growing on its grounds. Together, the two of them walked through the pitch-black shadows under their dense, entangled crowns. Without a word or a single tangible trace, Gao Zhun clung tightly to Fang Chi's presence. Although he said nothing, it was evident that the darkness filled him with immense fear.
Almost without thinking, Fang Chi grabbed the cold hand by his side. Gao Zhun inhaled sharply at the touch and returned the grip immediately. He held onto Fang Chi's hand with a grip that was both forceful and desperate. ”Tell me about your dreams,” Fang Chi said as they walked, hand in hand.
”I don't dare to…” Gao Zhun's voice sounded ethereal and almost unreal.
”What are you afraid of?”
”I don't know.” He choked on a sob as tears rolled down his cheeks. ”I'm scared of recalling… but it's always there in my head. I'm scared that everyone would know - Linlin, my mother… But now, what terrifies me the most is the thought of you finding out as well… because I will truly be alone then…”