Part 8 (1/2)
Peter interrupted him indignantly.
”Never try to fool the fakirs, my son,” he protested. ”I'm a fakir myself. What services did you ever....”
”Services rendered,” continued Stetson undisturbed, ”in spreading throughout the United States a greater knowledge of the customs, industries, and religion of the Ottoman Empire. That,” he explained, ”refers to my--I should say our--moving-picture lecture. I thought it would look well if, when I lectured on Turkey, I wore a Turkish decoration, so I went after this one.”
Peter regarded his young friend with incredulous admiration.
”But did they believe you,” he demanded, ”when you told them you were an author and educator?”
Stetson closed one eye and grinned. ”They believed whatever I paid them to believe.”
”If you can get one of those,” cried Peter, ”Old man Gilman ought to get a dozen. I'll tell them he's the author of the longest and dullest history of their flea-bitten empire that was ever written. And he's a real professor and a real author, and I can prove it. I'll show them the five volumes with his name in each. How much did that thing cost you?”
”Two hundred dollars in bribes,” said Stetson briskly, ”and two months of diplomacy.”
”I haven't got two months for diplomacy,” said Peter, ”so I'll have to increase the bribes. I'll stay here and get the decoration for Gilman, and you work the papers at home. No one ever heard of the Order of the Crescent, but that only makes it the easier for us. They'll only know what we tell them, and we'll tell them it's the highest honor ever bestowed by a reigning sovereign upon an American scholar. If you tell the people often enough that anything is the best they believe you.
That's the way father sells his hams. You've been a press-agent.
From now on you're going to be my press-agent--I mean Doctor Gilman's press-agent. I pay your salary, but your work is to advertise him and the Order of the Crescent. I'll give you a letter to Charley Hines at Stillwater. He sends out college news to a syndicate and he's the local a.s.sociated Press man. He's sore at their discharging Gilman and he's my best friend, and he'll work the papers as far as you like. Your job is to make Stillwater College and Doctor Black and my father believe that when they lost Gilman they lost the man who made Stillwater famous.
And before we get through boosting Gilman, we'll make my father's million-dollar gift laboratory look like an insult.”
In the eyes of the former press-agent the light of battle burned fiercely, memories of his triumphs in exploitation, of his strategies and tactics in advertising soared before him.
”It's great!” he exclaimed. ”I've got your idea and you've got me. And you're darned lucky to get me. I've been press-agent for politicians, actors, society leaders, breakfast foods, and horse-shows--and I'm the best! I was in charge of the publicity bureau for Galloway when he ran for governor. He thinks the people elected him. I know I did. Nora Nashville was getting fifty dollars a week in vaudeville when I took hold of her; now she gets a thousand. I even made people believe Mrs.
Hampton-Rhodes was a society leader at Newport, when all she ever saw of Newport was Bergers and the Muschenheim-Kings. Why, I am the man that made the American People believe Russian dancers can dance!”
”It's plain to see you hate yourself,” said 'Peter. ”You must not get so despondent or you might commit suicide. How much money will you want?”
”How much have you got?”
”All kinds,” said Peter. ”Some in a letter-of-credit that my father earned from the fretful pig, and much more in cash that I won at poker from the pashas. When that's gone I've got to go to work and earn my living. Meanwhile your salary is a hundred a week and all you need to boost Gilman and the Order of the Crescent. We are now the Gilman Defense, Publicity, and Development Committee, and you will begin by introducing me to the man I am to bribe.”
”In this country you don't need any introduction to the man you want to bribe,” exclaimed Stetson; ”you just bribe him!”
That same night in the smoking-room of the hotel, Peter and Stetson made their first move in the game of winning for Professor Gilman the Order of the Crescent. Stetson presented Peter to a young effendi in a frock coat and fez. Stetson called him Osman. He was a clerk in the foreign office and appeared to be ”a friend of a friend of a friend” of the a.s.sistant third secretary.
The five volumes of the ”Rise and Fall” were spread before him, and Peter demanded to know why so distinguished a scholar as Doctor Gilman had not received some recognition from the country he had so sympathetically described. Osman fingered the volumes doubtfully, and promised the matter should be brought at once to the attention of the grand vizier.
After he had departed Stetson explained that Osman had just as little chance of getting within speaking distance of the grand vizier as of the ladies of his harem.
”It's like Tammany,” said Stetson; ”there are sachems, district leaders, and lieutenants. Each of them is ent.i.tled to trade or give away a few of these decorations, just as each district leader gets his percentage of jobs in the street-cleaning department. This fellow will go to his patron, his patron will go to some undersecretary in the cabinet, he will put it up to a palace favorite, and they will divide your money.
”In time the minister of foreign affairs will sign your brevet and a hundred others, without knowing what he is signing; then you cable me, and the Star of the Crescent will burst upon the United States in a way that will make Halley's comet look like a wax match.”
The next day Stetson and the tutor sailed for home and Peter was left alone to pursue, as he supposed, the Order of the Crescent. On the contrary, he found that the Order of the Crescent was pursuing him. He had not appreciated that, from underlings and backstair politicians, an itinerant showman like Stetson and the only son of an American Croesus would receive very different treatment.
Within twenty-four hours a fat man with a blue-black beard and diamond rings called with Osman to apologize for the latter. Osman, the fat man explained--had been about to make a fatal error. For Doctor Gilman he had asked the Order of the Crescent of the fifth cla.s.s, the same cla.s.s that had been given Stetson. The fifth cla.s.s, the fat man explained, was all very well for tradesmen, dragomans, and eunuchs, but as an honor for a savant as distinguished as the friend of his. Hallowell, the fourth cla.s.s would hardly be high enough. The fees, the fat man added, would Also be higher; but, he pointed out, it was worth the difference, because the fourth cla.s.s ent.i.tled the wearer to a salute from all sentries.
”There are few sentries at Stillwater,” said Peter; ”but I want the best and I want it quick. Get me the fourth cla.s.s.”