Part 62 (1/2)
”Not? But suppose we had gone through the ceremony? Would you feel that you were then?”
”No. I should not feel even then that I was. I should feel worse than I do now.”
”Why so-in the name of all that's perverse, my dear?”
”Because I am Richard's.”
”Ah-you hinted that absurd fancy to me before!”
”It was only an impression with me then; I feel more and more convinced as time goes on that-I belong to him, or to n.o.body.”
”My good heavens-how we are changing places!”
”Yes. Perhaps so.”
Some few days later, in the dusk of the summer evening, they were sitting in the same small room downstairs, when a knock came to the front door of the carpenter's house where they were lodging, and in a few moments there was a tap at the door of their room. Before they could open it the comer did so, and a woman's form appeared.
”Is Mr. Fawley here?”
Jude and Sue started as he mechanically replied in the affirmative, for the voice was Arabella's.
He formally requested her to come in, and she sat down in the window bench, where they could distinctly see her outline against the light; but no characteristic that enabled them to estimate her general aspect and air. Yet something seemed to denote that she was not quite so comfortably circ.u.mstanced, nor so bouncingly attired, as she had been during Cartlett's lifetime.
The three attempted an awkward conversation about the tragedy, of which Jude had felt it to be his duty to inform her immediately, though she had never replied to his letter.
”I have just come from the cemetery,” she said. ”I inquired and found the child's grave. I couldn't come to the funeral-thank you for inviting me all the same. I read all about it in the papers, and I felt I wasn't wanted... No-I couldn't come to the funeral,” repeated Arabella, who, seeming utterly unable to reach the ideal of a catastrophic manner, fumbled with iterations. ”But I am glad I found the grave. As 'tis your trade, Jude, you'll be able to put up a handsome stone to 'em.”
”I shall put up a headstone,” said Jude drearily.
”He was my child, and naturally I feel for him.”
”I hope so. We all did.”
”The others that weren't mine I didn't feel so much for, as was natural.”
”Of course.”
A sigh came from the dark corner where Sue sat.
”I had often wished I had mine with me,” continued Mrs. Cartlett. ”Perhaps 'twouldn't have happened then! But of course I didn't wish to take him away from your wife.”
”I am not his wife,” came from Sue.
The unexpectedness of her words struck Jude silent.
”Oh, I beg your pardon, I'm sure,” said Arabella. ”I thought you were!”
Jude had known from the quality of Sue's tone that her new and transcendental views lurked in her words; but all except their obvious meaning was, naturally, missed by Arabella. The latter, after evincing that she was struck by Sue's avowal, recovered herself, and went on to talk with placid bluntness about ”her” boy, for whom, though in his lifetime she had shown no care at all, she now exhibited a ceremonial mournfulness that was apparently sustaining to the conscience. She alluded to the past, and in making some remark appealed again to Sue. There was no answer: Sue had invisibly left the room.
”She said she was not your wife?” resumed Arabella in another voice. ”Why should she do that?”