Part 19 (1/2)

I scooped my keys back out of the wooden bowl, cursing as they fell to the floor. I s.n.a.t.c.hed them up, then ran into the hallway, watching as the lift doors slowly closed. I jabbed on the lift's b.u.t.ton, urging the doors to open again, but instead, I saw the down arrow illuminate. I punched the b.u.t.ton again, more out of frustration than anything else, then hurried down the stairs, my speed impeded by my stupid slippers. By the time I'd reached the ground floor, I saw Elise already out on the pavement, hailing a cab and disappearing into the first one that stopped.

It was too late. She was gone.

Chapter Nineteen.

I stared at the door that Elise had just left through, my head in a muddle, my heart flailing wildly in my chest. Taking the lift back up to my apartment, my mind repeated her words over and over.

”I can't do this...”

What couldn't she do?

Me?

Jasey?

Portobello Road?

Back in my apartment, I fumbled for my phone, hidden somewhere in my bag, and rang her. She'd been so distressed-there was no better way to describe her-that I worried she wouldn't get home safely. I sank on my sofa, my mobile clamped to my ear, and listened to it as it rang out, going eventually to Elise's voicemail.

”Elise.” My voice sounded strained and panicked. ”It's me. Are you...are you all right? I don't know what just happened there, but I need to know you're okay.” I paused, hoping she might pick up when she heard my voice, but she didn't. ”Call me?” I said. ”Just let me know you got home safely, yeah?”

I put my phone down and looked at it, willing it to ring, like you do when you're desperate for someone to contact you. I thought if I stared at it long and hard enough, my message to Elise would get through, she'd pick up and call me back, telling me everything was okay. But she didn't. When I tried ringing her one more time, again getting her voicemail, I sent her a text, telling her I was worried about her, and urging her to text or call me back, no matter how late.

Tired of staring at my silent phone, I wandered to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I leant against the kitchen unit, cradling my gla.s.s with both hands, my mind both whirling and completely blank. I don't know how long I stood there, gazing empty-headed at the floor, before I heard my phone beep from in the lounge. Downing my drink, which had remained untouched until then, I went straight to it and felt a rush of relief as I saw Elise's name flash up in front of me.

”I'm fine,” it said. Nothing else. Just, ”I'm fine.”

The ringing of my phone woke me with a start. I peered, bleary-eyed, at my alarm clock and saw that it was three a.m.-I'd gone to bed just an hour earlier, feeling slightly more able to sleep since I'd had a text back from Elise and knew she was okay, but now panic seized me, having been awakened so soon after drifting off. My heart thumped wildly, thinking it was bad news about one of my parents. I blinked at my phone, the backlight on it making my eyes hurt in the pitch black of my bedroom.

It was Elise.

”Elise.” I sat bolt upright in bed, pinching my eyes tight shut against the bright glare. ”Thank G.o.d,” I breathed.

”I'm sorry,” Elise said. She sounded drunk.

”You all right?” I asked. ”I was worried about you.”

”I'm sorry,” Elise repeated, her voice thick. ”I don't know what to do.”

I ran my hand through my hair, starting to get alarmed. ”What's happened?” I asked.

”I don't know what to do,” Elise said again. ”Can I come over?”

I leant back, propping myself up on one elbow and looked at the alarm clock again.

”Please?” Her voice was urgent.

”Where are you?” My pulse thudded in my neck.

”Outside.”

”Outside where?” I frowned.

”Your place.”

I instinctively looked at the window, my breath coming faster. ”You're here?”

”Are you going to let me in, or not?” Elise slurred.

”Of course!” I jumped out of bed, hopping on one foot as I pulled on pyjama bottoms that had been cast off, as always, during the night. ”Wait, I'll buzz you up.”

I cancelled her call and looked at myself briefly in the mirror, running my fingers though my hair, trying and failing to get it to behave before giving up. I pressed the buzzer on the intercom, then replaced it and waited for Elise to knock on my front door.

When she finally came to the door, I was shocked at the sight of her. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and her hair, normally so perfect, was plastered across her face. She was dressed in a scruffy grey hoodie and baggy blue sweatpants, a total contrast to what she'd been wearing just a few hours earlier and a bit of a surprise to see, considering she always looked so immaculate.

”Blimey, Elise!” I looked at her, stunned, as she meekly stepped in through the door and stood, head bowed, in my hall. ”You really aren't okay, are you?”

”I couldn't sleep,” she said. ”I need to talk to you.”

She looked up at me through tear-clogged eyes and sniffed loudly. I stood facing her, not saying a word, just not knowing what to say.

”I could use a drink,” she said, breaking the silence.

”Sorry, of course.” I stepped back from her and gestured for her to follow me in. I made my way to the kitchen, then paused. ”Elise, do you think you might have had enough already?”

”Not nearly enough, no,” she said, tears welling in her eyes again.

”Even so.” I made my way back to the kitchen, pouring us each a tumbler of water, and returned to the lounge, sitting down next to her on the sofa. I slid her gla.s.s across the coffee table towards her. ”Want to tell me what's going on?” She stared down into her gla.s.s and, with one gulp, drained the water inside.

”Not really,” she mumbled.

”Has something happened?” I asked, sipping at my water. ”Have you had bad news or something?”

”No,” she said quietly. ”Nothing like that.” She perched precariously on the edge of my sofa, and in her drunken mess she looked like she was about to slide off into a heap on the floor. I put down my gla.s.s and went to her, gently extricating her gla.s.s from her grip.

”Just been thinking, tha.s.sall.” She tried to focus on me through bleary eyes.

”Yuh-huh,” I said, moving away slightly from her. ”That's never a good idea-too much thinking, especially after a skinful!”

”All I want is someone nice,” she mumbled. ”Someone who'll take care of me.” She blinked tears away. ”I never meant to go out with Robbie or sleep with Stig, Holly,” she said suddenly. ”That was never the plan. I just wanted to forget about things.”

”Okay,” I said slowly, wondering just why she'd think to mention either of them right now.

”And I never meant to push you away like I have been doing,” she said. ”I'm just so scared.”

”Of what?” I asked.