Part 11 (1/2)

An extremely loud explosion and a searing flash of heat knocked me over. I caught a brief glimpse of a burning projectile disappearing at high velocity into the night sky. The recoil of the launch had driven the tube a foot into the ground, and the open end of the pipe sported a distinct bell shape. Luckily the pipe had held, and had not blown up in my face. Stunned, I staggered back into the shop and knocked over a six-foot length of exhaust pipe. Instead of the usual crash, I heard nothing but a high-pitched buzzing.

Break time was over! I carried on working.

Half an hour later I was surprised by two cops tapping me on the shoulder. They were a wee bit agitated, as they had been addressing me for a while and thought I was ignoring them. After much shouting and several written messages, it became apparent that they were investigating a loud explosion heard behind the twenty-thousand-liter propane tank at the gas station next door. The tank was ten feet away from my test site, behind a wooden fence!

The gas station had, of course, been evacuated. Due to my impaired hearing, I had failed to notice the four fire engines outside and was blissfully unaware of the mayhem going on next door. Naturally enough, I denied any knowledge, but my burned and deaf state didn't help my case. Then a curious cop followed the oxy-acetylene hoses outside . . .

The burning projectile disappeared into the night sky.

The incident cost me a severe telling-off by the cops and permanent hearing issues, but I count myself lucky. I must confess, though, sometimes I sit back and wonder . . . What was I thinking?

And where did that c.o.ke can end up?

Reference: Anonymous [image]

Reader Comments

”Admit it, the thought would cross your your mind, too.” mind, too.”

”Still working on that spud gun. Just upping the ante . . .”

”Remember acetylene + oxygen in balloons?”

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At-Risk Survivor: A Cus.h.i.+oned Blow Confirmed by Darwin Featuring aerosol, an explosion, and cigarettes CIGARETTESSmoking destroys more than lung cells . . . if you try hard enough. Darwin's archive includes dozens of mishaps, from solo smokers wrapped in gauze (a mummy costume; a medical treatment) to military groups smoking near munitions (in the Philippines; in the Ukraine), from shooting yourself with b.u.t.ts to falling from a bus while sneaking a f.a.g, there are Darwin's archive includes dozens of mishaps, from solo smokers wrapped in gauze (a mummy costume; a medical treatment) to military groups smoking near munitions (in the Philippines; in the Ukraine), from shooting yourself with b.u.t.ts to falling from a bus while sneaking a f.a.g, there are too many ways too many ways cigarettes can hurt you. Please do whatever it takes to give up this dangerous habit. cigarettes can hurt you. Please do whatever it takes to give up this dangerous habit.

13 OCTOBER 2008, GERMANY One evening, a forty-two-year-old man fixed his punctured air mattress with a tire repair spray that, like all solvent-based aerosols, is flammable. Furthermore, he repaired the puncture while keeping the windows in his loft apartment tightly closed. The next morning, this airhead lit a smoke just before he opened the valve to deflate the air mattress. The resulting explosion wrecked most of the furnis.h.i.+ngs, part of the roof, and blew a window from the wall. The damage was so severe that a structural engineer condemned the flat! Narrowly missing a full-blown Darwin Award, our hero was taken to a burn-care unit and managed to recover from the brutal ”attack” by his mattress.

Reference: presseportal.de

Another unsatisfactory mattress is featured in Wetting the Bed, p. 101.

At-Risk Survivor: Homemade Howitzer Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring a homemade holiday cannon!

An eyebrow-raising story from an emergency room doctor

5 JULY 2006, OHIO

I was the lucky orthopedics resident on call the night of July 4th. Midnight pa.s.sed quietly but as dawn broke the next morning, the telephone rang. A fellow was in the trauma unit suffering partial amputation of a finger due to an explosion. I figured that this was a typical firecracker injury and headed over to attend the patient.

I found a gentleman peppered with thousands of black spots-gunpowder embedded in his face, chest, and arms. His left middle finger was essentially missing, and the s.p.a.ce between his right thumb and index finger split wide open. His airway was intubated and he also had a chest tube-far more intervention than would be required for a routine firecracker injury.

The man's wife told me what had happened in plain words.

Hubby had built a small cannon in order to celebrate Independence Day. He and his lady both had been drinking heavily throughout the evening. When they regained consciousness the next morning, the gentleman figured he might as well finish off the unused gunpowder. He packed his homemade howitzer, using a cutoff broomstick. in order to celebrate Independence Day. He and his lady both had been drinking heavily throughout the evening. When they regained consciousness the next morning, the gentleman figured he might as well finish off the unused gunpowder. He packed his homemade howitzer, using a cutoff broomstick.

While packing the cannon he was also sucking on a cigarette. Lo and behold, the ash fell and ignited the powder. The broomstick fired into his chest, ripping through his hands en route as hot gunpowder sprayed out of the cannon.

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We took him to the operating room to clean his wounds and complete the amputation. As we removed the stub of his finger, I confided my grave concerns about his future to the attending physician. He looked at me, puzzled. I asked, ”How is this man going to be able to drive without his left middle finger?” without his left middle finger?”

Reference: Erika Mitch.e.l.l, MD

Another finger injured in It's The Cure That'll Kill You, p. 205.

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At-Risk Survivor: Nitrating the Unknown Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring school, a hammer, and explosions

1970s

Thirty years ago, my college installed new granite tables in the chemistry lab, and somehow a bet got started on who could scratch the tabletop first. The bet went uncollected for a couple of years: Those granite surfaces were pretty st.u.r.dy. Then along came my friend, ”Ma.s.s Destruction.”

Armed with an explosive blasting cap and a ball-peen hammer, he was determined to win that bet. Placing the cap on a table, he swung the hammer and hit it squarely. The hammer exited the lab at a high rate of speed over his shoulder. By some fluke, n.o.body was injured. Ma.s.s Destruction did win the bet-the granite was cracked through!

Here is the explanation of how his nickname came about. Earlier that year he had been a.n.a.lyzing an organic sample when the professor came by and casually asked where he was in the procedure.

”I'm nitrating the unknown.”

”You didn't get a reaction at the last step?”

”Nope.”

It turned out that the professor had added too much denaturing agent to the unknown (glycerin) so it was not identified at the proper stage. Ma.s.s Destruction was now casually stirring 250 ml of nitroglycerin on an ice bath! The professor encouraged him to keep stirring-gently-while he evacuated the other students and called the bomb squad.

After the bomb squad had made all the needed arrangements to dispose of the nitroglycerin, they graciously allowed Ma.s.s Destruction to push the b.u.t.ton on the detonator.