Part 8 (1/2)
G. F. Miller, ”s.e.xual selection for moral virtues,” Quarterly Review of Biology Quarterly Review of Biology 82(2) (2007), 97-125. 82(2) (2007), 97-125.
M. Ridley, The Red Queen: s.e.x and the Evolution of Human Nature The Red Queen: s.e.x and the Evolution of Human Nature (New York: Harper Perennial, 2003). (New York: Harper Perennial, 2003).
[image]
CHAPTER 6.
THE FAST TRACK: TRAINS, CARS, AND BAR STOOLS!.
”The Darwin Awards are always interesting. I sometimes wish that certain people would try to win one . . . You know who they are.”
-excerpt from Fan mail
Vehicular misadventure is always a winning ticket. The following tales offer variations on a theme with squished sports cars, military men gone wild, dancing drivers, insurance fraud, and the invention of a whole new type of hybrid. Hang on to your hats . . .
Motorized Bar Stool A One-Track Mind * Poor Decision on a Major Scale * Painkiller * Mock Death * Chutes and Spills * ICanSay/ToldYouSo * Flying Door * Clap-Clap-Clap Your Hands * Cats Land on All Fours [image]
[image]
At-Risk Survivor: Motorized Bar Stool Confirmed by Darwin Featuring vehicles, alcohol, and do-it-yourself innovation
4 MARCH 2009, NEW JERSEY
The Newark Fire Department was called to a.s.sist a man who had suffered injuries from a crash-while driving a motorized bar stool! The man claimed that his lawnmower-bar-stool hybrid could reach a speedy thirty-eight mph on its five-horsepower engine, but he was traveling a sedate twenty mph when he rolled and crashed while making a turn.
Although under the speed limit, he was over the drink limit. During a police interview at the hospital, he admitted to consuming ”about fifteen beers.” When numbers reach the double digits, it's hard to be exact. The driver was issued a citation for operating a vehicle (cla.s.sified as ”all others”) while intoxicated, and driving with a suspended license-presumably the motivation behind his motorized creation.
He pleaded not guilty-demanding, in fact, a jury trial before his peers. Those of you who drive motorized bar stools and other unconventional vehicles, watch your mailbox for a jury summons.
If the twenty-eight-year-old inventor wants to drive a hybrid, he should consider modifying his bar stool to corner better-once he regains the right to operate a motorized vehicle on public roads.
Reference: Newark Advocate, The Boston Globe Newark Advocate, The Boston Globe [image]
[image]
Reader Comments
”License to Spill.”
”Hybrid vigor-or evolutionary dead end?”
”A motorized barstool will never be stable. He needs a wider wheelbase. Perhaps a motorized gurney?”
A TV news report featuring video of the motorized bar stool: /book/barstool.html Darwin Award Winner: A One-Track Mind Confirmed by Darwin Featuring train versus car!
16 JULY 2008, ITALY
Gerhard Z., sixty-eight, was queued at a traffic light in his Porsche Cayenne. Before one reaches the light, there is a railroad crossing, and Gerhard had not let the queue progress forward far enough before he drove onto the tracks. As you might imagine, given Murphy's Law, a train was coming. The safety bars came down, leaving the Porsche trapped.
”Was he texting?”
According to witnesses, it took the driver a while to realize he was stuck on the rails.
Finally he jumped from the car and started to run-straight toward the oncoming train, waving his arms in an attempt to save his SUV! The attempt was partly successful, in that the car received less damage than its owner, who landed thirty meters away. Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful.
Actually, one is well advised to run toward the train, so that the collision throws the car in the opposite direction away from you. In that respect, the gentleman was in the right. The caveat is that you run toward the train alongside alongside the tracks, not the tracks, not on on the tracks! the tracks!
The moral of the story? Momentum Always Wins.
Reference: l'Adige l'Adige (Italian daily paper) (Italian daily paper) [image]
[image]
Reader Comments
”He needs better training.”
”Man did that train pepper that Cayenne!”
”Cars are easier to replace than internal organs.”
”A dark and twisted example of momentum and transfer of energy.”
Wendy was traveling in Egypt. At night, on busy roads, the car headlights were so dim they were almost useless. It seemed so dangerous! Why were the headlights ”browned out”? . . . A local guide said, ”We dim the headlights to make the bulbs last longer.” The bulbs last longer, but what about the occupants? Madness!”Crazy as carrying timber into the woods.”-Roman idiom Darwin Award Winner: Poor Decision on a Major Scale Confirmed by Reliable Eyewitness Featuring a military vehicle and a bed!
SEPTEMBER 1997, FORT POLK, LOUISIANA
The 82nd Airborne Division was on its periodic training junket to Fort Polk. One of the many items stressed at briefings before a training mission of this proportion is the fact that there are many untrained people running about the area, at all times of day and night, in all kinds of vehicles, most of them large.
During the training we were reminded, when sleeping in the woods at night, be sure to sleep at the base of a large tree. be sure to sleep at the base of a large tree. Drivers may or may not be wearing night vision equipment, and may or may not be familiar with the roads, but even the most misguided driver will avoid a large tree, thus a.s.suring your own safety. Drivers may or may not be wearing night vision equipment, and may or may not be familiar with the roads, but even the most misguided driver will avoid a large tree, thus a.s.suring your own safety.