Part 35 (1/2)

His answer confused me. ”Then what difference does it make if I obey Him or not-whether I risk everything to spy for Him or stay at home-if He's going to do it all anyway?”

Eli pulled another clump of carrots, then slowly stood to face me. ”We ain't gonna eat the tops of these carrots, are we?”

”No . . . but what does that-”

”Can't you see, Missy Caroline?” he said gently. ”Spying ain't the job G.o.d gave you to do in this here war. He don't need people to do stuff like that for Him. What He need is for you and me to show folks what He's like . . . to love others for Him. That's the real work you done . . . underneath it all.”

”How? How could betraying my country possibly show G.o.d's love?”

”I tell you one way,” he said, crumbling the dirt off the vegetables as he talked. ”My son Josiah hate white folks. He think they all alike. He turn away from Ma.s.sa Jesus because he think Jesus is the white folks' G.o.d. But Josiah seen that you different-not because you spying, but because you spying for us, so that we could be free.”

I remembered the tender look I'd seen on Josiah's face as he'd held his son, the tears on his cheeks as he'd thanked me.

”I been trying to tell Josiah about G.o.d's love all his life,” Eli continued, ”and he ain't listening. But he seen your love, Missy Caroline, he seen how you risk everything you have for us . . . and so he finally seen G.o.d's love-in you.”

[image]

My tale is nearly told now. There's only one more episode to describe, and that's the afternoon when I knew that the end had finally come for me. Charles' father arrived at my door, his face the sickly gray color of dirty water. He looked much too unwell to be out of bed, let alone out of the house.

”Are you all right? Did something happen. . . ?” He ignored my questions, pus.h.i.+ng past me to enter my father's library. What worried me more than his obvious illness was the anger in his eyes-no, I saw hatred when he looked at me.

”I need to see one of your father's books,” he said. He began perusing the shelves without waiting for my permission. I could hear his labored breathing all the way across the room, as if his lungs were a pair of worn-out bellows that could barely pump air. I was afraid he would find the hollowed-out volume, even though it now held only two or three gold pieces.

”Please, let me help you,” I said. ”Are you looking for a particular book?”

”Yes. This one.”

He pulled A Tale of Two Cities A Tale of Two Cities from the shelf. Something about that book alarmed me but I didn't know why. Then Mr. St. John took a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. It was the map I'd drawn on a page torn from that book. I watched, paralyzed, as Mr. St. John opened the book to the beginning, to the place where the t.i.tle page should be. When the map fitted perfectly into place he groaned, swaying as though he was about to collapse. I tried to help him sit down but he waved me away as if my touch would poison him. from the shelf. Something about that book alarmed me but I didn't know why. Then Mr. St. John took a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. It was the map I'd drawn on a page torn from that book. I watched, paralyzed, as Mr. St. John opened the book to the beginning, to the place where the t.i.tle page should be. When the map fitted perfectly into place he groaned, swaying as though he was about to collapse. I tried to help him sit down but he waved me away as if my touch would poison him.

”I knew you were involved . . . I knew it!” he said, wheezing. ”They recaptured one of our escaped slaves. He had this map . . . and these false doc.u.ments. . . .” I recognized the freedom papers he showed me as forgeries of the ones my father had drawn up for Isaac. The name had been changed to Jeremiah St. John.

”We got Jeremiah to confess that one of the servants from the ladies' sewing circle forged these, but he refuses to say who. Every time someone was robbed, though, the victim was here, visiting you. Now you're going to tell me which one of your slaves can read and write.”

”Please . . . Mr. St. John . . .”

”If you don't tell me, then I swear I'll beat a confession out of every last one of them.”

I went cold at his words. ”You will not lay a hand on any of my slaves. I drew that map.”

He stared at me, his eyes filled with loathing, not surprise. Perspiration dampened his hair and rolled down his flushed face.

”I drew the map for my servants when I found out that Daddy planned to sell some of them.” I said. ”I don't have much gold left, but I'll pay you and all the others for the slaves they lost and for the property their servants stole. It was wrong of them to steal, but I'm not sorry that any of them escaped.”

He glared at me. ”So you finally admit that you're a Union sympathizer?”

”I believe that slavery is morally wrong.”

He set the book and the papers on Daddy's desk. ”None of us ever imagined that you were deliberately deceiving us all this time, Caroline-least of all Charles. We should have guessed when you spent so much time visiting your Yankee prisoner, but we all wanted to believe that you were telling the truth, that your visits were purely humanitarian. You played us for fools. I should have listened to Major Turner. He was convinced that you were involved in that prison break. And he says you also had an improper relations.h.i.+p with your Yankee friend.”

”That's a lie! I did no such thing!” I had listened to Mr. St. John's accusations in stunned shock, but I couldn't let the last one pa.s.s for truth.

He held up his hand to silence me. ”I'm not finished. The fish vendor, Ferguson, has been suspected of spying for some time. He was watched. The police told me that you were a regular customer- which is odd since you have six slaves to do all your shopping for you. The authorities asked me if I thought you might be involved, and like a fool I defended you. Now I'm not so sure. They found incriminating notes wrapped inside the money Ferguson collected. All I need to do is compare that handwriting with your writing on this map or with some of the letters you've sent my son. What am I going to discover then, Caroline?”

I couldn't speak. I was afraid I was going to be sick.

”When I think of all the important people you've entertained in your home,” he continued, ”all the crucial information you might have overheard . . . That's why you continued to have social gatherings here, isn't it? Even after your father left. You deliberately deceived us! You used my son . . . my daughter . . .” He gripped his left shoulder suddenly, wincing in pain.

”Please, you need to sit down, Mr. St. John. Let me get you something-”

”No!” he shouted. ”You've done enough harm as it is. And the biggest tragedy of all is that my son loves you. He loves you! I can't imagine what this news will do to him. What were you thinking, Caroline? How could you lie to Charles like this, pretending that you loved him when-”

”I wasn't pretending. I do love Charles.”

”How can you possibly say you love him when you've been helping his enemies?” Mr. St. John tried to take a step, then gripped the edge of the desk to keep from falling. ”I don't know what to do,” he said, wheezing. ”Charles must be told the truth. But if he learns it now, while lying in a filthy trench, I fear he'll be so devastated that he won't want to live. I won't let you kill my son.”

His hands trembled as he refolded the map and phony doc.u.ments and put them back in his coat pocket. He picked up my father's book. He stared at me, but it was as if he was looking through me. His face had been flushed with rage a moment ago, but now it was as colorless as a corpse.

”I don't know what to do about you,” he said, shaking his head. ”If you're guilty of half the things I think you are, then I want you arrested . . . no, I want you to hang! But if the truth about you comes out now . . . it will destroy my son. . . .”

There was nothing more I could say.

Mr. St. John managed to stagger to the door without me. I watched his servant help him into his carriage and drive away.

Two days pa.s.sed, then three. Now four. I have no idea what will happen to me. All I can do is wait, wondering when my arrest will come. In the meantime, I've been unable to sleep. I decided to write this account, explaining my reasons for doing what I've done. I pray that when you read it you will understand how I became entangled in all of this. And that you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

I offer no defense except these words from the book of Proverbs: ” 'If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn to death, and those that are ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? . . . and shall not he render to every man according to his works?' ”

Caroline Ruth Fletcher September 1864

PART TWO.

”You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my G.o.d turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my G.o.d I can scale a wall.”

Psalm 18:2829 NIV

Chapter Twenty-four.

September 1864.

Artillery boomed in the distance, shaking the floor beneath Caroline's feet as she stood with Tessie on the balcony off her father's bedroom. ”It might be coming from Drewry's Bluff,” she said. ”The Yankees might be trying to send wars.h.i.+ps up the river past the fort again.”