Part 6 (1/2)
”She doesn't belong to me-”
”Okay then, to your father. They're our slaves, Carrie. Nothing is ever going to change that.”
Jonathan and Eli couldn't both be right.
As I finally crawled back into bed that night, I decided I believed Eli. I hid the words he'd spoken in my heart. Still, I couldn't imagine what he'd meant when he said G.o.d would show white folks His power-ruined crops and dying cattle. I was one of those white folks. And even though Eli had said the slaves shouldn't lift a finger against me, his words scared me to death.
Chapter Five.
The next morning at breakfast I asked Daddy if I could stay at Hilltop instead of going home with him. He considered it for a long moment without answering. ”Please,” I begged, ”Jonathan and I are just becoming friends-and I don't have any friends back home.”
”All right,” he finally agreed. ”But Tessie and Eli will have to come back to Richmond with me.”
I knew Daddy needed Eli to drive the carriage home, but I couldn't understand why Tessie had to leave, too. I'd never been without my mammy before, and I didn't want to be without her now.
”Why, Daddy? Why can't Tessie stay here with me?”
”Because there are plenty of servants to help out around here. Tessie is needed back home.” He wouldn't look at me when he spoke, and I had the feeling there was more to it than he was willing to say. But he had made up his mind, and I could tell that I wouldn't be able to change it. Before I'd come to Hilltop I never could have imagined being separated from Tessie. But my adventures with my cousin had made me stronger, braver. I decided to stay without her.
I ran upstairs to my room where Tessie was packing our things, and told her I was staying and she was going home. I bravely fought my tears as we kissed and hugged good-bye, then I hurried outside to say good-bye to Eli. As I neared the barn I heard his gentle voice, but it didn't sound like he was talking to the horses or to Ma.s.sa Jesus. I peered around the open doorway and saw him deep in conversation with his son, Josiah. I waited outside, giving them time alone. But I couldn't help overhearing their conversation.
”There something I need you to do for me, Pa,” Josiah said. ”I need you to take care Tessie for me when you get back home. She my wife now. We jump the broom the other night.”
”Son . . . you didn't!” Eli sounded shaken. ”You know you can't marry Tessie without Ma.s.sa's say-so. And you know for sure Ma.s.sa Fletcher ain't giving it to you.”
”I don't need no white man's say-so.”
”Son, listen-”
”No! She's my wife now. Ain't no one telling me I can't marry the woman I love.”
”Tessie's going back to Richmond with Miss Caroline and me,” Eli said firmly. ”So how you two gonna be husband and wife?”
”I plan on buying our freedom someday. I'm working as a blacksmith now. If Ma.s.sa hire me out, I can earn my freedom doing extra work, then I move to town and make enough money to buy hers.”
”You know my ma.s.sa ain't never gonna sell Tessie to you. And you know why.”
”She's my wife now!”
”Not without Ma.s.sa's say-so she ain't. Son, the path you heading down lead to nothing but trouble. They get mad at you, they sell you south as fast as you can turn around.”
”They wouldn't sell me-”
”They sold Grady Grady!”
Something about the way Eli spoke those words-as if he still couldn't believe they were true-sent a s.h.i.+ver through me.
”Please, Josiah,” Eli begged. ”Don't act this way.”
”I have to!” he shouted. ”I'm not like you. I can't lay down and be a dog for the ma.s.sa. I'm a man, man, not a dog!” not a dog!”
Eli grabbed his son's s.h.i.+rtfront and hauled him close, speaking right in his face. ”Now you get one thing straight. I know I'm just as good as any white man. Ain't no difference between me and Ma.s.sa Fletcher in G.o.d's sight. Bible say there neither slave nor free, but we all one in Christ Jesus.”
Josiah shook himself loose. ”If you believe that, then why you acting all yes sir yes sir and and no sir no sir? Why you letting them white folks treat you like dirt? How can you live with yourself?”
”Because Jesus is my ma.s.sa, not Ma.s.sa Fletcher, and Jesus tell me I have to turn the other cheek. He say do good to them that persecute me. Night before He died, He wash all them white men's feet, even the one who betrayed Him. And He say, 'Do just like me.' Jesus is G.o.d's son son and the white folk treat and the white folk treat Him Him like dirt! They whip Him till He half dead, then they crucify Him. Ain't no different than way they treat us. Jesus say, 'Take up you cross and follow me.' G.o.d knows how we're treated, Josiah. He put us where we are for time being and give us a job to do. And even if I can't see a reason why, I gonna do this job for Jesus. I gonna love white folks, whether they love me back or not, 'cause that's what Jesus tell me to do.” like dirt! They whip Him till He half dead, then they crucify Him. Ain't no different than way they treat us. Jesus say, 'Take up you cross and follow me.' G.o.d knows how we're treated, Josiah. He put us where we are for time being and give us a job to do. And even if I can't see a reason why, I gonna do this job for Jesus. I gonna love white folks, whether they love me back or not, 'cause that's what Jesus tell me to do.”
”How you know what Jesus say?” Josiah said angrily. ”That's only what them white preachers say is in the Bible. They tell us that stuff to keep us low. I don't believe any of it. They lie to us.”
”They not lying. That's what the Bible really say.”
”How you know?”
” 'Cause I can read it for myself!”
The shock of Eli's words seemed to rip through the air like a whip. The hair on my arms stood on end. ”You have to kill a Negro if he learns to read.” ”You have to kill a Negro if he learns to read.”
Josiah stared at his father, stunned. Eli seemed shaken by his own confession, too. In a quieter voice, he said, ”I know how to read, son. I have me a Bible of my own. Preacher man in Richmond give it to me one time and I reading it every day. I know what it say. It say 'Love you enemies . . . return evil with good . . . bless them that persecute you.' ”
I could tell Josiah wasn't listening. He shook his head as if dazed. ”You never told me you could read.”
”Well, now you know. I can.”
Josiah's voice rose in volume. ”Then why didn't you teach me me how to read?” how to read?”
”Son, I waiting all your life till you learn to control your temper. But you never did learn. If I teach you to read, I be killing you myself. I may as well be stabbing a knife in you. Devil get ahold of you and use your reading for his purpose, not G.o.d's.”
As they stared at each other, I saw all the anger leave Eli's face. It was replaced by sorrow. ”Josiah, I be going soon. I can't leave here with bitterness between us. Lord knows when I ever see you again.”
Eli went to his son, embraced him. At first Josiah's arms hung limp at his sides. The two men were the same height, had the same wide shoulders and strong arms. One head of hair was black, the other gray. Slowly, Josiah lifted his arms and returned his father's embrace.
”Guard your heart, son,” Eli said in a hushed voice. ”That's what G.o.d looks at-your heart. Most folks look at the outside things, like the color of your skin. But G.o.d looks at your heart.”
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I settled comfortably into the rhythm of country life, enjoying the freedom of long, leisurely days, the excitement of new places to explore, and the contentment of my cousin's friends.h.i.+p. The carefree life I led wasn't typical of a woman's life on the plantation, though. Grandmother and Aunt Anne worked hard all day, everyday, overseeing the work that needed to be done. There was laundry to scrub, candles and soap to make, homespun cloth to be woven and dyed, then sewn into clothing for both the slaves and the family. The garden needed to be tended, the house cleaned, the food preserved, the cows milked, the b.u.t.ter churned, meat salted and smoked, and three hearty meals cooked and served each day. I wanted nothing to do with learning how to take charge of all that work.
I'd always been a bit of a tomboy when I'd played with Grady-before my teachers at the Richmond Female Inst.i.tute tried to drum into me that proper young ladies didn't climb trees or wander through the woods or lie on riverbanks fis.h.i.+ng. But for those few wonderful weeks at Hilltop, I didn't care about being a proper young lady. The Inst.i.tute had taught my mother to be a lady, and I shuddered at the thought of living a life like hers. I loved the outdoors, and I didn't care one bit if my complexion turned as sunbrowned as Jonathan's. We explored the woods together, read books to each other beneath the trees, and simply gazed up at the stars and talked. I noticed that he was careful to keep me away from the harsher side of plantation life, such as the slaves laboring in the fields beneath the blazing sun, or life down on Slave Row, but one lazy, rainy day, as we sat in the parlor playing a game of dominoes, I asked him about the man I'd seen with the lash scars on his back.
”Our overseer isn't a cruel man,” Jonathan replied. ”He might yell and crack the whip a few times over everybody's head, but he would never give forty lashes like that unless it was absolutely necessary. My father would never allow his slaves to be abused.”
”Then why did he whip that man?”
Jonathan hesitated, choosing his words as carefully as his next domino. ”We caught him stealing bacon from our smokehouse. He had to be whipped in order to set an example. Otherwise, all the other slaves might start stealing from us, too. It's your turn,” he added impatiently.
I studied my remaining dominoes, then played one. ”I once saw slaves in Richmond wearing leg-irons and chains,” I said. ”Daddy told me it was because they'd tried to run away.”