Part 93 (1/2)

”But the strange thing is that people go on believing them,” said his companion.

”That's not strange at all. This big, idiotic, amphorous London has no sense of humour. See how industriously it has been engaged for the last month in the n.o.ble art of making a fool of itself!” And then he looked around at John Storm, as if proud of his tall language.

John did not listen. He knew that everybody was talking about him, yet the matter did not seem to concern him now, but to belong to some other existence which his soul had had.

At length an idea came to him and he thought he knew what he ought to do. He ought to go to the Brotherhood and ask to be taken back. But not as a son this time, only as a servant, to scour and scrub to the end of his life. There used to be a man to sweep out the church and ring the church bell--he might be allowed to do menial work like that. He had proved false to his ideal, he had not been able to resist the lures of earthly love, but G.o.d was merciful. He would not utterly reject him.

His self-abas.e.m.e.nt was abject, yet several hours had pa.s.sed before he attempted to carry out this design. It was the time of Evensong when he reached the church, and the brothers were singing their last hymn:

Jesus, lover of my soul, Let me to thy bosom fly.

He stood by the porch and listened. The street was very quiet; hardly anybody was pa.s.sing.

Hide me, O my Saviour hide, Till the storms of life be past.

His heart surged up to his throat, and he could scarcely bear the pain of it. Yes, yes, yes! Other refuge had he none!

Suddenly a new thought smote him, and he felt like a man roused from a deep sleep. Glory! He had been thinking only of his own soul and his soul's salvation, and had forgotten his duty to others. He had his duty to Glory above all others and lie could not and must not escape from it.

He must take his place by her side, and if that included the abandonment of his ideals, so be it! He had been proved unworthy of a life of holiness; he must lower his flag, he must be content to live the life of a man.

But he could not think what he ought to do next, and when night fell he was still wandering aimlessly through the streets. He had turned eastward again, and even in the tumultuous thoroughfares of the Mile End he could not help seeing that something unusual was going on. People in drink were rolling about the streets, and shouting and singing as if it had been a public holiday. ”Glad you ain't in kingdom-come to-night, old gal!” ”Well, what do _you_ think?”

At twelve o'clock he went into a lodging-house and asked if he could have a bed. The keeper was in the kitchen talking with two men who were cooking a herring for their supper, and he looked up at his visitor in astonishment.

”Can I sleep you, sir? We ain't got no accommodation for gentlemen----”

and then he stopped, looked more attentively, and said:

”Are you from the Settlement, sir?”

John Storm made some inarticulate reply.

”Thort ye might be, sir. We often 'as 'em 'ere sempling the cawfee, but blessed if they ever wanted to semple a bed afore. Still, if _you_ down't mind----”

”It will be better than I deserve, my man. Can you give me a cup of coffee before I turn in?”

”With pleasure, sir! Set down, sir! Myke yourself at 'ome. Me and my friends were just talkin' of a gentleman of your cloth, sir--the pore feller as 'as got into trouble acrost Westminster way.”

”Oh, you were talking of him, were you?”

”Sem 'ere says the biziness pize.”

”It _must_ py, or people wouldn't do it,” said the man leaning over the fire.

”Down't you believe it. That little gime down't py. Cause why? Look at the bloomin' stoo the feller's in now. If they ketch 'im 'e'll get six months 'ard.”

”Then what's 'e been doin' it for? I down't see nothink in it if it down't py.”.

”Cause he believes in it, thet's why!--What do you think, sir?”

”I think the man has come by a just fall,” said John. ”G.o.d will never use him again, having brought him to shame.”