Part 10 (1/2)

A sort of convention, I suppose it is.

And, do you know, it more or less worked? Because Odysseus didn't actually kill me: he put out my right eye with a marlin-spike, instead! And then he laughed just to show that everything was all right, really.

'Sorry,' he said, 'my hand slipped. So you like the Trojans, do you? Well now, my little Cyclops, you'll just have to learn to take a more one-sided view of things, won't you?'

And then, I'm afraid, I fainted.

19.

A Council of War Of course, after the lapse of forty-odd years, I can afford to take a rather less jaundiced view of the matter than I did at the time.

Now, I suppose I must admit that the whole thing was largely my own fault: I should never have said that I quite liked the Trojans! Simply asking for it. Because one of the traditions of war is that you have to believe the enemy are fiends incarnate.

And anyone who takes the opposite view is not only on their side, but a bounder and a cad into the bargain. In fact, why Odysseus didn't kill me I shall never know: but perhaps he thought he had. After all, that sort of wound can often be fatal especially when delivered without proper surgical care.

I like to think that the Doctor made some sort of protest, however ineffectual; and no doubt he did. But there wasn't a lot he could actually do do, without getting the chop himself. Quite!

Yes, I can understand that now now. But at the time I was... well, sour, about the whole episode.

'That's what you get for trying to do someone a good turn!'

I thought, as I came to, some hours later. I was lying in the scuppers, where Odysseus had obviously kicked me, not wanting bleeding corpses cluttering up the deck. To add to my pleasure, I was covered in fish-scales and crabs' legs, and other marine bric-a-brac of a more or less noisome nature; and I suppose I should mention in pa.s.sing that I was in the most excruciating pain I had ever known or had believed was generally available outside the nethermost circle of Hades! No point in going on about it: but I tell you, I wanted to die, and was very sorry to find I hadn't. That's That's what it was like so I'll trouble you to bear the fact in mind, if you think I'm being altogether too flippant. what it was like so I'll trouble you to bear the fact in mind, if you think I'm being altogether too flippant.

In any case, as I say, it was all a very long time ago.

But to resume: it was dark by now, Zeus be praised; except where a lantern illuminated the Doctor's designing board, and a selection of brooding evil-looking faces. Because Odysseus had obviously sent out the formal invitations as arranged; and Agamemnon and Menelaus were now among those present. A couple of death's head moths were fooling about in the lamp-light, I remember. All very well for them, I thought but somehow ominous, all the same. Not that I go much on signs and portents as a rule but you know what I mean.

The genial host was excited as a schoolboy, and busy explaining the whole horrendous scheme to his dubious guests.

'I tell you, it's revolutionary,' he was saying, 'war will never be the same again!'

'Show them the working-drawings, Doctor. There! What do you make of that?'

Understandably, no one seemed very impressed at the outset and you couldn't blame them. Surprisingly, Menelaus was the first to venture a diagnosis.

'It's a horse,' he said, 'isn't it?'

'Well done, Menelaus,' said Odysseus, patronisingly. 'Now, come on what sort sort of a horse?' of a horse?'

Menelaus tried again: 'A big big horse?' horse?'

'Precisely. A very very big horse. A horse at least forty feet high!' big horse. A horse at least forty feet high!'

'But,' objected Menelaus, 'they don't grow that big do they? I mean, not even that Great Horse of Asia the Trojans wors.h.i.+p.'

'Ah, now now you're beginning to get the point! They you're beginning to get the point! They don't don't grow that big. The Great Horse of Asia doesn't exist. That's why we're going to build one for them as a sort of present!' grow that big. The Great Horse of Asia doesn't exist. That's why we're going to build one for them as a sort of present!'

'Go on,' said Agamemnon, his slow brain stirring in its sleep.

The Doctor took over the sparkling exposition: 'We build it of wood, and we build it hollow. And what's more we build it as quickly as possible, so as to rescue my friends. And then we fill it with a picked team of your best warriors.'

'I'm with you so far. What next?'

'Why, the rest of you take the fleet, and you sail away!'

Menelaus lit up a bit at that. 'Marvellous!' he said. 'A first rate idea! Oh, yes I like it very much!'

'And then, after dark, you sail back again.'

Menelaus subsided. 'Why is there always a catch?' he grumbled. 'No, I'm afraid I've gone off it now!' But n.o.body cared what Menelaus thought.

'Now,' said Odysseus, 'we come to the difficult bit. Because someone has to winkle Achilles out of his tent for long enough for him to take his Myrmidons, and hide out there in the plain.

As a covering force,' he explained patiently, before anyone could ask him why.

'But I thought you said that the best warriors were going to be inside the horse?' objected Agamemnon, rooting about in his beard, where something had come to his attention.

'So they will be,' agreed Odysseus; 'I shall be there with my Ithacans. Oh, yes, and and the Doctor, of course.' the Doctor, of course.'

The Doctor leaped like a gaffed salmon. 'That wasn't part of the plan!' he objected.

'It is now. I've just thought of it. Don't you want to be on hand, to rescue your friends?'

'Yes, of course. But can't I join you later? I'm afraid I should only be in the way...'

'You'd better not be, that's all. No, Doctor, I prefer to keep my eye on you. And then the rest is up to the Trojans. They see we've all gone home, or so they think; and naturally a.s.sume it's the Great Horse which has driven us away. So they dance around it like maniacs; cover it with garlands, I should think; and then they drag it into the city!'

'Are you sure they do?' enquired Agamemnon, not unreasonably. 'Suppose they set fire to it? In my experience, you never know what what those d.a.m.n' fellows are going to do...' those d.a.m.n' fellows are going to do...'

'That is a calculated risk,' said the Doctor, 'but I've given the matter some thought, and they'd hardly destroy one of their own G.o.ds, would they?'

'All right but once they've got the horse inside, won't they close the gates again?'

'Oh, dear,' sighed Odysseus. 'Yes, Agamemnon, old war lord, of course they will. But during the night, my men will leave the horse and open them again, won't they? Thus, if you follow me closely, letting the rest of you in. Nothing could be simpler,'

he concluded triumphantly, rolling up the battle plan.