Part 21 (1/2)

”Yes, William,” she said, ”it is a grand thing, but if I were you I would have put on my trousers.”

One evening as the mother of the little niece of Phillips Brooks was tucking her snugly in bed the maid stepped in and said there was a caller waiting in the parlor. The mother told the child to say her prayers and promised that she would be back in a few minutes.

The caller remained only a short time, and when the mother went upstairs again she asked the little girl if she had done as she was bidden.

”Yes, mama, I did and I didn't,” she said.

”What do you mean by that, dear?”

”Well, mama, I was awfully sleepy, so I just asked G.o.d if he wouldn't excuse me to-night and He said, 'Oh, don't mention it, Miss Brooks.'”

”Would you mind walking the other w'y and not pa.s.sing the 'orse?” said a London cabman with exaggerated politeness to the fat lady who had just paid a minimum fare.

”Why?” she inquired.

”Because if 'e sees wot 'e's been carryin' for a s.h.i.+lling 'e'll 'ave a fit.”

One afternoon during a recent sea voyage of Ex-Amba.s.sador Choate the waves were unpleasantly high, and the s.h.i.+p was rolling a bit, to the discomfiture of some pa.s.sengers.

Mr. Choate remarked: ”'Tis better to have lunched and lost than never to have lunched at all.”

A certain minister was deeply impressed by an address on the evils of smoking given at a recent synod. He rose from his seat, went over to a fellow minister, and said:

”Brother, this morning I received a present of 100 good cigars. I have smoked one of them, but now I'm going home to burn the remainder in the fire.”

The other minister arose, and said it was his intention to accompany his reverend brother.

”I mean to rescue the ninety and nine,” he added.

Expecting a visit from the superintendent of an adjacent Sunday-school one Sunday afternoon, one enterprising teacher, antic.i.p.ating the line of questions which would be asked of the scholars selected a boy from her cla.s.s to answer each question. As she had figured it out, the visitor would first ask the pupils the question, ”Who made you?” and the first pupil was, of course, to answer ”G.o.d.” The next question was to be ”Of what?” to which the answer was to be ”Of the dust of the earth.” Unfortunately between the time that Sunday-school was called to order and the visiting superintendent took the floor, the first pupil was taken sick and obliged to go home. The teacher did not have the opportunity to readjust her forces, and when the first question was asked, the second boy thought it a good opportunity for him to get in his answer and have it off his mind; so to the question, ”Who made you?” he answered, ”Of the dust of the earth.”

”Oh, no,” said the visitor. ”G.o.d made you.”

”No, sir; He did not,” said the youngster. ”The little boy that G.o.d made has gone home sick, and I am the dust of the earth.”

When General Grant was in London on his trip around the world he was invited to Windsor Castle by Queen Victoria. The queen received the party in one of the private audience chambers and chatted with General Grant for a few moments before dinner was served.

Jesse Grant, then a small boy, was with the general, and stood just behind him. As the general was talking, Jesse pulled impatiently at his coat-tails a number of times. Finally, the general turned half-way, and Jesse whispered:

”Pa, can't I be introduced?”