Part 18 (1/2)

”A new volunteer, who had not quite learned his business, was on sentry duty, one night, when a friend brought him a pie from the canteen.

”As he sat on the gra.s.s eating pie, the major sauntered up in undress uniform. The sentry, not recognizing him, did not salute, and the major stopped and said:

”'What's that you have there?'

”'Pie,' said the sentry, good-naturedly. 'Apple pie. Have a bite?'

”The major frowned.

”'Do you know who I am?' he asked.

”'No,' said the sentry, 'unless you're the major's groom.'

”The major shook his head.

”'Guess again,' he growled.

”'The barber from the village?'

”'No.'

”'Maybe--' here the sentry laughed--'maybe you're the major himself?'

”'That's right. I am the major,' was the stern reply.

”The sentry scrambled to his feet.

”'Good gracious!' he exclaimed. 'Hold the pie, will you, while I present arms!'”

A player for many years a.s.sociated with the late Richard Mansfield relates that one day in Philadelphia, as he was standing by a huge poster in front of the theater a poster that represented Mansfield in the character of ”Henry V.,” a man who was strolling by stopped to gaze at the bill. Finally, with a snort of disgust, he muttered as he turned to go:

”_'Henry V.--_' what?”

”There is an old negro down in my town,” said John Sharp Williams, the former Democratic leader of the House, ”who did me a service. I wanted to reward him, so I said:

”'Uncle, which shall I give you--a ton of coal or a bottle of whisky?'

”'Foh de Lo'd, Ma.s.sa John,' he replied, 'you-all sh.o.r.ely knows I buhn wood.'”

”No,” remarked a determined lady to an indignant cabman who had received his legal fare, ”you can not cheat me, my man. I haven't ridden in cabs for the last twenty-five years for nothing.”

”Haven't you, mum?” replied the cabman, bitterly, gathering up the reins. ”Well, you've done your best!”