Part 4 (1/2)
No longer do the youthful fall, Like leaf or partridge in October; For they, if anything at all, Are sober.
(I mean the boys,--don't be absurd!
And not the foliage or the bird.)
No longer arm-in-arm they roam, Despite constabulary warning, Declaring that they won't go home Till morning!
With bursts of baccha.n.a.lian song, And jokes as broad as they are long.
No more they wander to-and-fro, Exchanging incoherent greetings-- The kind in vogue at Caledo- -Nian Meetings (Behavior that we all condemn, Especially at 3 a. m.).
Yes; fas.h.i.+ons change--and well they may!
No longer, at the dinner-table, Do persons drink as much as they Are able; And seek the hospitable floor, When they have drunk a trifle more.
My nasal hue, incarnadine, Shall not, perhaps, be wholly wasted, If sons of mine but leave their wine Untasted; And vanquish, with deserving merit, The varied vices they inherit.
Yes, Offspring, I rejoice to think That, shunning my example truly, You never may be led to drink Unduly.
It is indeed a blessed thought!
Now, will you kindly pa.s.s the port?
_The Author to His Hostess_
(AN OPEN LETTER)
[Very few English men of letters enjoy a desirable social position. To be sure, they are frequently invited to functions, where they are treated with insistent affability by persons belonging to the higher cla.s.ses; but the sort of position to be obtained in this way is insecure, and unpleasant to any save those of adamantine cheek.--_Current Magazine._]
Dear Lady,--When you bade me come To grace your crowded ”Kettledrum,”
And mingle in the best society; When Melba sang, and Elman played,
And waiters handed lemonade (Tempering music with sobriety), I never had the least suspicion Of my precarious position.
But now, with opened eyes, I leap To this conclusion, shrewd and deep, (What cerebral agility!): Your compliments were insincere, Your hospitality was mere ”Insistent affability!”
And I, a foolish man of letters, Who thought to mingle with his betters!
Ah me! How pride precedes a fall!
That one who haunted ”rout” or ball, When invitations were acquirable, Should see himself as others see, Becoming suddenly, like me, A social ”undesirable”; Invading the selectest clique With truly adamantine cheek!
How proud an air I used to wear!
When t.i.tled persons turned to stare, I blushed like a geranium.
When lovely ladies softly said:
”Oh, d.u.c.h.ess, did you see his head?”
”What a capacious cranium!”
”Yes; isn't that the man who writes?”
”I wonder why they look such frights!”