Part 40 (1/2)
Chapter Seventy-two.
Jill was in her nights.h.i.+rt, listening at their bedroom door, which she'd cracked open so she could hear what was going on in Megan's room. Victoria and Abby were in there with Megan, and the girls hadn't emerged except to let Beef join them. Jill couldn't help but wonder what was going on.
”Honey, they're fine.” Sam was in bed, reading, his gla.s.ses perched at the end of his nose.
”But what are they doing in there?”
”I think they're dealing with it, and they'll be fine.”
”This is the week from h.e.l.l, for Megan.” Jill stayed at the door. ”And I haven't been the most attentive mother.”
”Megan knows you love her.”
”Now she's the one who needs triage.” Jill felt achy, bruised, and tired. ”I can't believe I was wrong about her panic attack. I blew that, big-time.”
”No, it was all of a piece. She had everything going on, all at once. The text photo was only a part of it.”
”Not to a thirteen-year-old.”
”Come here, love. Come to bed.” Sam took off his gla.s.ses and set them and his book on the nighttable, and Jill shut the door, went to bed, and slipped under the covers, lying on her good side. Sam reached for her, stroking her arm. ”How do you feel? Does your eye still hurt?”
”A little.” Jill edged over, giving him a kiss, then another, sweeter one. ”I love you.”
”I love you, too, and I have something to say.” Sam met her eye, growing serious, and Jill sensed it was time for their reckoning.
”I guess we have to figure this out, huh?”
”Yes, and one of us already has.”
”Okay, go ahead,” Jill said, trying not to be nervous.
”I'm sorry I acted like a fool. It's not that I don't want the kids, it's that I wanted more of you. You see the difference?”
”Yes.” Jill felt touched. ”I'm sorry, too. I should have talked to you more. I don't want it to be about the kids twenty-four/seven, either. I really don't.” She gestured down the hall. ”I'm not listening at Megan's door, for example. That would be crazy.”
Sam laughed. ”Good point. That's progress.”
”See?” Jill smiled, then it faded, and it was her turn to get serious. ”But what are we going to do about Abby and Victoria? You see them, they're down the hall, one door from Steven, and I like it. I love it. All of us, under the same roof. This is going to happen, from time to time, if I have things my way. What do you say?”
”You know what, I'm fine with it.”
Jill scoffed. ”Come on. Really?”
”Really.” Sam nodded, apparently happily. ”I'm fine with it now. I'm educable, for an academic.”
”What changed your mind?”
”A few things. First, losing you. It scared me, to think about losing you. It put everything in perspective. All the fighting, and all the disagreements, they're stupid. Life is short. Too short.” Sam touched her cheek. ”And second, and more importantly, I finally understood what you had been saying about Abby.”
”How so?”
”Remember when you said that if something happened to me, and Steven needed you, what would I want you to do?”
”Yes.”
”Well, that wasn't the hypothetical that convinced me. The hypothetical that convinced me just happened.” Sam paused, his jaw working, and even the trace of a smile vanished. ”Because if something happened to you, if I lost you, I realized that I would never stop being there for Megan. I realized that I'd always love her and I'd always feel like her father. No matter what, no matter who. Forever. I'm hers.”
Jill could have cried with happiness. ”Sam, that's lovely.”
”You taught me. Of course, you almost had to get killed to teach me, but I came around.” Sam smiled, touching her face. ”So. Again. Will you marry me?”
”Yes. Please.” Jill kissed him softly.
”Good. Thank G.o.d that's settled. I can't function. You should've seen me, in Cleveland. Worst paper I ever gave.”
”I doubt it.”
”No, truly. Lee put me on the plane. He practically said, good riddance.”
Jill laughed.
”Now, let's get some rest. You must be exhausted. I'll get the lamp.” Sam reached over and switched it off, so the bedroom was dark and still. The only light came from the moon outside the open windows, and a cool breeze ruffled the sheers. The rain had stopped, having washed the world, and the air smelled fresh, clean, and most of all, like home.
”This is nice.” Jill s.h.i.+fted over and fitted her body to his side, finally exhaling.
”It sure is. We made it. We survived.”
”Yes, and all that is over now.”
”Yes it is, all over now,” Sam repeated, and Jill lay still while he fell asleep, not five minutes later.
But she didn't fall asleep. She couldn't. Her head pounded, her throat ached. Her shoulder bandage made it hard to get comfortable. She tossed and turned, but couldn't shut out her thoughts. So much had happened in such a short time, and her mind crackled as if it were electrified. She'd been in two different ERs in one day, as a patient, not a doctor. And she'd quit her job at Pembey Family.
I'm not an employee, I'm a doctor.
Jill didn't regret her words, rash as they were. Even if Pembey wanted her back, she wasn't going. She was already thinking she might try to get a job in an ER at a children's hospital. She could put her triage mentality to good use there, and maybe she'd work full-time, now that Megan was older. Maybe the next chapter of her life wouldn't be so bad. The future could be better than the past. Maybe, after all, there was a forever.
She turned over but still couldn't sleep, so she got up and went downstairs. The house was dark and quiet, except for the sound of crickets and bats coming through the screens. Jill turned on the kitchen lights, went to her laptop, sat down, and moved the mouse to wake it up. Its bright screen light made her squint, but her eyes adjusted, and it was still open to the last doc.u.ment she'd worked on, the file she'd made of her notes from William's laptop. She'd copied all of his files, too.