Part 21 (1/2)
”Yes, a while ago, after William and I broke up.”
Sam padded over barefoot and cupped her shoulder. ”I'm sorry, honey.”
”Thanks, but it's not about me, it's about her.”
”You feel guilty.”
”As I should.” Jill shook her head, slumping in the chair. ”When we find her, I'll make sure she goes to Sandy, I swear. It's a way for me to make amends.”
”You don't need to make amends.”
”Yes, I do.” Jill straightened up and met his eye. ”She suffered after the divorce.”
”They all did.”
”It doesn't mean that she didn't, and in some ways, it was unique.”
Sam frowned. ”Was it really?”
”Yes.” Jill could sense the tension growing between them, as if the kitchen had developed an atmospheric pressure of its own, brewing a domestic storm. ”She tried to kill herself. Victoria didn't. Megan didn't. That's unique.”
”Everyone suffers in his or her own way.”
”True, but that's beside the point.” Jill stood up and walked past him to the sink, where she grabbed a tumbler from the cabinet and let the door close with a bang that woke Beef up, blinking.
”I'm sorry,” Sam said. ”I don't want to fuss.”
”Me, neither. Sorry.” Jill ran water into the gla.s.s, turned off the faucet, and took a sip. It was warm and tasted like nothing. She tried to move past the moment. The air felt too thick to breathe. ”Anyway, the problem is we don't know where Abby is, and time matters. It doesn't make sense that she's disappeared of her own volition. If she would try to commit suicide because I wasn't in her life, why would she vanish now that I am?”
”Because now she knows you're watching.” Sam came over and leaned against the counter, on his elbow. ”It's how she keeps your attention. It's consistent with the drunk-driving, the phone calls, the requests for help. You stay if you're needed, so she acts needy.”
”I wouldn't keep ascribing so much bad motive to her, honey.” Jill felt her chest tighten. ”Her father, he was a schemer, but she isn't. If I can separate the two, so can you.”
”But you're seeing her suicide attempt as a game-changer, and it isn't. This isn't new news, not really. We knew she was troubled.”
Jill couldn't hide her irritation. ”Anyway, you heard, I'm going to New York to find her, tomorrow.”
”Why New York?”
Jill thought he said it like Neptune, even though they went up there all the time, for the museums. ”Neil Straub is a guy who was in investments with William. He lives in an apartment in the West Village. Victoria couldn't find out much about him, but I hope I can.”
”Why do you think so?”
”Because I don't take no for an answer.”
”That's for d.a.m.n sure.”
Jill looked over, then let it go. She dumped out the water and set the tumbler in the sink since the dishwasher wasn't through with its cycle. ”Abby could have gone up to be with Neil. Or he could have taken her in, even. Or he could be in danger, too.”
Sam lifted an eyebrow. ”Then it's not a great idea, your going there.”
”I'm just going to ask a few questions, like if the doorman has seen Abby with him recently. If it seems dangerous, I'll go to the police.”
”In New York?”
”Yes. They have cops there.”
Sam's lips flattened. ”Do you want to fight? It seems as if you do.”
”No, I don't, but I just don't want to be”-Jill paused, searching for the right word-”resisted, at every turn. To get pushback when I'm trying to do the right thing.”
”But what if I disagree that it's the right thing? I'm supposed to be a yes man?”
”No.”
”Then what?”
Jill leaned on the counter, suddenly weary. ”Abby is still missing, Sam. She's a suicidal girl. I'm not making something out of nothing.”
”Still, it's not your problem.”
”Yes, it is. I can't unknow something. I helped create the problem and I can't deny it.”
”No, you didn't,” Sam said, firmly.
”Then we don't agree, and in any event, who's going to look for her? Her parents are dead.”
”What happens to Megan, when you're in New York?”
Jill thought it was a low blow. ”What does she have to do with it? She's in school tomorrow, then she has practice. Manhattan is two hours away. I should be home by five at the latest, even if I take the train.”
Sam shook his head. ”I would think that after yesterday, you'd let go of this Abby thing, but you're just getting in deeper.”
”I can't let it go, now.” Jill raised her voice, though she knew Sam wouldn't. Whenever they fought, she felt like a screaming meemie. The angriest he ever got was a sort of scholarly consternation.
”You have to let it go. Megan needs you.”
”During the day, for what? I'd be running errands, making calls, or answering email while she's at school.” Jill didn't add that she'd been feeling more and more useless on her days off, like she didn't deserve to work part-time anymore, especially after what Sheryl had said.
”So we're in for the duration, are we?” Sam took off his reading gla.s.ses and tossed them to the counter, an uncharacteristic gesture.
”What's that mean?”
”It means we're going down this road. You're fully on board with Abby, and we're left behind.”
”Who is?”