Part 6 (1/2)

”Thank you, Aaron. We'll leave you to your work,” said Paul. He motioned us toward the door. ”Can everyone please thank Mr. Cane for his time?”

We all mumbled thanks and headed out. As we walked up the hall and onto the tram, I started scratching gently on my bandages. The heat had been growing inside throughout the visit.

”How are you feeling, Owen?”

I looked up to find Paul right beside me, looking down, or at least, it seemed like he was. I wanted to step away but we were crowded in the hall. I tried to just be calm, normal.

”Oh,” I said, lowering my hands. ”You know, getting better.”

”You've been on my mind since yesterday,” he said. ”Is your neck still giving you trouble?”

”Not really,” I lied, hoping it sounded sincere. ”No big deal.”

”No side effects?” Paul asked.

”Nah,” I replied. ”Dr. Maria says they're healing right up.”

”I see,” said Paul.

We arrived back at the tram, and everyone filed in.

”Well,” said Paul, ”just remember: you know where to find me.”

”Sure,” I said, trying to sound like I thought that was a fine idea.

”Good.” Paul patted my shoulder as I boarded. As I moved to a seat, I saw Leech watching me. He was looking around Paige, who was sitting on his lap. It was a weird look, like he was studying me, like he was trying to figure something out. I waited for the next wise comment, but it didn't come.

”I'll be staying behind,” Paul said to the group. ”Have a nice afternoon.” He turned and walked briskly inside.

As we rode back to the elevator, I heard Bunsen saying to Beaker, ”If panels keep going out like that, they won't be able to replace them fast enough.”

”I know,” said Beaker, ”and did you see that map I found, and how many panels were red?”

Bunsen nodded. ”I think the dome is screwed.”

”Hey, Bunsen!” Leech shouted. ”How many times do I have to tell you: shut the hole!”

”Quiet down,” said Todd from the front of the tram. He sounded stern, sullen, like maybe he was thinking the same thing that Bunsen and Beaker were.

Soon, the flirting started back up again and led to all kinds of loud laughing and whispered jokes as we descended back to camp.

I thought about the panel fire. How often did that happen? What kind of danger was this place really in?

But my thoughts were drowned out by the burning in my neck. The sensation had been growing through this entire visit, and now I almost couldn't stand it. I felt like I wanted, needed, water again. I tucked my chin down and moved my head back and forth, making the collar of my pullover scratch against the bandages.

It helped, but it must have looked weird, because Noah said, ”Hey, Turtle, what's with you?”

”Nothing,” I muttered. I glanced at him but then looked away. The last thing I needed right now was to have to deal with anyone from Leech's pack. I leaned back against the tram window, hoping the itching would stop.

Chapter 6

BUT IT DIDN'T. NOT ALL AFTERNOON, NOT AFTER dinner. By the time we got to bed that night, I was rubbing my knuckles against the bandages nonstop. I'd thought about trying to ditch dinner again, thinking maybe the shower would help, but I was still constantly hungry from having thrown up and missed eating the day before. I saw Lilly from a distance in the dining hall, but there was no chance to talk to her. dinner. By the time we got to bed that night, I was rubbing my knuckles against the bandages nonstop. I'd thought about trying to ditch dinner again, thinking maybe the shower would help, but I was still constantly hungry from having thrown up and missed eating the day before. I saw Lilly from a distance in the dining hall, but there was no chance to talk to her.

While my cabin spent the night playing games and tormenting each other, I was just lying in my bunk, burning up. Todd read more to us, and everyone eventually fell asleep, except me. Hours pa.s.sed, and I kept thinking, Come on Come on, but I was stuck awake, neck scalding.

I don't know what time it was when I finally sat up. I gazed around at the sleeping faces in the cabin. Everyone looked younger, their brows round instead of sharp, their closed eyes making straight lines. Leech's mouth made a little o o as he snored. From the other room, I could hear Todd sawing away. There was a chorus of breathing, ins and outs, a peaceful, musical sound compared to the steady whir of the air compressor in my dad's nebulizer. as he snored. From the other room, I could hear Todd sawing away. There was a chorus of breathing, ins and outs, a peaceful, musical sound compared to the steady whir of the air compressor in my dad's nebulizer.

It wasn't soothing me, though. The burning was worse than ever. I couldn't stand it anymore. And I had a feeling, a certainty, that there was something I needed to do.

I got up and slowly climbed down my ladder, slipped off my sweatpants, and put on my bathing suit. I had that weird feeling again, like with the shower, of just doing things, and not really knowing why. All that mattered was stopping the pain.

You're doing great. The new technician was back again. The new technician was back again.

I slipped on my sneakers and pushed open the side door. It squeaked, but no one stirred. I slid out onto the steps and slowly let the door close. It locked from the inside, a fact that Todd had pointed out to us for precisely this reason.

”Try to sneak out, and the only way you're getting back in is through the front door,” he'd said. ”And I'm a light sleeper.” His rumbling snores seemed to refute that.

I headed down the dark, winding path through the trees, s.h.i.+vering. The night air had been cooled to fifteen. Above, an owl called.

I crossed the fields. The gra.s.s was bathed in MoonGlow. The moon itself was halfway up the wall, being projected at three-quarters full, and the stars were sprayed across the ceiling, a faint river of Milky Way meandering between them.

Cold wet seeped through my sneakers from the dew, and there was a strange smell, kind of like flowers but tangy. I looked down and saw tiny rectangular segments clumping on my sneakers. Cut gra.s.s. I'd never seen it before. My feet made swis.h.i.+ng sounds in the chopped plants.

Neck burning, I kept moving. Ahead was the beach. The lake sparkled with little diamonds. The sand caked over the layer of gra.s.s already coating my shoes.

Why am I here? I wondered. I wondered.

Just relax, we need to do this, said the new technician. And I felt like, yes, we did. Had to stop the searing, all-consuming itching on my neck, and there was only one way. I felt a pure certainty about this-kind of like before with the shower-one that was growing with every minute of agony and every step I took. And I felt like, yes, we did. Had to stop the searing, all-consuming itching on my neck, and there was only one way. I felt a pure certainty about this-kind of like before with the shower-one that was growing with every minute of agony and every step I took.

I reached the edge of the lapping water. MoonGlow reflected on the surface, blackness beneath. The dock's rusty hinges creaked. Little plunks echoed as water sloshed in the shadows between its Styrofoam floats.

I kicked off my shoes, thinking at the same time, I just drowned here I just drowned here, but then my toes touched the water's edge and though I felt little aching spikes from the cold, I also felt a sudden rush of calm. Water around my ankles in little icy shackles. Even more relief. I pulled off my T-s.h.i.+rt and tossed it back onto the sand, walked out until the water reached my knees. My muscles twitched, cramps quivering in the arches of my feet, my arms and chest sprouting goose b.u.mps. But at the same time, tiny soothing shocks seemed to be reaching my wounds. The pain ebbed further. It was the shower all over again. Water erasing my pain. I looked up to the sky in relief and took a deep breath- But it didn't work. The breath pa.s.sed over my teeth, my tongue, and then stopped in my throat, like it had run into a wall. My chest locked up, nothing getting in. I could hear myself making gagging sounds.

And something felt different about my wounds. They felt open, strange, almost like they were moving. I clawed at the bandages, tearing them away. My fingers sc.r.a.ped my neck and I felt the flaps of skin quivering, like my wounds were creatures coming to life.

Breathe! It was happening again. I was sinking back inside myself, dark corners, drowning... only this time, it was happening in the air. My chest ached. White spots appeared in my eyes. I staggered and my body threw itself over, like it was acting on its own now. I crashed into the water face-first, sinking beneath the surface, water pouring into my mouth once more- It was happening again. I was sinking back inside myself, dark corners, drowning... only this time, it was happening in the air. My chest ached. White spots appeared in my eyes. I staggered and my body threw itself over, like it was acting on its own now. I crashed into the water face-first, sinking beneath the surface, water pouring into my mouth once more- Suddenly I could breathe again. The feeling of panic instantly began to fade.

It made no sense.

It made sense.

I opened my eyes to see the swirling grit of the sandy bottom. Cool air slid across my back. I was doing a dead man's float in the foot-deep water. My lungs were still; the constant rise and fall of my diaphragm, present all my life except for ten minutes the day before, had ceased; and yet...

This time it was fine.

Everything was fine. Because something new was moving.