Part 19 (1/2)
”Did you ever try to find out what happened to us after the war?”
Leave it to George to find the one spot he didn't want exposed. There were some things that Madison didn't want to admit, even to himself. Just like Fern. She had constructed walls all around herself to keep out things she didn't want to see, to support the narrow world she had created for herself, to blind her to the things about herself she didn't want to know.
His walls might be less formidable, but they were walls just the same.
”Freddy's father has friends in Was.h.i.+ngton. It wasn't too difficult to have the army locate you.”
”Then you were responsible for General Sheridan.”
”No, but when your application for a pardon turned up”
”How did you know about that?”
”Freddy's father.”
”Then Grant didn't send the pardons.”
”Yes, he did, but they might not have come so quickly.”
”And Sheridan?”
”He was chasing bandits. It was easy for him stop by the ranch.”
Madison remembered how anxiously he had waited for news. Freddy's family had been kinder and more generous than his own, but during those dark years he'd learned that no one could replace your own family. Just knowing they were alive made everything easier.
”And Hen?”
”The Kansas Pacific is one of our clients. They don't like anything that might disturb the flow of longhorns from Texas. Their trains go west loaded with goods, but they come back mostly empty. Your cattle are sometimes their margin of profit. A war between the Texas drovers and the citizens of Abilene, a war which could easily be set off by the hanging of a member of one of Texas's most prominent families”
”Good G.o.d, whoever called us that?” ”is bad for the railroad. They notified us immediately.”
”So you knew about Hen's arrest almost as soon as I did.”
Madison nodded.
”Will you continue to keep up with us through the company reports after you go back to Boston?”
”I hope that won't be necessary.”
”It won't, not if you really want to know.”
”I do.”
Surprising how difficult it was to say those two words. He felt as if he were admitting to a weakness. It seemed to imply he'd been wrong when he left eight years ago.
”I'd do it over again,” Madison said. ”I couldn't have done anything else.”
”I don't guess I'll ever understand, but I'll try.”
”The twins never will.”
”We're all learning to accept things we can't understand. Jeff has his arm. I have Pa.”
”We all have Pa.”
”But it's not so bad if we have each other.”
Madison hoped it was true. The need for his father's love and approval was something he'd never admitted. There was no point in it. It was easier to admit he needed George's approval.
”Why did you name your son after him? I could have fallen over when I found out.”
”I'll tell you some day.”
”Why not now?”
”You're not ready.”
That angered Madison. ”What do you mean? Is there some special understanding that only people who live in Texas can appreciate?”
”No. It's something no man can appreciate unless he's laid down his weapons, called off all quarrels, and turned his attention to the things he never thought he'd be able to have. You're not there yet. There's too much anger inside. You're fighting too hard to understand.”
Madison didn't like that answer, but he had enough innate honesty to know that George was right. He was still fighting to prove he was right when he left the ranch.
”Do you mind if I ask what's in that box?” George asked.
Madison's mood changed abruptly. ”Curiosity about to kill the cat?”
”It's not quite that bad,” George said, smiling without embarra.s.sment. ”One of the drawbacks of being interested in everybody's welfare is being curious about their business as well.”
”That shouldn't cause any problem with all of you living in the same house.”
”You don't live with us.”
A momentary shadow crossed Madison's face. ”I don't think I want to tell you. It's a gamble, one that might not work out. I'm not too fond of advertising my failures.”
”Want some advice?”
”No.”
”Good. I'm not good with women.”
”Who said it had anything to do with a woman?”
”No man can be married for five years and not learn to recognize a dress box,” George said, amus.e.m.e.nt dancing in his eyes. ”Either there's a woman involved, or you've taken up some very strange habits since you went to Boston.”
Madison laughed aloud.