Part 7 (1/2)

I started my set off with ”What More Can I Say” and I ended the night with ”December 4th,” the song I named for my birthday. I ended the concert by ”retiring” myself, sending a giant jersey with my name on it up to the rafters. As it was making its way to top of the Garden, I looked into the crowd and saw a girl in the audience crying, real tears streaming down her face. It was all I could do to stop looking at her and focus on the person next to her. My songs are my stories, but they take on their own life in the minds of people listening. The connection that creates is sometimes overwhelming.

DECEMBER 4TH.

[image]

[Jay-Z's mom] / Shawn Carter was born December 4th / Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces / He was the last of my four children / The only one who didn't give me any pain when I gave birth to him / And that's how I knew that he was a special child / Shawn Carter was born December 4th / Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces / He was the last of my four children / The only one who didn't give me any pain when I gave birth to him / And that's how I knew that he was a special child1 / / [ [Jay-Z] / They say ”they never really miss you till you dead or you gone” dead or you gone”2 / So on that note I'm leaving after the song / So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long / At least let me tell you why I'm this way, Hold on / I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adnis Reeves / Who made love under the sycamore tree / Which makes me / / So on that note I'm leaving after the song / So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long / At least let me tell you why I'm this way, Hold on / I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adnis Reeves / Who made love under the sycamore tree / Which makes me / A more sicker MC, A more sicker MC,3 my momma would claim / At 10 pounds when I was born I didn't give her no pain / Although through the years I gave her her fair share / I gave her her first real scare / my momma would claim / At 10 pounds when I was born I didn't give her no pain / Although through the years I gave her her fair share / I gave her her first real scare / I made up for birth when I got here I made up for birth when I got here4 / / She knows my purpose wasn't purpose She knows my purpose wasn't purpose5 / I ain't perfect I care / But I feel worthless cause my s.h.i.+rts wasn't matchin my gear / Now I'm just scratchin the surface cause what's buried under there / / I ain't perfect I care / But I feel worthless cause my s.h.i.+rts wasn't matchin my gear / Now I'm just scratchin the surface cause what's buried under there / Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared6 / I went to school got good grades could behave when I wanted / But I had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted / Hold on / [ / I went to school got good grades could behave when I wanted / But I had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted / Hold on / [Jay-Z's mom] Shawn was a very shy child growing up / He was into sports / And a funny story is / At four he taught himself how to ride a bike / A two-wheeler at that / Isn't that special? / But I noticed a change in him when me and my husband broke up Shawn was a very shy child growing up / He was into sports / And a funny story is / At four he taught himself how to ride a bike / A two-wheeler at that / Isn't that special? / But I noticed a change in him when me and my husband broke up / [ / [Jay-Z] Now all the teachers couldn't reach me / And my momma couldn't beat me / Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me, Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me,7 SO / SO / With that disdain in my membrane With that disdain in my membrane8 / Got on my pimp game / f.u.c.k the world my defense came / Then DeHaven introduced me to the game / Spanish Jose introduced me to cane / I'm a hustler now / / Got on my pimp game / f.u.c.k the world my defense came / Then DeHaven introduced me to the game / Spanish Jose introduced me to cane / I'm a hustler now / My gear is in My gear is in9 and I'm in the in crowd / And all the wavy light-skinned girls is lovin me now / and I'm in the in crowd / And all the wavy light-skinned girls is lovin me now / My self-esteem went through the roof man I got my swag My self-esteem went through the roof man I got my swag10 / Got a Volvo from this girl when her man got bagged / Plus I hit my momma with cash from a show that I had / / Got a Volvo from this girl when her man got bagged / Plus I hit my momma with cash from a show that I had / Supposedly knowin n.o.body paid Jaz wack a.s.s Supposedly knowin n.o.body paid Jaz wack a.s.s11 / I'm getting ahead of myself, by the way, I could rap / That came second to me moving this crack / Gimme a second I swear / / I'm getting ahead of myself, by the way, I could rap / That came second to me moving this crack / Gimme a second I swear / I will say about my rap career I will say about my rap career / / Till '96 Till '9612 came n.i.g.g.as I'm here / Goodbye / [ came n.i.g.g.as I'm here / Goodbye / [Jay-Z's mom] Shawn used to be in the kitchen / Beating on the table and rapping / And um, until the wee hours of the morning / And then I bought him a boom box / And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts / But that was my way to keep him close to me and out of trouble / Shawn used to be in the kitchen / Beating on the table and rapping / And um, until the wee hours of the morning / And then I bought him a boom box / And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts / But that was my way to keep him close to me and out of trouble / [ [Jay-Z] Goodbye to the game all the spoils, the adrenaline rush / Your blood boils you in a spot knowing cops could rush Your blood boils you in a spot knowing cops could rush13 / / And you in a drop you're so easy to touch And you in a drop you're so easy to touch14 / No two days are alike / / No two days are alike / Except the first and fifteenth pretty much Except the first and fifteenth pretty much15 / And ”trust” is a word you seldom hear from us / / And ”trust” is a word you seldom hear from us / Hustlers we don't sleep we rest one eye up Hustlers we don't sleep we rest one eye up16 / And a drought can define a man, when the well dries up / / And a drought can define a man, when the well dries up / You learn the worth of water without work you thirst till you die You learn the worth of water without work you thirst till you die17 / YUP / And n.i.g.g.as get tied up for product / / YUP / And n.i.g.g.as get tied up for product / And little brothers ring fingers get cut up And little brothers ring fingers get cut up18 / To show mothers they really got em / And this was the stress I live with till I decided / To try this rap s.h.i.+t for a livin / I pray I'm forgiven / For every bad decision I made / / To show mothers they really got em / And this was the stress I live with till I decided / To try this rap s.h.i.+t for a livin / I pray I'm forgiven / For every bad decision I made / Every sister I played Every sister I played19 / Cause I'm still paranoid to this day / And it's n.o.body fault I made the decisions I made / / Cause I'm still paranoid to this day / And it's n.o.body fault I made the decisions I made / This is the life I chose or rather the life that chose me This is the life I chose or rather the life that chose me20 / If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack / Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black / If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack / Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black / If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack / Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black / If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack / Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black

HISTORY1 / FEATURING CEE-LO / FEATURING CEE-LO.

[image]

”There is video content at this location that is not currently supported for your eReading device. The caption for this content is displayed below.”

By the Third Time They Were Singing Along. (1:10) Now that all the smoke is gone / (Lighter) / And the battle's finally won / (Gimme a lighter) / Victory (Lighters up) is finally ours / (Lighters up) / History so long so long / So long so long / In search of Victory In search of Victory2 she keeps eluding me she keeps eluding me3 / If only we could be together momentarily / / If only we could be together momentarily / We can make love and make History We can make love and make History4 / Why won't you visit me? until she visit me / I'll be stuck with her sister her name is Defeat / She gives me agony so much agony / She brings me so much pain so much misery / Like missing your last shot and falling to your knees / / Why won't you visit me? until she visit me / I'll be stuck with her sister her name is Defeat / She gives me agony so much agony / She brings me so much pain so much misery / Like missing your last shot and falling to your knees / As the crowd screams for the other team As the crowd screams for the other team5 / I practice so hard for this moment Victory don't leave / I know what this means I'm stuck in this routine / / I practice so hard for this moment Victory don't leave / I know what this means I'm stuck in this routine / Whole new different day same old thing Whole new different day same old thing6 / All I got is dreams n.o.body else can see / / All I got is dreams n.o.body else can see / n.o.body else believes n.o.body else but me n.o.body else believes n.o.body else but me7 / Where are you Victory? I need you desperately / Not just for the moment to make History / Now that all the smoke is gone / (Lighters) / And the battle's finally won / (Lighters) / Victory is finally ours / (Yeah) / History (yeah) so long so long / So long so long / So now I'm flirting with Death / Where are you Victory? I need you desperately / Not just for the moment to make History / Now that all the smoke is gone / (Lighters) / And the battle's finally won / (Lighters) / Victory is finally ours / (Yeah) / History (yeah) so long so long / So long so long / So now I'm flirting with Death hustling like a G hustling like a G8 / While Victory wasn't watching took chances repeatedly / As a teenage boy before acne before / While Victory wasn't watching took chances repeatedly / As a teenage boy before acne before I got proactive I got proactive9 I couldn't face she / I just threw on my hoodie and headed to the street / That's where I met Success we'd live together shortly / I couldn't face she / I just threw on my hoodie and headed to the street / That's where I met Success we'd live together shortly / Now Success is like l.u.s.t she's good to the touch Now Success is like l.u.s.t she's good to the touch10 / She's good for the moment but she's never enough / / She's good for the moment but she's never enough / Everybody's had her she's nothing like V Everybody's had her she's nothing like V11 / But Success is all I got unfortunately / But I'm burning down the block hoppin' in and out of V / But something tells me that there's much more to see / / But Success is all I got unfortunately / But I'm burning down the block hoppin' in and out of V / But something tells me that there's much more to see / Before I get killed because I can't get robbed Before I get killed because I can't get robbed12 / / So before me Success and Death menage So before me Success and Death menage13 / I gotta get lost I gotta find V / We gotta be together to make History / Now that all the smoke is gone / (Lighters. Up.) / And the battle's finally won / (Lighters. Up.) / Victory is finally ours / (Lighters. Up.) / History so long so long / So long so long / Now Victory is mine it tastes so sweet / She's my trophy wife / I gotta get lost I gotta find V / We gotta be together to make History / Now that all the smoke is gone / (Lighters. Up.) / And the battle's finally won / (Lighters. Up.) / Victory is finally ours / (Lighters. Up.) / History so long so long / So long so long / Now Victory is mine it tastes so sweet / She's my trophy wife you're coming with me you're coming with me14 / We'll have a baby who / We'll have a baby who stutters repeatedly stutters repeatedly15 / We'll name him History he'll repeat after me / He's my legacy son of my hard work / / We'll name him History he'll repeat after me / He's my legacy son of my hard work / Future of my past he'll explain who I be Future of my past he'll explain who I be16 / Rank me amongst the greats either one two or three / If I ain't number one then I failed you Victory / Ain't in it for the fame that dies within weeks / Ain't in it for the money can't take it when you leave / I wanna be remembered long after you grieve / Long after I'm gone long after I breathe / / Rank me amongst the greats either one two or three / If I ain't number one then I failed you Victory / Ain't in it for the fame that dies within weeks / Ain't in it for the money can't take it when you leave / I wanna be remembered long after you grieve / Long after I'm gone long after I breathe / I leave all I am in the hands of History I leave all I am in the hands of History17 / / That's my last will and testimony That's my last will and testimony18 / This is much more than a song it's a baby shower / / This is much more than a song it's a baby shower / I've been waiting for this hour History I've been waiting for this hour History19 you ours / Now that all the smoke is gone / And the battle's finally won / Victory is finally ours / History so long so long / So long so long you ours / Now that all the smoke is gone / And the battle's finally won / Victory is finally ours / History so long so long / So long so long

Bonus Video

”There is video content at this location that is not currently supported for your eReading device. The caption for this content is displayed below.”

Evolution of My Style. (2:29)

EPILOGUE.

I was over at L.A. Reid's house in New York for a dinner party a couple of years ago when I first met Oprah Winfrey. I've met a lot of powerful people, but Oprah, as everyone knows, is in her own stratosphere. She's also someone who's been vocally skeptical about hip-hop for a long time because of the violence and rawness of a lot of the imagery and language, particularly the use of what she'd call the ”n-word.” It's ironic that she's also been a champion of other kinds of writing-from poets like Maya Angelou to novelists like Toni Morrison-that also use violent and raw images and language (including the dreaded n-word!) to get at true emotions and experiences. But for her, rap was different, and dangerous, in a way that other forms of art weren't.

Oprah and I ended up talking for a while at that dinner. Somehow, it came up that I'd read The Seat of the Soul The Seat of the Soul, a book that really affected the way I think about life-the book is about karma and what it means to do the right thing and the power of intention. It turns out that the author, Gary Zukav, had been a guest on Oprah's show on multiple occasions, and Oprah expressed surprise that I was also a fan of his work. She didn't expect that of a rapper. I could tell that the way she saw me s.h.i.+fted in that moment; I wasn't exactly who she thought I was.

Oprah and I have since gone on to become friendly acquaintances, after having only observed each other warily from a distance. But it was a fascinating moment to me. Rap, as I said at the beginning of the book, is at heart an art form that gave voice to a specific experience, but, like every art, is ultimately about the most common human experiences: joy, pain, fear, desire, uncertainty, hope, anger, love-love of crew, love of family, even romantic love (put on ”The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” some time and tell me rap can't be romantic-or if you want to keep it street, put on Mary J. Blige and Method Man's ”I'll Be There for You/You're All I Need to Get By”). Of course, in the end, it may not be the art form for you. Oprah, for instance, still can't get past the n-word issue (or the n.i.g.g.a n.i.g.g.a issue, with all apologies to Ms. Winfrey). I can respect her position. To her, it's a matter of acknowledging the deep and painful history of the word. To me, it's just a word, a word whose power is owned by the user and his or her intention. People give words power, so banning a word is futile, really. ”n.i.g.g.a” becomes ”porch monkey” becomes ”c.o.o.n” and so on if that's what's in a person's heart. The key is to change the person. And we change people through conversation, not through censors.h.i.+p. That's why I want people to understand what the words we use-and the stories we tell-are really about. issue, with all apologies to Ms. Winfrey). I can respect her position. To her, it's a matter of acknowledging the deep and painful history of the word. To me, it's just a word, a word whose power is owned by the user and his or her intention. People give words power, so banning a word is futile, really. ”n.i.g.g.a” becomes ”porch monkey” becomes ”c.o.o.n” and so on if that's what's in a person's heart. The key is to change the person. And we change people through conversation, not through censors.h.i.+p. That's why I want people to understand what the words we use-and the stories we tell-are really about.

And that's why I wrote this book. I love writing rhymes. There's probably nothing that gives me as much pleasure. There have been times in my life when I've tried to put it to the side-when I was a kid, so I could focus on hustling in the streets, and when I was an adult, so I could focus on hustling in the boardroom-but the words kept coming. They're still coming and will probably never stop. That's my story. But the story of the larger culture is a story of a million MCs all over the world who are looking out their windows or standing on street corners or riding in their cars through their cities or suburbs or small towns and inside of them the words are coming, too, the words they need to make sense of the world they see around them. The words are witty and blunt, abstract and linear, sober and f.u.c.ked up. And when we decode that torrent of words-by which I mean really listen listen to them with our minds and hearts open-we can understand their world better. And ours, too. It's the same world. to them with our minds and hearts open-we can understand their world better. And ours, too. It's the same world.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

First and foremost I'd like to acknowledge Dream Hampton. How can I thank you enough? You've lived my words and life for so long that you might need therapy to get back to yours (sorry, Nina). Dream, thanks again for suffering for my art (I mean, you were in Martha's Vineyard but still, ha). You are a G.o.dSEND.

Chris Jackson for your dedication, appreciation of detail, and your tireless work-even following me around Coach.e.l.la (and missing your flight home).