Chapter - 36 (36) (2/2)

Gazing out window, he stared blankly and was lost in thought. Myriads of stories and plays flashed through his mind: ”Female emperor I do not know, how about the male emperors? How did they become emperors? Zhu Yuanzhang [Ming Dynasty founder] appeared to the world by fighting, under his command there were great generals Xu Da, Chang Yuchun, Hu Dahai, Mu Ying …” He gleaned this fact from the tale 'Legend of Heroic Deed of Ming Dynasty'. He also thought, ”Li Zicheng led his troops to attack Beijing, thus my Sifu's Papa, Emperor Chongzhen was forced to hang himself, and Li Zicheng became the Emperor. Qing troops then defeated Li Zicheng, old master emperor Shunzhi ascended the throne to become the Emperor. Wu Sangui wants to be the emperor; hence he raises troops to revolt. It seems that no matter who wants to be the emperor must raise arms and fight a great war, must kill until the sandstorm rolled on, until the blood flow and become a river, until the bones pile up like mountain.”

As soon as he thought about war, he was scared. He thought further, ”We are being locked up in here, what troops do we have? What war do we fight? If we don't fight the war, how can we become the emperor?” His knowledge of China's history was indeed very limited, he only knew that the only person who became the Emperor without fighting a war was the young Emperor Kangxi, and that was because the old Emperor left home and abdicated the throne for him. Naturally he could not use this method.

He thought further: in the many operas that he watched, there was this story 'Beheading Yellow Robe', in which the Song Dynasty Emperor Zhao Kuangyin [Song Dynasty founder] killed the great general Zheng En. His wife and children raised the troops to avenge their husband and father. Zhao Kuangyin was no match for them, he was forced to entreat piteously. He took off his yellow robe and let her chopped it with a saber into two pieces, it was considered a substitute for the Emperor to let Madame Zheng venting her anger. The Emperor was greatly humiliated.

And then there was this historical opera 'Hatred of the Deer Platform', about the tyrannical King Zhou. Jiang Taigong

[52] helped raising the troops for Zhou [different spelling] Wuwang

[53], forcing King Zhou to be burned to death on Deer Platform, and thus Zhou Wuwang became the Emperor. (Book note: naturally Wei Xiaobao did not know that at that time there was no 'Emperor' yet.)

How about Cao Cao

[54]? How did that big white face treacherous court official become the Emperor? The historical opera 'Fording the River Free and Unfettered' depicted Cao Cao leading his troops to hound Emperor Han something to death, and then he rose to the throne to be the new Emperor. The great generals under his command, Zhang somebody, and Xu somebody, were very formidable. (Book note: Wei Xiaobao remembered it wrong, Cao Cao did not become the emperor.)

And then there was Liu Bei; how did he become the Emperor? Wei Xiaobao did not know. It must be Guan Gong, Zhang Fei, and Zhao Yun helped him fighting the battle.

In short, to become the Emperor, one must fight. Even after one become the Emperor, if he was unable to defeat other people, then other people may snatch the Emperor position away, or if other people did not snatch it away, they may humiliate the Emperor and he would have bad luck.

The storytellers told the tale of 'Military Instructor Lin's fiery alliance with Wang Lun' of the 'Water Margin' [Outlaws of the Marsh], Chao Ge wanted to become the leader of the bandits, he colluded with Lin Chong to kill the original big boss of the Liangshan Marsh, Wang Lun. It can be clearly seen that even to become the boss of the bandits, one must fight.

Seeing him gnashing his teeth and punching the air with clenched fist Sophia laughed and asked, ”What are you doing?”

Wei Xiaobao was startled and awakened from his deep thought. ”Want to be the Emperor, one must fight,” he said.

Sophia stared at him blankly. ”Fight?” she asked, ”Fight whom?”

”Naturally fight Luocha old wh0re,” Wei Xiaobao replied.

Sophia heard him saying 'the Luocha old wh0re' several times, but did not understand what 'the old wh0re', three characters [lao biao zi] mean. She was just about to ask, suddenly the door was pushed open, the firearm brigade captain entered the room. He grabbed Wei Xiaobao's chest, while speaking some gibberish, and then dragged him out and kicked him heavily on the butts.

The captain burst into loud laughter, and sent another kick to him. Wei Xiaobao was furious, suddenly he leaped up and made somersault in the air and landed on the captain's shoulder. It was precisely the 'Di Qing Subduing the Dragon', one of the three moves to save his life taught by Hong Jiaozhu. Actually, he had not trained this move perfectly, if it was used against a martial art master, it would be far too inferior; however, how could this Luocha captain know Central Earth martial art? Although Wei Xiaobao carelessly and haphazardly turned over and leaped, unexpectedly he still succeeded. With the forefinger of both hands pressed against the captain's eyes, he shouted, ”Don't move! Eyes, dead!”

He wanted to say 'Don't move, otherwise I'll dig your eyes out' in Luocha language, but did not know how; without any better option, he simply said, ”Eyes, dead!” But the captain's perception was not weak, unexpectedly he understood. In great shock he stopped moving altogether.

With his right hand Wei Xiaobao pulled the captain's right ear and shouted, ”Go!” Then, just like riding a horse, he steered him back into the Princess' room. ”Close door! Firearms, take.”

Sophia was startled and delighted at the same time; busily she closed the door and took the short gun from the captain's side, and pressed it against the captain's back. Wei Xiaobao jumped down from his shoulder. He loosened the captain's waistband to tie up his feet, and then he loosened up the belt of his pants to tie his hands behind his back. As soon as the belt was taken off, the captain's pants fell down, exposing his naked lower part of the body. Sophia and Wei Xiaobao roared in laughter. The captain's entire face blushed deep red; he gnashed his teeth in extreme anger.

The door was pushed gently, Shuang'er stuck her head inside and asked, ”Xianggong, is everything alright?”

Wei Xiaobao beckoned her to come in and close the door. Seeing the captain's distressed situation Shuang'er was amused and puzzled at the same time. Sophia asked, ”We caught the captain, what for?”

Actually, Wei Xiaobao caught the captain simply because he was furious, he did not expect to use him for anything. But now that Sophia asked, a bright idea suddenly occurred. ”Tell him to led the troops to rebel,” he said. He did not know how to say the word 'rebel' in Luocha language, hence he said it in Chinese. He also said, ”Tell him to kill Tsaritsa, kill Tsar, you, become female Tsar.”

Sophia did not understand the Chinese word 'rebel', but she understood the sentence 'kill Tsaritsa, kill Tsar, you, become female Tsar' perfectly well. She was taken aback, but was immediately delighted. Turning toward the captain, she spoke some gibberish.

Wei Xiaobao did not understand a word of Luocha language the two were speaking in, but he saw the captain repeatedly shook his head; presumably he was unwilling to comply. Wei Xiaobao called out, ”He doesn't want to listen to you, kill him.” From his boot he pulled his dagger and swiped it on the captain's left cheek. 'Chi!' a large clump of beard was shaved instantly.

”What a sharp dagger,” Sophia said with a laugh.

The captain was so scared that his face turned ash grey; he thought, ”Turns out this little barbarian still has a dagger hidden in his leather boot; that's really strange, why didn't he use it that time?”

”Are you willing to surrender or not?” Sophia asked, ”And support me as the female Tsar?”

The captain said, ”It's not that I don't want to support Princess, but the troops under my command won't possibly obey my order. Moscow has twenty firearm brigades; we are only one of them. Even if we revolt, we cannot fight the other nineteen brigades.”

When Sophia heard this, she had to agree that what he said made sense; however, she had a hard time explaining it to Wei Xiaobao. Without better option, she had to resort to sign language; when she tried to explain about the twenty firearm brigades, ten fingers were not enough, she had to take off her shoes and used her ten toes before she could count to twenty.

With great difficulty finally Wei Xiaobao was able to understand her. He thought that it was a very difficult matter indeed. Sitting on a chair, he painstakingly pondered, ”This captain is unwilling to rebel, killing him would be useless.” He said to Sophia, ”Captain unwilling, get the deputy captain to rebel.”

”Deputy captain?” Sophia asked.

”Right,” Wei Xiaobao replied, ”Call the deputy captain.”

Sophia pushed the captain toward the door; with the gun on his back, she said, ”Call the deputy captain in! If you warn him, I'll shoot you immediately.” The captain had no choice, he called loudly to summon the deputy captain.

A moment later, the deputy captain pushed the door and came in. Shuang'er had already hidden behind the door, as soon as the deputy captain came in, Shuang'er stretched out her finger to jab at his back several times, sealing his acupoints, rendering him immovable. ”Xianggong,” Shuang'er said delightedly, ”Foreigner devils' acupoints are just the same as ours; I was afraid the devils' acupoints would be different.”

Wei Xiaobao laughed and said, ”Foreign devils also have eyes, have nose, have hands and feet; naturally they also have acupoints.” He drew the girdle ornament saber the captain wore on his waist, and said to Sophia, ”Tell him to kill the captain and rebel. He is unwilling, call the platoon leader here to kill him.”

Sophia thought it was a wonderful idea; she said to the deputy captain, ”Kill the captain, lead the firearm brigade, you become the captain, obey my command. You are unwilling to kill the captain, I'll get the platoon leader to kill you and the captain, and I'll make the platoon leader captain. Will you kill or not?”

”Shuang'er,” Wei Xiaobao said, ”Open the acupoints on his body, but do not untie the ones on his legs.” Following Wei Xiaobao's order, Shuang'er unsealed the acupoints on the upper part of his body; she also handed the saber over to him.

Sophia asked one more time. The captain swore and repeatedly threatened her. Ordinarily the deputy captain was not in a good term with the captain. When he was asked to rebel, he was actually scared, but hearing the captain's malicious swearing, he thought, ”If I don't kill you, the first platoon leader who wants to be captain will definitely kill you, and then I will also lose my life.” Thereupon he raised the saber, 'Ca!' he chopped the captain's head.

As the saber chopped down, Sophia, Wei Xiaobao and Shuang'er, three people cheered at once. It's just that Sophia was cheering in Russia, ”Helaxiao!” while Wei Xiaobao and Shuang'er naturally cheered in Chinese.

Sophia held the deputy captain's hand and repeatedly praised his bravery and loyalty. She promoted him to be the firearm brigade on the spot, saying, ”Sit down, we will discuss it in details.”

The deputy captain knitted his brows; pointing to Wei Xiaobao and Shuang'er, he said, ”These two foreign children used magic; the lower part of my body cannot move.”

Sophia turned to Wei Xiaobao and said, ”Please, magic, gone!” Shuang'er smiled and unsealed the acupoints on the deputy captain's lower body.

Sophia ordered the deputy captain, ”Go, call three platoon leaders and their deputies, I want the Chinese children to use their magic so that their hands can move, but their legs cannot.” And she repeated her words in Chinese to Wei Xiaobao and Shuang'er.

The deputy captain complied and left. Not too long afterwards, six platoon leaders and their deputies were lining up outside the door. The deputy captain called them to come in one by one. One by one Shuang'er sealed the 'zhi she' [abandon hope] acupoint on their waist and the 'huan tiao' [jumping the hoop] acupoint on their thigh.

Sophia said, ”The deputy captain is determined to support me to be the female Tsar; we are going to dispatch the troops to kill Tsaritsa. Will you obey or not?”

The six platoon leaders and their deputies saw the captain's body lying on the floor, they knew that the situation was far from good; listening to Sophia, they were even more fearful and apprehensive, and could only looked at each other in dismay, nobody dared to say anything.

Wei Xiaobao thought, ”When the Manchurian Qing entered China and robbed our rivers and mountains, in the 'Ten Days of Yangzhou', Tatar troops killed and burned, raped and pillaged, and thereupon the old emperor became the Emperor. Damn it, I'll have them do 'Ten Days of Moscow', stir the whole country in rebellion, the more chaotic the better. Monk holding an umbrella, no hair no sky! [i.e. no protection from the law, 'fa' (hair) sounds like 'fa' (law, Buddhist teaching)] If we did not do this, how can we become the Emperor?” He said to Sophia, ”Tell them to enter Moscow and fight, kill people, set fire, promise them that they will become generals and high-ranking officials, plus lots and lots of gold and silver, everybody can seize beautiful women as their wives!”

Sophia thought it was not a bad idea; she said to the deputy captain, ”Go gather all the gunmen, I want to speak to them.”

More than 600 gunmen assembled on the Hunting Palace square. The deputy captain sent for twelve gunmen and had them carried the six platoon leaders and their deputies, whose acupoints were still sealed, to the square.

Sophia stood on the stone steps and spoke loudly, ”Gunmen, you are Luocha Country's brave warriors, you have rendered great merits for the country, but your pay is too low; you have no beautiful women, no money to spend, not enough wine to drink, the house you live in is too small, too uncomfortable. Inside Moscow there are many rich people, they have big houses, with lots of servants, and lots of beautiful women, which you do not have. Is this fair?”

When the numerous gunmen heard this, they all shouted together, ”It's not fair! It's not fair!”

”Those rich people are fat and stupid,” Sophia continued, ”Probably they eat fat pigs every day. If they have a duel with you, can they beat you? Can those wealthy people's marksmanship surpass yours? Can their swordsmanship surpass yours? Have they rendered any merit to the country? To the Tsar?”

For each question she asked, the crowd of gunmen replied in loud voice, ”Niante!” [I think this is supposed to be 'nyet', Russian word for 'no'] Wei Xiaobao heard the crowd responding with 'Niante' after 'Niante'; he knew that in Luocha language, this word means 'no'. He did not understand what Sophia was saying, he thought the Princess was still trying to persuade the gunmen to rebel, but the crowd was unwilling to listen and obey; he could not help but was worried.

Sophia continued, ”You deserve to be generals, to be rich! Each and every one of you deserves to be promoted and gain wealth.”

The crowd of gunmen cheered loudly. Someone asked, ”Princess Sophia, what can you do to make us get promoted and gain wealth?”

”Do you want to be generals?” Sophia asked.

”We do!” the crowd of gunmen shouted.

”Do you want to have lots and lots of money?” Sophia asked.

”Of course we do!” the crowd of gunmen shouted.

”Do you want to have beautiful women?” Sophia asked.

The crowd of gunmen roared in laughter; ”We do! We do!” they shouted even louder.

”Alright!” Sophia said, ”All of you, go to Moscow, enter the city and tell the other nineteen firearm brigade that you are under Princess Sophia's order, I am the female Tsar, the entire Luocha Country must obey my command. I am allowing you, every gunman, to pick a wealthy man's house, challenge that big fat pig rich man for a duel; whoever can kill him, that rich man's big house, his gold and silver, his beautiful women, carriage, steed, clothes, servants, maids, fine wine, everything will belong to that brave gunman. Do you have the guts? Are you a man, a real man? Do you dare to kill people, to seize their money, their women?”

The crowd of gunmen yelled with one voice, ”We dare, we dare, we dare! Killing people, seizing their money, seizing their women, why should we be afraid?”

Sophia was greatly delighted. ”That's very good,” she shouted, ”I was afraid you are all cowards, you don't dare to do great things! Quickly get the vodka! Hey, go to the cellar, bring the best vodka out.”

There were several bottles of decades-old vodka stored in the cellar of the Tsar's Hunting Palace, very famous and valuable; originally it was intended for the enjoyment of the Tsar, the Empress, the Princess, the Prince, as well as the aristocrats and high-ranking ministers, how could these gunmen ever have a taste? Upon hearing Sophia's order, the crowd of soldiers exploded in cheers; immediately several dozen of them rushed to get the wine.

Shortly afterwards, the soldiers in the square drank bottle after bottle of vodka to their hearts' content; they yelled in delight, ”Sophia, female Tsar, Wula, wula, wula! Sophia, female Tsar, Wula, wula, wula!”

In Luocha tongue, 'Wula' means 'long live' [orig. ten thousand years]. Although Wei Xiaobao did not understand, seeing the crowd of soldiers yelling 'Sophia, female Tsar, Wula, wula, wula!' incessantly, he guessed they were giving their allegiance to her. Tugging Sophia's sleeve, he said, ”Tell them to kill the twelve platoon leaders and their deputies, there will be no turning back.” [I checked both the online text and the book, and both have 'twelve'; I think Jin Yong made a mistake here.]Sophia nodded again and again; she called out in a loud and clear voice, ”Luocha Country's handsome and strong warriors! Everybody listen to me: I order you to kill wealthy men, seize their money, seize their women, but the Tsaritsa won't allow you, she sent these scoundrels to control you so you won't commit any crime!” While saying that, she pointed to the twelve platoon leaders and their deputies.

Immediately a dozen or so gunmen drew their sabers and shouted, ”Kill the scoundrels!” More than a dozen sabers chopped down, hacking the six platoon leaders and their deputies to their death.

Luocha people were originally violent and insolent; now that they drank some vodka, their body temperature rose. Immediately the flesh and blood of the twelve platoon leaders and their deputies flew everywhere; these people were even more uncontrollable. They yelled, ”Kill the scoundrels, seize their money, seize their women!”

Sophia said, ”Go to Moscow, tell the other nineteen firearm brigades to do this together. Whichever captain is not willing, kill him immediately. Whichever aristocrat, general, or high-ranking minister does not allow you, kill him immediately, seize the gold, silver, beautiful wives and daughters in their homes and divide it among yourselves. Set those scoundrels' homes in fire.”

The crowd of soldiers cheered loudly; one after another they drew their long sabers, slung their firearms, pulled their rides, and turned around and mounted their horses. A moment later, they heard the hoof beats as the soldiers galloped toward Moscow.

Sophia said to the deputy captain, ”Why don't you go too? Why be polite? The most important thing is: don't have any conflict with the other firearm brigades, everybody must fight together. You led your people into Kremlin, arrest the Tsaritsa and Pyotr. Have everybody seize all the gold, silver and jewels, and beautiful maids in the Palace, as much as possible; I am bestowing everything to you all.” The deputy captain was greatly delighted; he complied and mounted his horse and left.

Sophia sighed, she felt her entire body was devoid of any strength, she sat down on the stone steps and said, ”I am so tired!”

Wei Xiaobao said, ”Let me help you to rest inside.”

Sophia shook her head. After a while, she said, ”Let us go to the watchtower to look.”

The entire Hunting Palace was constructed of thick granite, the watch tower was about eight or nine zhang high [about 80, 90 feet], it was intended to be used to observe the enemy situation. Before Luocha Country was established, it was originally called the Grand Duchy of Moscow, where Moscovian dukes and independent warlords established themselves as Tsars. The previous dynasty's tsars was afraid that when they went hunting, the enemy would seize the opportunity to attack, therefore, they built the Hunting Palace outside the city of Moscow, so that when the enemy arrived, they would be prepared to help in defending the city.

Sophia took Wei Xiaobao and Shuang'er to climb the watchtower. Looking to the west, they faintly saw dots of light inside Moscow's city wall. In the dark of the night, the city looked very tranquil. Sophia started to worry. ”Why haven't they fought? They, afraid?”

Wei Xiaobao did not know Luocha soldiers' character, he was not sure if they would cower in battle or not; he had no choice but to console her, ”Don't worry, don't worry.”

Sophia asked, ”How did you know that by telling the soldiers to kill people, to seize their money and seize their women, they will kill Tsaritsa and Pyotr?”

Wei Xiaobao smiled and said, ”Chinese are always like that.”

He recalled what happened in Yangzhou city in the past; he had listened when older people telling about how the Manchurian Qing soldiers besieged the city. After the Manchurian Qing entered the Pass, they met fierce resistance by the Han people in places such as Jiangsu and the others, especially Yangzhou, which held fast to their defense. The Qing army commander-in-chief hence permitted the soldiers, after they broke the city defense, to rape and pillage for a total of ten days. This 'Ten Days of Yangzhou' was incomparably tragic and atrocious. Wei Xiaobao grew up in Yangzhou; how the Manchurian Qing troops besieged the city without being able to break it, how the commander-in-chief gave permission to the common soldiers to seize money and women, how the Qing troops assaulted relentlessly, he had heard all these stories since his childhood, a lot.

Afterward, when he was in Beijing, he also listened to people telling the story of how Li Zicheng's soldiers also robbing money and seizing women; how Zhang Xianzhong

[55] always promised his troops that when they broke the city's defense, they would be allowed to plunder for three days. Apparently, if they wanted the rebellion to succeed, they must incite the whole country into rebellion. To incite the whole country into rebellion, they must allow the common soldiers to rob money and seize women. Therefore, when he saw that the firearm brigade troops did not dare to revolt, he automatically mentioned the five magic words 'seize money seize women' [qiang qian qiang nu ren]. Sure enough, Luocha troops and Chinese troops were just the same; as soon as the five magic words were uttered, it did work like magic.

After waiting for a long time, in the darkness they suddenly saw fire in the city of Moscow. Sophia was greatly delighted. ”They have made their move!” she shouted. Hugging Wei Xiaobao, she kissed him while jumping up and down.

Wei Xiaobao happily said, ”They have started the fire. This will work. Killing and burning will definitely work in tandem.”

Shortly afterwards, they saw fire sprang up everywhere in the city, black smoke arose on the east side, flame blazed on the west side. Sophia clapped her hands and cheered, ”Everybody is killing and burning. Xiaobao, you are really smart, the stratagem you thought is very clever.”

Wei Xiaobao smiled; he thought, ”Speaking about killing and burning, rising in rebellion, our Chinese people's skill is a hundred times better than your Luocha demons'. What's so strange about this stratagem? We have always done it this way.”

Sophia said, ”You told everybody to kill the captain, kill the platoon leaders, everybody did not have any choice but to continue; even if they wanted to turn back, they cannot. Little child, very smart, Chinese high-ranking official, amazing.”

Wei Xiaobao said, ”It is called 'throwing away one's good name/reputation' [tou ming zhuang].”

”What 'throwing/losing one's life' [diu ming shang]?” Sophia asked.

Wei Xiaobao roared in laughter, ”Yes, they are throwing away their lives, they have to fight desperately.” In his heart he scolded Luocha people as being unlearned.

In the Chinese lulin [green wood, crime world], when someone was about to join the band of bandits, the bandit chief would definitely send the new brother to make a legal case, oftentimes by killing someone. After this person committed major crime of homicide, henceforth he would not inform the authority against the band of bandits. In the 'Shui Hu Zhuan' [Water Margin/Outlaws of the Marsh], when Lin Chong went up Liangshan Marsh to join the group, Wang Lun ordered him to kill someone and hence made a legal case; it was called 'throwing away his good name'. Wei Xiaobao had heard many stories from the storytellers, he was well-accustomed to this practice; he thought, ”Our Chinese people's way of doing things, Luocha demons did not understand even one. It seems that although these Luocha people are vicious, harsh and rough, in the end it's not that hard to deal with them.”

Seeing the fire in Moscow was getting bigger and bigger, and it spread all over the place, Sophia started to worry again; she was not sure what the situation would be after the firearm brigades officers and soldiers finished their random killing and pillaging. She asked Wei Xiaobao, ”After killing and burning, seizing money and women, and then what?”

Wei Xiaobao was taken aback; he only knew that to rebel one must incite the soldiers to kill and burn, rob money and seize women; but what happen after that, he had no idea. Without anything better to say, he said, ”That? When they rob enough money, they will stop robbing. When they kill enough people, they will stop killing.”

Sophia knitted her brows; she thought that it was not what she meant, but momentarily she was also left with nothing else to do. The three of them watched for a while, and then they returned to the Palace to quietly wait for the news.

Early in the morning the next day, the deputy captain of the firearm brigade returned to the Hunting Palace, accompanied by a small group of riders, to report to Sophia: the previous night all twenty firearm brigades obeyed the female Tsar's order; they rampaged for the entire night, and gained gold, silver and beautiful women that their number cannot be counted; they had also killed the Tsaritsa Natalya.

Sophia was greatly delighted; she sprang up and called out, ”Natalya is killed? How about Pyotr?”

The deputy captain said, ”Little Pyotr is arrested and is being locked up in Kremlin's wine cellar.”

”Helaxiao! Helaxiao!” Sophia yelled.

They heard sound of hoof beats, a large number of riders was rushing over. Sophia's countenance changed. ”Who are they?” she asked in alarm.

The deputy captain replied, ”Moscow's princes and dukes, cabinet ministers and generals are coming to ask Your Majesty to ascend the throne, to be Luocha Country's female Tsar.”

Sophia was ecstatic; she hugged Wei Xiaobao and repeatedly kissed his cheeks left and right. ”Chinese little child,” she called out, ”Good strategy!”

They heard the sound of hoof beats stopped outside the Hunting Palace, followed by the sound of leather boots striking the ground; a group of people entered the Palace. The leader was the chancellor, Prince Bodonich. He walked to Sophia, bowed and said, ”The nobility, ministers and generals have reached unanimous agreement to ask Princess Sophia to return to the Palace to preside over the present situation, to pacify the upheaval and restore peace and order.”

With smile all across her face, Sophia nodded her agreement. She asked, ”The renegade faction chief Natalya, has she been killed already?”

Prince Bodonich reported, ”Natalya disturbed the country, she murdered loyal subjects, she arrogated power out of selfish ambition, she harbored evil intentions. She had already obeyed the Heaven's decree and was executed to the satisfaction of everyone.”

”Very good,” Sophia said, ”We go to Kremlin.” The numerous ministers and the firearm brigade soldiers flocked behind Sophia to go to Moscow.

In short moment, the Hunting Palace was deserted with only Wei Xiaobao and Shuang'er remained. In his heart Wei Xiaobao was furious. ”Damn it,” he cursed, ”This Luocha Princess crossed the bridge and pulled the plank; the bride and groom entered the chamber, the matchmaker is pushed aside to the wall. She has become the female Tsar, now she does not want us.”

Shuang'er smiled and said, ”You want the female Tsar to make you a male empress, don't you?”

”Ah, you are making fun of me?” Wei Xiaobao said, ”You think I cannot catch you?” Finished speaking, he pounced on Shuang'er. ”Pfft!” Shuang'er laughed and leaped sideways to evade.

By this time it was already summer, the weather was sunny and warm, mass of flowers covered the Hunting Palace ground like brocade, hundreds of birds were singing. Only Luocha Country's flowers and plants, birds and bugs are greatly different from the ones in China, the flowers' beauty and fragrance, as well as the chirping of the birds, was considerably different. Wei Xiaobao grew up as uncouth marketplace boy, he did not pay any attention to such distinctions. Together with Shuang'er he roamed around the Hunting Palace ground, nobody came to disturb him; contrary to his expectation, he was quite enjoying himself.

After spending seven or eight days in peace and quiet, Sophia suddenly sent a squad of soldiers to take the two of them to the Palace. As Wei Xiaobao entered Sophia's bed chamber, he saw her hair was in a mess, she was walking around kicking the furniture that everything was crashing down in loud noise; she was throwing a fit. When she saw that Wei Xiaobao had arrived, immediately her face looked happy. ”Chinese little child, quickly come,” she called out, ”Make a plan, think of a way.”

Sophia continuously shook her head. ”I, female Tsar, no. They, don't agree, I, female Tsar, cannot do.”

After talking for half a day Wei Xiaobao finally understood. Turned out Luocha Country had always followed the rule that women cannot be the Tsar. Although the Empress Dowager Natalya had died, a large number of generals were still throwing their support to the young Tsar Pyotr, they resolutely refused to depose him as the Tsar. By this time the riots in the city had already been stilled. Although Sophia still had the firearm brigades supporting her, the numerous ministers were well-prepared, they stationed a large number of Cossack cavalry outside the city, ready to respond by entering the city at any time. It would not be easy for Sophia to summon the firearm brigade to rise in revolution again.

For the last few days the princes and dukes, cabinet ministers and generals were having a general assembly in Kremlin, they were divided into two factions; one faction supported Sophia, the other faction supported Pyotr. Each side refused to concede to the other. The people who supported Tsar Pyotr were mostly cabinet ministers and generals who were already in power; they were afraid that when the female Tsar ascended the throne, she would stripped away their power and gave it to new people. The ones who supported Sophia were dissatisfied aristocrats and businesspeople who were hoping that with the new ruler rising to power, they would be able to fish up some oil from the water. Sophia was fortunate enough to have the firearm brigades' support, to have the military power in her hands, so that the monarchists ['emperor defenders'] did not dare to be reckless. But the monarchists had control over the Cossack cavalry, whose strength must not be ridiculed. If the two factions clashed, victory or defeat would be hard to tell.

Wei Xiaobao thought, ”This kind of national affairs, I don't have a clue; what kind of fart stratagem can I think of? I'd better slip away, roll the damn salted duck egg, so that when those two factions engage in free fight, Wei Xiaobao will not be blasted away and turn into Luocha caviar.”

Rolling his eyes, he said, ”That's very easy; naturally I have an idea. But I have … I want to knock on bamboo pole.” He wanted to say, 'I have a condition', but he did not know how to say that in Luocha language, hence he just said it in Yangzhou dialect, 'knocking on bamboo pole' [qiao zhu gang].

”What is 'knocking on pig's jar' [also 'qiao zhu gang'; different characters, different intonation]?” Sophia asked.

Wei Xiaobao said, ”Knocking on bamboo pole is … this … the idea that I have, it's not enough to simply give it to you. You give me something, lots and lots of things, then I will give you my idea.”

Sophia was greatly delighted. ”Very good, very good,” she busily said, ”Knocking on pig's jar; we will knock on pig's jar together! Whatever you want, I give you. You want to be my male empress?”

Wei Xiaobao was startled. ”This, I do not dare to oblige, thank you,” he mused, ”If I want to take a wife, Ah Ke is much better than you. Even Shuang'er that little servant girl is a lot better than you, Luocha woman whose whole body is hairy.” He laughed and said, ”To be your male empress is naturally very good, but if this happens, you cannot be female Tsar.”

Sophia asked, ”Are you saying if Chinese man becomes male empress, Luocha people won't be happy?”

”That's right!” Wei Xiaobao hastily replied, ”Luocha men, they say they, themselves, are good-looking, cannot be male empress. They will hate you, beat you.”

Sophia thought he was right, Luocha men would be jealous. She said, ”You won't be my male empress. Whatever else you want, I'll give you.”

Wei Xiaobao said, ”First, I want to be Luocha high-ranking official.”

”That's easy,” Sophia replied, ”After I become the female Tsar, I will bestow you the title of Earl, ruling over the eastern Tatars. You have yellow face, low nose; Tatars also have yellow face, low nose. They will submit to you.”

”Second,” Wei Xiaobao continued, ”You and Chinese Emperor must not go to war. You write a letter, I will deliver it to Beijing. The female Tsar of Luocha and Chinese Emperor, be good friends, kissing each other, hugging each other. Chinese soldiers are very formidable, everybody knows magic, once they point their fingers, Luocha soldiers cannot move. If you go to war, Luocha people will die. I love you, you die, I cry!”

When Sophia heard this, she was deeply touched. Shuang'er made her move by sealing acupoints, the firearm brigade's deputy captain and the six platoon leaders and their deputies immediately could not move; Sophia had seen it with her own eyes. She did not know that it was Chinese's upper-class martial art skill, it was extremely difficult to learn that even Wei Xiaobao could not do it. She thought that everybody in China knew this enchantment; she thought that if she went to war against the Chinese Emperor, she would only lose without any chance of victory. She was even more touched that this Chinese little child expressed his true feeling to her; immediately she reached out to hug him and planted a deep kiss on his lips. ”Chinese little child,” she said, ”I love you too. Very well, Luocha troops cannot defeat Chinese troops, everybody won't fight, we'll be good friends.” Clicking her tongue, she kissed him again, and then asked, ”What else you want to knock on the pig's jar? Knock again, knock again!”

Wei Xiaobao thought for a while, and then said, ”Nothing else.”

”Very well,” Sophia said, ”Quickly teach me, how to become female Tsar.”

Wei Xiaobao thought that it was not an easy task; he had no choice but talking about this and that, inquiring the affair of the imperial court, but still could not come up with an idea, hence he pretended not to understand her.

Sophia gradually sensed that he was using deceit; her countenance turned ugly as she said, ”If you lie to me, I'll kill you.”

Wei Xiaobao was greatly anxious. ”No lies, no lies!” he busily said.

Sophia said, ”In that case, I want to be the female Tsar; how?”

”This … this …” Wei Xiaobao stammered.

Sophia was furious. ”What 'this' or 'that'?” she said, ”In the court, one faction supports me, the other faction opposes me. If these two factions fought each other and my faction lost, what do I do?”

[56]. (Book note: it was only natural that Wei Xiaobao was not able to remember the names of the four Beilei correctly.) At that time all four Beilei had his own power; hence there was power-struggle among them. Afterwards the fourth Beilei Huang Taiji won the support of the first Beilei Daishan, and then he was able to overpower the opposition, and was able to seize the great position. For this reason Daishan still had a tie with the throne, and was able to maintain his power somewhat. The prominent Prince Kang was precisely Daishan's descendant.

Thinking about this matter, he said, ”Don't fight, take your time. You and Pyotr can be the Tsars. In the future, the cabinet ministers and generals who oppose you, one by one, you can kill slowly. And then you can kill Pyotr, and be the female Tsar.”

Sophia thought that this idea was actually very brilliant, but the ministers repeatedly said that women could not be Tsar; she was exasperated, hence she told Wei Xiaobao the situation.

Wei Xiaobao thought that when the Qing Dynasty was first founded, Emperor Shunzhi was still a young emperor; the real power lay on the Regent Dorgon's hands. Thereupon he said, ”You cannot be the female Tsar, you can become the Prince Regent first.”

”What is Prince Regent?” Sophia asked.

”Prince Regent is not the Tsar,” Wei Xiaobao explain, ”But he can issue a decree to kill people, beat people's buttocks, can give reward, promote their official position. Tsar, fake, no power. Prince Regent, real, has power; can kill people, beat people's buttocks, can promote their official position, can give rewards, everybody is afraid, everybody listen to Prince Regent, does not listen to the Tsar.”

Sophia was greatly delighted. ”Helaxiao! Helaxiao!” she shouted.

The number of princes, dukes and generals who supported Sophia was actually in the minority. Sophia summoned the leaders into the Palace to discuss the strategy presented by Wei Xiaobao. Sophia had the military leadership of Moscow in her side, but she could not ascend the throne to become female Tsar, the main reason being because there was no precedent. When the numerous ministers heard the idea of 'regency', they thought that it was a brilliant strategy. As long as they had the power in their hands, becoming the Tsar or not would not make any difference.

After deliberating for quite a while, they came up with another idea: set up Sophia's sibling, younger brother Ivan as the senior Tsar, let Pyotr still be the Tsar, but he was the junior Tsar. Senior and junior Tsars ruled side-by-side, to avoid opposition from the faction of supporters of Pyotr. Princess Sophia became the 'Queen Regent', she would handle all imperial court politics.

As soon as the decision was made, Sophia immediately gathered the firearm brigades, and summoned all princes, dukes and ministers, and declared the new system. She also made a guarantee to all ministers that no one would be recalled or removed from his post, and that everybody who supported the new system would be promoted and rewarded. Seeing that their authority and interest would not be harmed, plus the previous dynasty's custom would not be broken, none of the numerous princes, dukes and ministers raised any objection.

Someone from the 'Sophia supporter faction' took the initiative to step forward and bow to Queen Regent Sophia; the rest of the people followed. Sophia was greatly delighted, she sent someone to invite her younger brother Ivan, and release the Junior Tsar Pyotr from the wine cellar, and have the two of them sat side-by-side as the Tsars; while she herself sat on the right hand seat of her two younger brothers. The hundreds of ministers' affairs: memorial to the throne, promotion and reward, dismissal and appointment, everything was adjudicated by the Queen Regent. That time Ivan was sixteen, Pyotr was ten; they were young and their knowledge shallow, in everything they listened to their elder sister's advice.

Sophia was in a position of power; she thought that in this matter, that Chinese little child high-ranking official had rendered a great service. If he did not repeatedly come up with these several ingenious ideas, at this time she would have been still locked up in the Hunting Palace, and then several months later, most probably the Empress Dowager Natalya would force her to leave the secular world to become a nun and would be hidden and locked up in some convent for the rest of her life. Thinking about this tragic fate, the warm sunny days would immediately turn into severe winter. Immediately she sent for Wei Xiaobao and praised him greatly.

Wei Xiaobao thought, those methods of mine are not the least bit special to Chinese people; in China, I was a stinky cobbler, but in Luocha Country, I turned into Zhuge Liang, this is really funny. He was thinking of tooting his horn a bit, but then he suddenly realized that it was not a good idea; if from now on this Luocha Princess wants me to be the 'Luocha Zhuge Liang', and wants me to remain by her side and will never allow me to return home, won't it be desperately serious? Therefore, he said, ”Lady Queen Regent, you have become the Regent, to become female Tsar in the future is very easy. Only you must observe one thing, and everybody will submit to you.”

”What is it?” Sophia asked, ”Tell me quickly.”

Wei Xiaobao said, ”Once you give your word, three-horse chariot cannot pursue it.” Actually, Luocha people's horse-drawn carriage only used three horses to pull, unlike Chinese carriages, which used four horses. For this reason, Chinese saying 'a team of four horses cannot pursue', in Luocha Country it became 'three-horse chariot cannot pursue'.

Sophia did not understand. ”What is 'three-horse chariot cannot pursue'?” she asked.

Wei Xiaobao said, ”Once you gave your word, you must keep your promise. In China, our Emperor's words are called the Emperor's golden mouth, he must never go back on it.”

Sophia was suddenly enlightened; she laughed and said, ”My promise to you, you are afraid I might renege, aren't you? My darling Chinese little child, Luocha Queen Regent's word is precious stone mouth; it is more precious than your Chinese Emperor's golden mouth.”

Immediately she proclaimed an edict in the name of the senior and junior Tsars, conferring Wei Xiaobao the title of Earl, governing the Eastern Tatar. She also ordered a minister to write an imperial document to be delivered to the Chinese Emperor. She sent Wei Xiaobao off, accompanied by a Russian ambassador, escorted by two squads of Cossack cavalry, bringing gold, silver and precious objects, and not a few of rewards. The several tens of thousands taels banknotes that Wei Xiaobao bribed her was returned to him. In addition, she also sent a lot of presents to the Chinese Emperor, such as mink fur, precious stones and other Luocha Country special products.

By this time Sophia had already picked several good-looking Luocha Country men to accompany her, so she was not intimate with Wei Xiaobao anymore. But when the day Wei Xiaobao was taking his leave arrived, Sophia remembered the affection of the past several months, she was also grateful for his great merit in establishing her as the ruler, hence she was really reluctant to part with him.

According to Russian true historical record, the firearm brigades' rebellion lasted for three days between the fifteenth and the seventeenth of the fifth month. By the twenty-ninth of the fifth month, the firearm brigades, under Sophia's prompting, presented a petition requesting Ivan and Pyotr to be joint Tsars, and asked Sophia to be the Princess Regent, adjudicating the military and national affairs. By the time the chaos was resolved, it was already the middle of the sixth month.

The weather was sunny and warm; Wei Xiaobao was striding over a fine horse, under the protection of two squads of Cossack cavalry, speeding eastwards along the great Siberian prairie. The gentle breeze stroked his face; the sound of hoof beats filled his ears. Glancing to his left he saw his smart servant girl Shuang'er, with skin as white as snow and lips like cherry. Looking to his right he saw the Luocha Country Ambassador with his bluish green eyes and yellow beard. Mink fur and gifts, in fully loaded carts, followed behind them. Wei Xiaobao was extremely high-spirited; he thought, ”This time I escape alive from mortal danger, not only my little life is protected, I also rendered great service to the Luocha Princess; and it was all because laozi had heard many stories and watched a lot of plays.”

China has been established for several thousand years, in terms of struggles to gain imperial power as the emperor, rebellion and massacre, it has abundant experience, unequalled throughout world. What Wei Xiaobao knew was superficial knowledge circulated among the common people, yet it was enough to strike awe in foreign land; unexpectedly he was able to help someone scheming against the imperial court and usurping the throne, bringing peace and order to the country.

Actually, this matter was not surprising at all; the founding commander-in-chief of the Manchurian Qing was an uncouth, unlearned man. The strategies he used in marching the troops into battle mainly came from the novel 'The Romance of The Three Kingdoms'. In those years Qing Taizong [founder of Qing Dynasty] employed the stratagem of sowing dissension, he swindled Emperor Chongzhen into destroying the Great Wall by killing his great general Yuan Chonghuan. The stratagem was copied from the story in 'The Romance of The Three Kingdoms', in which Zhou Yu ordered Cao Cao to behead his own navy's commanding officer.

In the real historical record, Zhou Yu swindling Cao Cao into killing his naval unit commander did not exist; it was fabricated by the novel writer. Unexpectedly, later on the novelist's words became a fact, shaping China's destiny for several hundreds of years. The things in life are strange, even stranger than the story in the novel. After the Manchus entered the Pass, they opened up new territory and expanded their lands, tripling the original China's territory during the Ming Dynasty, far surpassed the Tang Dynasty, where the history of Han people was at its peak. Until today, the merit of novel, play, storytelling, et cetera has not died.

(Book note: Russian gunmen rebellion, Ivan and Pyotr, Senior and Junior Tsars' co-existence, Sophia became Queen Regent, and so on, were historical facts. However, Wei Xiaobao's involvement in this matter was considered by Russian people to be morally offensive and brought disgrace to their national prestige; therefore, history books did not have any written account on this matter. In the meantime, since Chinese court recorders have not witnessed it, plus it was a strange occurrence in some barbarian foreign land, it was considered nothing more than hearsay, not suitable to be recorded in China's history, so much so that this matter had passed into oblivion.)