Part 16 (1/2)
'Where all is a.s.surance and peace, And sorrow and sin are no more.'”
”My soul is happy.--On leaving for home, I was inwardly moved to pray with the family with which we had lodged. The Spirit of the Lord a.s.sisted me.--During the week I have been led out in prayer for my son John, and for the Conference. If the enemy rages, the men of G.o.d have access by faith to omnipotent Power, and unerring Wisdom. May each be clothed with humility, and claim the grace they need, that they may be wisely directed.
”Sinnington. When we reached Pickering, we had a very awful storm, accompanied with thunder and lightning. My soul was kept in peace.
Some women, who were detained as well as ourselves, seemed much afraid. I was prompted to speak to them on the necessity of preparing to meet G.o.d.--Cousin Samuel took me to Whitby. We climbed one hundred and ninety steps to the church, and found many gravestones of little note; but one attracted my attention, as it bore my own and my husband's names. How soon it will be said over us, 'Dust to dust,' I know not; may we be found ready.--Called upon a sick neighbour, but as it was not convenient to see her, I retired into the drawing-room with a friend who was present, to pour out our souls on her behalf.--I have got a new servant, who makes no profession of religion, and feel desirous for her salvation. Yesterday morning on awaking, the words were impressed upon my mind, 'Let him know, that he which converteth a sinner from the error of his ways, shall save a soul from death, and hide a mult.i.tude of sins.' From this I derive encouragement.--Amid the conflicting elements afloat, our business is to make Christ our pattern and our guide. I am trying to take up my daily cross, and to watch the motions of my mind; but ah! how fitful. I am nothing;--helpless and undone without Christ, my only hope is in his atonement. Precious refuge! Come Lord, come now; I thirst, I long for Thy coming. Now baptize, and overpower me with Thy love. If there is lurking in my soul, any secret and undiscovered evil, tear it away.
'Show me Thy glory!'”
”185l.--My soul is drawn heavenward. The sewing meeting is much laid upon my mind, that it may improve in spirituality, and that I may fill the post a.s.signed me according to the will of G.o.d. I long to spread the savour of Christ among the dear people, and make religion appear more lovely.--Finished my visitation at the 'School of Industry;' the children repeated the 104th and 119th Psalms, also the 12th of Romans, and the 22nd of Revelation. I spoke a few words, and prayed with them; giving them a few small books, and one for the library.--A friend brought me her alb.u.m, requesting me to write in it. I thought prayerfully on the subject, and begged direction of the Lord, not knowing who might look upon it. During my sleeping hours and the following morning, the subject of the last Sabbath's Sermon (Psalm 1.) was impressed upon my mind with such force and sweetness, and I felt it to be so suitable to my friend, that I determined to insert it. My heart's desire is, that it may be blessed to all who read it.--As I pa.s.sed the Centenary Chapel this evening, a gentleman thus accosted me: 'You don't know me.' I answered, 'No sir.' He rejoined, 'I sat in your pew about nine years ago. Mr. Curnock preached about Noah's Ark; and a word you spoke to me afterward, forcibly impressed my mind. You said, 'Get into the Ark,' and now I have got into the Ark.' I had no remembrance of the circ.u.mstance, but am thankful he has got in. To G.o.d be all the glory!--Sitting by the fire this evening, I fainted. So graciously does my heavenly Father deal with me, that he blesses and chastens me in _love_; for this, my heart's desire is to praise Him: I thirst for a deeper baptism, and more intimate communion with Him.”
MY SIXTY-NINTH BIRTHDAY.
Now the evening shadows lengthen, Nature's feebleness appears; Every grace within me strengthen, To sustain increasing years.
Perfect in me all Thy pleasure, While I sojourn here below; Every fruit, in richer measure, Through my dying Lord bestow.
”By the evening train a family party, consisting of thirteen of us, safely arrived in Searbro'. Five went to the band-meeting, which was very thinly attended. One of the five spoke, having been upwards of fifty years a member. I went to Mr. F.'s cla.s.s, and though I could not hear what the members said, I heard the leader, who made some very appropriate remarks. When addressing me, he related an anecdote of Rowland Hill, who, going to preach at a village, was requested to visit a good, but poor half-witted man. He went accordingly, and accosted poor Richard with the question, 'Do you intend to go to heaven?' 'Yes,' he replied, 'don't you?' 'But heaven is a long way off,' said Mr. Hill. 'I don't think so,' was the reply. 'Then what do you think?' 'I think,' said the man, 'it is only three steps.' 'Well, Richard, what are they?' 'The first step is out of self; the second into Christ; and the third into Glory.' So Mr. Hill went back, and told his friends that he had been to preach to Richard, but Richard had preached to him.--I ventured to speak to a friend, who sat beside me in the Chapel, about coming to cla.s.s. To my surprise, she said she had for some time thought of speaking to me on the subject. Surely this was the suggestion of the Spirit. The Crystal Palace has great attractions just now! I hope to see the palace of angels and of G.o.d.--Quarterly fast. It was good to be at the prayer-meeting in the morning; better at noon; best of all at night.--After a very restless night, my husband rose very poorly and feeble. I prayed with him before he got up, and now I feel it good to pray _for_ him. About noon he had another attack of paralysis, which lasted about two hours, and at tea time he was seized again. Through mercy, he is better. By looking to the Rock that is higher than I, my mind has been sustained.
While kneeling by the bedside of my afflicted husband, I have been blessed, and found that as my day so has been my strength.--My husband and daughter are both better; thanks be to G.o.d! I cannot but acknowledge that He afflicts in love.--'Because I live ye shall live also,' was a portion in one of my dreams this week. I think of it with pleasure, and believe it will be so; my heart aspires after this inheritance, but not with so much fervour as it ought.--I purpose, G.o.d willing, to commence another afternoon cla.s.s next Tuesday, at three o'clock, for the benefit of some who may find it more convenient: I trust it is with the approval of G.o.d, whose blessing I implore.--The dying year has been marked by many blessings to me and mine;--much nearness to my heavenly Father; but it has also seen many wanderings.
I have just now been endeavouring to surrender myself freely and fully unto the Lord, whose I am, and whom I desire faithfully to serve. I seem surrounded by His presence. It is now eleven o'clock; but how many will depart before twelve! Happy event to those who are prepared, having built upon Christ! Here rests my hope: 'Other refuge have I none.' Glory be to G.o.d on high!”
”1852.--Although I have been suffering from cold, the Lord deals very gently with me. Others of my dear family are now under the rod. These things are painful; but looking at them in the light of eternity, I find love is mingled with them all. Oh! that from these dispensations we may derive all the good our heavenly Father designs. We cannot believe He willingly afflicts the children of men, especially His own children, but for our own profit, that we may be made 'partakers of His holiness.' I am reading 'Angel James on Christian Charity.' with profit.--I am again disappointed of meeting the Lord's people. Though I am better than I have been, it is not deemed prudent for me to go out. This is taking up my cross, but whether in the right way, Thou knowest. I want in every thing to do right.--When I rose I found it was only five o'clock, but resolved to give myself to prayer. After breakfast I went to see my daughter Mary, whose husband is very ill. My soul was blessed in prayer with him. He requested me to pray earnestly. Lord, help me to pray in faith. While endeavouring to do so I am blest in my own soul.--This is a day of trouble and rebuke.
My daughter Eliza is very ill; Mr. Jackson is also worse;--the medical man giving little or no hope respecting him. In such cases, how vain is the help of man! The feelings of my mind are indescribable. O Lord, undertake Thou for us. I feel Thee near to me, be near to my dear family; and, while thus Thou art chastening us, O sanctify the rod.--Mr. Jackson has had a very restless night, and is much weaker, but quite recollected. While I prayed, he responded. I left him a little after eleven; and after calling upon Eliza, went to the School of Industry. Between one and two a messenger came for me to go to Mr.
Jackson's immediately; but before I could arrive, the lamp of life was extinguished. He had 'found the rest we toil to find.'--A week of painful exercise is past away; but I see not the end. Through mercy I can look to G.o.d, and find refuge there. Yesterday when I awoke, it was sweetly suggested, 'Because I live ye shall live also.' This raised my drooping spirit; and now I take my pen to acknowledge the loving-kindness of G.o.d, manifested to us as a family; even under the most painful events, mercy is mixed in the cup.--The last week--before I reach my seventieth year. Life has pa.s.sed away as a dream! The pleasing and the painful are both gone! But from the earliest dawn of recollection, the Spirit of G.o.d has moved upon my mind. Much love, and much patience, have been shown to me by my heavenly Father; and now, while the sun s.h.i.+nes without, I feel the cheering beams of the Sun of righteousness upon my soul.”
Time hastens me on; It soon will be gone, And the term of my stay Grows shorter and shorter, as life wears away.
One thing I desire, To this I aspire, To live in His will, Whose mercy has spared me, and blesses me still.
No merit I boast; In Him is my trust.
Who gives me a place, And a lot, with His own, through His infinite grace.
”To-day I attained the term of life allotted to man. Rose a little before six, and resolved to dedicate myself afresh to G.o.d. Wrote a few lines, read a little, and performed my customary duties. Worked till dinner, after which I visited three poor widows,--relieved, and prayed with them; then collected subscriptions to a.s.sist G.B. Called on Mrs.
W., who kindly welcomed me; also Mrs. Isaac, with whom I found it good to engage in prayer. Went to the prayer-meeting, where I endeavoured to give myself unreservedly to G.o.d. Remained to the band-meeting, in which the power of G.o.d was manifestly revealed. Throughout the day I have enjoyed a calm repose, and a fixed resolve to consecrate my services, so long as I am spared, to the Lord.
”Harrogate.--Returning from Chapel, I observed a number of gentlemen sitting under a tree reading newspapers. On the spur of the moment, I stepped up to them, and said, 'Gentlemen, perhaps you had better lay aside the papers, and read your bibles to-day.' One answered very roughly, 'You go home and say your prayers.' I turned away, and he continued talking as long as I was within hearing. When I got home my soul was drawn out in prayer that G.o.d would have mercy upon them.--Through a continued rain I went to meet the Lord's people; but singular to relate, though I waited ten minutes, no one came. Just as I was about to return, a stranger came in--desirous of fleeing from the wrath to come. We spent the hour in prayer. My friend found encouragement, but not the power of faith. It was a time to be remembered. My heart yearned over her while, in a low tone--mingled with tears--she poured out her soul before the Lord.”
OLD AGE.
Does no bright star arise to cheer The Pilgrim's downward way?
When age and feebleness appear, And wrapt in cloud, the night draws near, Can nought enfeebled nature cheer, And save it from dismay?
Jesus, Thy promis'd aid is sure To all who trust in Thee; Thy strength in weakness shall a.s.sure Frail trembling nature, and secure The grace in patience to endure, Till death shall set me free.
”During the last fortnight, two persons--whom I have often visited in former afflictions--have pa.s.sed away. Now--their knowledge far surpa.s.ses mine. I am not at the Lord's house, as my husband desired me to remain at home with him. Yet 'I have loved the habitation of Thy house.' Age brings infirmity; but I see a danger of yielding too much to increasing weakness. Lord, save me from spiritual sloth. While I write, let inward religion be communicated.”
XXI.
THE WIDOW.