Part 6 (1/2)
W. McKitrick, who came to visit him shortly before his departure, he said, in almost the same words the amiable Addison used to Lord Warwick, ”You are come to see a Christian, die;” and then added, ”Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost. I used to sing that in the Church, when I knew not what it meant; but now I do.” Not a shadow of a cloud rested upon the valley; it was full of light: and on the 24th of the month he died, in the full triumph of faith, esteemed and lamented by persons of every shade of opinion.
”This day in former years, I have hailed my dear father's stay among us; but now, he has left our dark abode to join his friends above; and this day, his death is to be improved by Mr. Hopkins New Street, and Mr. McKitrick, in Albion Street Chapel. For some weeks I have been under the chastening hand of G.o.d. My patience has been severely tested; but I am thankful, in the moments of severest trial, I have felt confident that not a stroke would be laid upon me more than would conduce to my real good. Though the waves roll around me, I can venture myself on Jesus. Here I find firm footing; here is my resting-place; and in the precious atonement of the Redeemer, my soul enjoys sweet repose.--I have been suffering from sickness, but have had many precious moments while musing upon my bed. Through mercy, I am again able to sit up, but am very deaf. This has occasioned a train of reasoning. I have been led to inquire, whether the Lord in His providence intends to depose me from meeting His people. But in this, and in every thing else, I would resignedly say, 'Thy will be done.'--The mercy of the Lord is again repeated. The deafness, from which I have suffered, is greatly removed. Bless the Lord, who can not only make the deaf to hear, but the heart to praise.--My little Anna, after being lent to me for seventeen days, and finding nothing on earth to court her stay, has closed her eyes on time, and opened them upon heaven. So uncertain is earthly happiness. Perhaps my heavenly Father, more securely to engage my heart, has kindly resumed the gift; and transplanted to a better soil the flower, whose charms were insensibly stealing my affections. I antic.i.p.ated the delightful task of rearing this tender plant to be a future comfort; but Thou, O Lord, art righteous in all Thy ways. My feelings have been peculiarly acute, but to Thee, O Lord, my heart is known. Teach me due submission to Thy will; and as, by this bereavement, I shall, if restored to health, have more leisure, may I dedicate it to Thee.--While Miss O. was praying with me, I had such a blessed view of the inhabitants of the world above, that for a moment I seemed to be there. At the Cla.s.s I was led to see the privilege of living by faith every moment. Since then, I have been able to realize _present_ blessings. The perusal of one of Mr. Fletcher's letters has been of service to me; also the recollection of what my father used to say; 'I ask in faith, and bring the blessing away with me.' Surely this is our Christian birthright.
Faith honours G.o.d, and 'without faith it is impossible to please G.o.d.' Thanks be unto Thee, I can now live by faith; but I want to lose myself in Thee, Thou vast unfathomable sea of love! Covered with imperfections, I want to be plunged in the precious blood of Jesus.
Precious Name! Precious blood! the sweetest cordial of the soul.
I have had such a view of the way of faith as I cannot express; so simple, yet so divine! Such a sweet deliverance from doubt! While I feel myself nothing, I have power to apprehend G.o.d as my sanctifying Saviour. What has the world to compare with this?--I rose before six to hold communion with my G.o.d. Art Thou _my_ G.o.d? Yes; by that exalted name, I feel Thou art mine. My soul longs for Thee. When shall I wake up after Thy likeness? I have this evening met the precious charge committed to my care. The responsibility seems greater than ever. O may I watch as one having to give account.
”Sinnington. Nature now resumes its beauty, but the removal of my beloved Ann, and the absence of my dear Elizabeth, make a mighty chasm. Well; soon these separations will cease, and my freed spirit soar to mansions of unclouded bliss. I have been tempted by the enemy; but hold fast my confidence: may the faith, which purifies the heart, sanctify my lips, that I may tell of all Thy wondrous love.--I visited Mrs. B. a second time; she is encouraged to believe the Lord will save her, for Christ's sake-without any merit of her own. Her husband was more cordial than I expected from the account I had heard of him; the tears started in his eyes while I conversed with him. I feel I am employed as I ought to be, when in this way I render the least service to a fellow-creature; but O how poor and feeble are my efforts! Since I came here my mind has been variously affected; sometimes clear, sometimes clouded; sometimes in prayer I have experienced unusual liberty, and again a degree of coldness; but always a sense of the approbation of G.o.d, with a desire to be entirely conformed to His will.--Part of the day was spent in bidding the friends farewell, and in visiting some of the poor; and now I have finished my visit to this place, I can say, I have been endeavouring to please G.o.d, and in some measure, benefit my fellow creatures; but my performances have been so mixed, that I am ashamed before the Lord. Nothing but the blood of sprinkling can wash away my defilement.--I went to the vestry after the evening service, and selected a place, where I thought I should not be observed; but the thought of the curse of Meroz, constrained me to leave my retired position. I resolved, if any opportunity presented itself, to engage in prayer; and truly G.o.d poured upon me the spirit of grace and supplication.--This week I have paid a social visit both to Mrs. R. and Mrs. W. Praise the Lord, I came away uncondemned on account of anything I had said. This has not always been the case. I am thankful for the inward teaching of the Spirit; for the desire that every power of my body, as well as every affection of my soul, may be wholly consecrated to G.o.d. This is now my prayer.--I have been much affected to hear that an old man, whom I had intended to visit, died yesterday. O G.o.d, forgive the omission and help me to be faithful. I took an opportunity of seeing Mr. and Mrs. G., to converse with them on the necessity of salvation: let Thy spirit work. The Lord has been showing me what a poor empty creature I am; but gives me confidence in His promise. I can cast myself entirely upon Him, who is willing to save me to the uttermost. Glory be to G.o.d, my soul dares lay hold on Jesus, as my full, and all-sufficient Saviour.--This morning I gave Wm. B. an invitation to chapel; called on M.T.S., who is in trouble, and advised him to read the 112th Psalm; saw Esther S., who is fast declining, but seems to desire nothing so much as union with G.o.d; also visited J.C., who is sick, but happy in G.o.d.--The means of grace are refres.h.i.+ng, but these are not the only occasions on which I get blessed. No; while my hands are engaged with my ordinary duties, I can look up and call G.o.d Father.--My husband presented me with a new visiting book, the old ones having been called in after the death of Mr. Spence; and the whole concern placed in the hands of a committee.
Having formerly felt my insufficiency, I have sought help at the throne of grace, and entreated the Lord, as the committee have thought proper to send me a book, that He would give me a word in season, and His blessing with my efforts.--The souls committed to me have been laid very near my heart. Conscious of my own weakness, I asked the Lord to put His word into my mouth, and bring it to my remembrance; and to His honour I here record it, that I have never experienced greater liberty.--In the prayer-meeting I was silent, and felt condemned in consequence; and on Sat.u.r.day night the conviction of duty was still deeper, but still resisted, How much I need forgiveness! As the result, barrenness came over my soul, which continued part of the next day. The recollection of having pet.i.tioned G.o.d to take my soul and body's powers, and then to refuse to employ my tongue in His service, although He had promised to put words into my mouth, fills me with shame and humiliation.--For some days I have been hanging on Christ by naked faith, without much sensible comfort; yet have felt as fully resolved to live to the glory of G.o.d as when bathing in the beams of His love. To-night the sacred fire burns brightly 'on the mean altar of my heart.'--I have many mercies to be thankful for, though not recounted here. A moderate share of health is not the least; my cla.s.s increases, my family is well; I am surrounded with friends; and above all, I enjoy peace of mind. 'What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits?'”
The rapid moments fleet away; And on their tireless wings, Death rides, majestic in his sway, Subjecting Popes and Kings.
”1825.--My daughter being out to tea, I called to take her to chapel; but the solicitations of her friends had induced her to relinquish her intention: so I left her. But my mind was much pained; the case of Eli forcibly impressed my mind. I think I too easily yielded to what my better judgment condemned. I need the forbearance of my heavenly Father, and wisdom to direct my children aright. I see great danger in mixing with the world, and the company of outward professors is equally perilous.--While Mr. Stoner was describing the character of those, who have received Christ, my soul responded to the truth: I felt the reality of the change in my own heart. The evidence of the sanctifying grace of G.o.d has of late been more distinct; yet never have I been more deeply convinced of my own nothingness, nor of the exceeding riches of the divine grace.--This eventful month (February) is this year ushered in by answers to prayer. Having a cold, and being dull of hearing, I entreated the Lord, if he had called me to meet his people, to give me power to hear. He graciously condescended to my request and blessed me among them. Four new converts stepped in. O for wisdom to instruct them.--I had a very pleasant visit at Miss C.'s.
Mr. Stoner, Sammy Hick, and two or three female friends were there. We got to know one another's hearts upon our knees, and the Lord lent an attentive ear.--My body is feeble, but my soul pants after G.o.d. I want totally to abandon self, that Christ may be all in all. He is the chief object of my affection, but I want to lay firmer hold upon His omnipotent strength. It is faith that brings the power to exhibit the graces of the Spirit, and to act acceptably in the sight of G.o.d.”
CHRISTIAN FRIENDs.h.i.+P.
Friends.h.i.+p hails the rising joy, And shares the falling tear; Breathes the sympathetic sigh, And swells the common prayer.
How it soothes the troubled breast!
This charity divine Breathes the balm of heavenly rest.
--May such a friend be mine.
”After my morning duties are discharged, I intend to devote the Thursday of every week to the Lord, so long as health and opportunity are afforded me; especially in visiting the members of my cla.s.s, ministering to the sick, and attending the school. I went out feeling that I was the engaged servant of the Lard, and he has graciously blessed my endeavours. One whom I visited is earnestly seeking the Lord; and another, who has long been indebted to my husband, gave me a sovereign towards the amount-unsought, unasked, and unexpected!”
Father of all, and G.o.d of grace, Whose ever watchful eye Surveys the depth and breadth of s.p.a.ce; Yet sees the sparrow fly: Behold my heart--it pants for Thee; The temple for Thyself prepare; There let Thy throne established be, Thy name engraven there.
”Much against my inclination, I paid a formal visit to ----; providentially I was seated near a friend, who was willing to converse on things conducing to holiness.--Among the Lord's poor my soul is often blessed. This day, the day I have set apart for G.o.d, I wrote to Miss B. respecting the Sunday cla.s.s; and, after arranging my domestic affairs, set forth to visit Mrs. D., then Mary H., who was sitting up reading her Bible. As soon as I entered, she began to tell me, that a great change had taken place in her views and feelings; and that prayer and reading the word, were her greatest delight. I asked her how long she had experienced this; she replied, 'About a month. You had been praying with me; many things you said fastened upon my mind:'
then, laying her hand upon her heart, she added, 'I felt such a weight here, I knelt down to pray; and after getting into bed again, it seemed as if a voice spoke to me, 'Mary, the door is open:' from that time I have felt such peace of mind, and pleasure in reading the Bible, as I never did before.' Lord, Thou art able to judge of this statement, and bringest men to Thyself, by ways and means unknown to human sense. This occurred on the first Thursday I devoted to G.o.d.
Lord, make me faithful in the discharge of the trust reposed in me.--I am this morning left alone; yet not alone. I feel a blessed sense of the divine presence, which enables me to antic.i.p.ate my heavenly inheritance; but not for any merit in me: oh no! on Jesus hangs my hope. To me belongeth shame and confusion of face; for my best doings are polluted, and all my good is from Himself. Praised be His name for the change effected in my mind. The saints of G.o.d are my delight, the word of G.o.d my treasure, and communion with G.o.d my greatest joy.--Through mercy, although feeble in body, I am better than during last week. Yet even then I enjoyed peace, and when weakest, my faith has been strongest; I could commit all into His hands; still I see myself a poor empty creature. It is all of grace, through Jesus.
Precious name!”
Afflictions, from Thy gracious hand, Unmingled blessings prove; The rod, prepared at Thy command, Displays a Father's love.
Beneath its weight, submissive, Lord, Upward to Thee I look; ”Expect according to Thy word,”
A blessing in the stroke.
May every pain be sanctified; And every grace improve; Till freed from dross, like silver tried, My soul is only love.
No tear shall then bedew my eyes, No grief my bosom swell; The note of grat.i.tude shall rise, Thou hast done all things well.
”My dear mother has had a fall, and has been much indisposed in consequence. I am thankful to have her so near me, as it is a pleasure to perform my duty as a child. In this, and every other relation, may I be found faithful.--I rose very early, as I felt concerned about my dear mother; and went to her room-door, between three and four o'clock; but as Mary had fastened it within, I could not obtain admittance. However, I betook myself to prayer, and commended her to the Lord. This pa.s.sage was strongly impressed upon my mind: 'The Lord will strengthen him upon the bed of languis.h.i.+ng; Thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness.'--I spent the day at H., in the company of some friends not decidedly devoted to G.o.d. The Lord kept me, and I am thankful I came home without condemnation. I was favoured with an opportunity of speaking with each of them respecting their spiritual state, and the things of eternity.--For some time I have been surrounded by hurry and excitement, and longing for a little retirement. At length, in a way I did not expect, I am in part secluded from my family. In this I am constrained to acknowledge the mercy of G.o.d to an undeserving worm. Brought apparently to the grave's edge, I have been refreshed with His presence, and had power to cast myself upon His fatherly love. The enemy a.s.saults me; but aware of my own weakness I venture, powerless as I am, upon the boundless merits of Jesus.”
How sweet is still retirement! How it calms The mind, and aids reflection! Here my soul, Unfetter'd, soars to converse with its G.o.d.
I hear his Spirit whisp'ring round me now; And love, and grat.i.tude subdue my heart.
Yes, Solitude! I love thee, and enjoy In thy sequester'd depths, the bliss, in crowds I seek in vain. My G.o.d! my only joy!
Yet, O blest Saviour, when Thy voice is heard, Amid the tumult springs a sudden calm, And heaven-born peace pervades my happy soul.
”A situation has offered for Richard, which we have hesitated to accept or refuse, wishful to do right, and afraid of doing wrong. In this dilemma, we cast ourselves at the footstool of mercy, my husband and mother uniting with me, and were fully enabled to roll our care upon G.o.d, who wonderfully undertook for us. I believe we have done right.”
IX.