Part 21 (1/2)

”Are you wounded?”

”Nah, not too bad. I'm having a talk with myself right now. Families are complicated and I'm going to be patient. You know why? I want us to work, that's why. I think it's going to be okay but it's Christmas, and Christmas has a way of stirring things up, so I'm taking my lead from you. I want to be together as much as you want to be-you're going to have to drive this train. Can you do that, Riley?”

”Are you kidding? It's one of my most serious flaws-I like being in charge.” She wiggled away from him and poured two cups of coffee and dished up two slices of cheesecake. Then she sat back down, closer to him than necessary. She put a little cheesecake on her fork and fed it to him. ”The only part of this dinner I made was the coffee.”

”Modern women turn me on,” he said. ”I have a feeling this first Christmas of ours isn't going to include our families, but that's okay. We're still new, there's lots of time.” He fed her a bite from his plate. ”So my busy season is here,” Logan said. ”And not because I'll be partying. More burglaries, domestics, drunk driving-it all adds up to overtime. But maybe we can sneak in our own little Christmas. I want you to think about it, tell me when you have time, help me decide what kind of day or evening you'd like.”

”I'm sorry about Maddie. She's really not like that. She's one of the most accepting, generous, warmhearted people I know. And I don't think she got it from me.”

”Who'd she get it from, then?” he asked.

”My mom I think. My mom is like that.”

”Can I help with the cleanup?” he asked, feeding her another bite.

”No, no. Cleanup is my specialty. My profession.”

They finished dessert and coffee, then Riley treated Logan to a very nice, deep, meaningful kiss and some heartfelt caressing by the front door. Riley was starting to ask herself why she'd avoided this kind of contact for so long. No one had interested her, true. But why had no one interested her? Was it because after Jock she fasted?

She cleaned up the kitchen very slowly and quietly. She had a dishwasher but sometimes she liked was.h.i.+ng and drying the dishes by hand. When she was finished and the kitchen was perfect and s.h.i.+ning, she went to Maddie's room. She knocked before going in.

Maddie was in her pajamas-ballerina and heart pajamas, perfect for a five-year-old girl, but her girl had long blond hair, blue eyes and was five foot eight.

”You want to tell me what that was about?” Riley asked.

”What?”

”Don't pretend you don't know, Maddie. I've never seen you act like that. Didn't you like him?” She came into her daughter's room and sat on the bed.

”Yeah, I liked him. He seemed nice. He's even kind of hot. What kind of cop is he?”

”That's kind of up in the air, I think. His business card says property crimes but he says he's doing some special project at the moment. Now, why were you going on and on about your dad? That's not really true, all that stuff you said.”

”Sure it is. I talk to him every day, he's never missed a game or meet, he always comes by on special occasions even if we're at Gramma's, he takes me to my other gramma's, though not as much, and he's around you a lot because of me. He's nice and he's handsome, too.”

”But, Maddie, your dad and I couldn't work things out-I explained all that.”

”Not really. He did a better job of explaining than you ever did. And when I told him you were dating some guy, it made him so sad.” She shrugged. ”I think he's lonely. And he still loves you.”

”Maddie, I don't think he ever loved me. And Lord knows he wasn't ready to be a father.”

”Well, no kidding! That would be like me being a mother! But he's older now.”

”Maddie, you have to be realistic. Your dad has been married. He loves you very much but he doesn't have any feelings for me.”

”I know. He's pretty embarra.s.sed about that marriage. He didn't know what he was thinking. He said he should've known better. But he said he's always loved you and always will.”

”Because I'm your mother,” Riley said. ”That's all it is.”

”No, Mama, that's not all. But it's okay. Logan is nice. And he's nice to you. That's what matters, right?”

”Right. Are you going to be nicer the next time he's around?”

She nodded, but bit her lower lip. ”You know, you never went out on a date. I thought maybe you and Daddy still might have a thing for each other.”

”Listen, I had a couple of dates. A few, actually. I never said anything.”

”You probably said you had meetings...”

”Probably. But I was asked out. I met a couple of guys for coffee, went to a couple of happy hours, went out to dinner a couple of times, but it just wasn't the right time, I guess. I was bored. I figured if it was right I'd get a little excited.”

”Does Logan get you excited?” she asked.

”I don't know. But he makes me laugh. I'm comfortable with him. I feel good about myself when we're together and it seems like we have a lot to talk about. But, Maddie, it's not serious. It's friendly. It could get serious, but I've only known him a few weeks. Relations.h.i.+ps take time. And I'm in no rush. Now, is there anything else you need to know?”

”One thing. I hope you'll tell me the truth...”

”Maddie, I always tell you the truth!”

”Okay. Did you ever love Daddy? I mean, really?”

It was the oddest thing-Riley felt tears in her eyes. She blinked a little wildly, willing them away. She cleared her throat. She wiped her palms on her slacks. ”Yes,” she finally said, her voice soft. ”Yes, I did.”

”Really?” she asked.

”Painfully so,” Riley said.

Emma steadfastly refused to announce to Adam's family that they were officially seeing each other, though everyone but Riley knew. ”Let's not push our luck,” she said. She didn't want any trouble or friction from Riley and mostly she didn't want a brother and sister at odds over her during Christmas. ”Riley has to be the one to invite me back into her life, even as just an acquaintance. We'll never be good friends, I get that, but I don't want to push my way into your family before she's ready.”

”You know I don't give a d.a.m.n what Riley thinks about this,” Adam said.

”That's exactly what worries me.”

”Why are you so intent on having it the hard way?”

”Is that what you think? Oh, you're wrong. I want it the peaceful way. Especially now-my first Christmas home, with a nice place to live, a decent job, a great fella. I'm going to invite your mom over to see my little place and host her for a couple of hours. I'm going to spend some time with Lyle and Ethan, bring them a nice bottle of wine and some Brie and caviar, wriggle my way into Ethan's good graces. I'm spending an evening with Penny and her girlfriends-they have a little Christmas party every year and I'm now officially part of the club.”

”And me?” he asked.

”I'm sure we'll have lots of quality time together.”

”How about Christmas Eve?” he asked.

”I'll wait up,” she said.

She wanted to enjoy the days leading up to Christmas. She didn't have much to spend on her few friends and she enjoyed it more that way. She found a lovely pashmina shawl for Penny, a couple of small but pretty tree decorations for the other ladies, and for Lyle and Ethan, a Christmas serving platter. For June, a decorative Christmas table runner that was lovely and on sale. For Adam, a soft, cuddly navy blue sweater with a white b.u.t.ton-down s.h.i.+rt, a pair of delicious slippers because she had noticed he didn't have any and a book, a Nelson DeMille novel. She had studied his bookcase-he loved that particular author and although he had an e-reader, he liked to read paper.