Chapter 12.2 (1/2)

Chapter 12.2

I know that during the earthquake, there were tens of thousands of people who died, I know that during the earthquake, there were many families reduced to fragments. I watched the news coverage with tears, because blood is thicker than water I had made donations, but I never came close to victims of the earthquake, I never expect to encounter one the train, seeing a doctor that has lost his son and his wife.

“Once the accident occurred I was busy clearing the panda’s out of the inventory, I was thinking of ways to place these national treasures to a safe place, then when the pandas were settled, I had the time to go home and have a look. The road was blocked, I walked back to the town I once knew, my home was gone. Basically all the houses collapsed, especially the schools. I still have 1/10000 of hope, my child was especially good at sports, he once took the number one sprint position for the country, but he couldn’t escape, I couldn’t even find his bones……”

I felt awkward and didn’t know what to say, but he smiled, as if to conceal the hint of tears in his eyes, “It’s all right, a person’s lifetime, it’s merely just a few decades, what’s the purpose? The purpose is to live well. If my child and my wife in heaven knows that I was too heart-broken to not live on, they will not be happy. You see, this evening did we also hold a newborn? Even though the baby was born in the train, but the child is healthy! Seeing a baby being born, there’s nothing better than that.”

My hands were unconsciously landed on my stomach. The meaning of life is the continuation of it, in this world, the most tenacious of life. During the earthquake, it consisted more than 100 hours of survivors being rescued, there’s Uncle “who wants to drink c.o.ke” such an optimism student, the hero who saved two nine years old students…… They never give up trying to escape, they always adhere hope, even before the seemingly common ordinary doctor, also after such great grief, still straighten his spine.

The situation I’ve encounter with is nothing.

Just because I have a small bean in my head doesn’t mean I have to give up little soy bean in my womb. I’m the creator of life, this is the embryo of my bone and blood. It’s G.o.d’s gift to me, no matter what I also cannot give it up.

In the sudden awareness that I had the same sickness as my elder sister, I was also on the wrong foot, I do not want to face such a dilemma, so I ran. Just like before, when I’m face with the real difficulty, I always turn around to run, to escape from the reality. I was weak, I was afraid, I was afraid I will fail, even if I try my hardness, I was afraid in the end it was all in vain. But this time its different, G.o.d has given me the most precious gift. He has gave me little soy bean, a tiny embryo, right inside of me, growing day by day.

If I could give birth to little soy bean…… My heart was eager, as long as I can give birth to this child, all my happiness in the future, it’s hard to imagine. I will have children, I will have a kids who’ll call me mother, I can hardly imagine what little soy bean appearance would be like, I used my bone and blood to cultivate little soy bean…… I want to see him grow up day by day, I will stay with little soy bean to live happily.

I want little soy bean, no matter how hard it is, for little soy bean I want to try. I won’t run away, for his sake, I will never give up.

Because, I’m a mother ah, little soy bean only has me, with all my blood, sweat, tears and heartache I will give birth to him. When I was younger my mother was already gone, leaving me alone in this world, I will not let little soy bean bear the same suffering, I will never leave him. No matter what kind of difficulties I may encounter, I will never abandon him.

Getting off the train I hailed a cab and went to the real estate agent to look for a place.

My request is very simple, good environment, not far from the most famous national neurosurgery hospital.

Maybe I’ll incidence, that bomb in my brain I don’t know what time it will getting bigger, or when the blood vessels will rupture, or when it will oppresses my nerves, so I want to live near the hospital.

After solving the problem of finding a house, I will go to the hospital, to consult a neurology specialist.

I must admit, I reckon the old professor appeared frightened as he shook his head, trying to persuade me, “Too dangerous, because the process of the pregnancy, your body will secretion all sorts of hormones, and intra-cranial pressure changes during pregnancy…… These are likely to stimulate the ma.s.ses, you cannot take such a risk!”

I asked him, “If I insist on having the child, what’s the likely probability of the illness increasing?”

He thought for a bit and said to me, “The probability would be more than 70%……” Two seconds later he changed to, “80 – 90%! In other words it’s too dangerous, you can’t take your life as a joke. If you really love children, then adopting is a good option.”

If there is no little soy bean, I would like to adopt a child. But now there’s little soy bean, it’s germinating and growing slowly in my body. It also shared blood my vessels and breathe together with me, how can I say don’t want it, and murder it?

Even if only 1/10000 of hope I would like to use all my strength to fight, even if the chances are only 10% now.

If my elder sister was still here, she will definitely complain I’m a foolish child.

In this world, I’m not as good as my elder sister, but I’m luckier than her, although I have the same hidden danger as her, but my illness has not attacked. I hope I will be stronger than her, I give birth to little soy bean, no matter how much the risk is. I know my elder sister had a lot of regrets, she didn’t marry, she didn’t have time to become a mother, and hastily bid farewell to this world. All the regrets she felt, all the things she has not experienced, I will fulfil on her behalf. I want to live well, not only give birth to little soy bean, I want to live on.

The old professor felt that I was helpless, so he had to tell me, “Be on schedule for your check up, if you have any discomfort, you should immediately come to the hospital.”

I don’t know this discomfort whether it was pregnancy reactions or not.

Since I haven’t been in Shanghai for long I was not accustomed to the climate, every morning I would threw up in a complete mess, before noon I was hungry as a horse. I miss Chi Fei Fan’s braised pork in brown sauce, I miss Beijing Mei Yuan’s milk, I miss everything that I couldn’t eat, and the things I could eat, I also do not want to eat them.

Regardless I had to make myself eat or else I’ll have malnutrition. I download recipes from the Internet, and tried to make my own braised pork in brown sauce, I tried several times without success. It was either too burnt or not chewable, I had to ruefully admitted, I had no talent when it comes to cooking. And there’s also the milk rolls from the plum garden, it was originally from Lu Yu Jiang’s home, occasionally he’ll give me a box to eat. I used to  think this thing was fragrant and sweet, nothing remarkable. But now I even dreamed of it, each time I woke up, I had s...o...b..r flow on my pillow.

Because I miss the milk rolls, I also miss Lu Yu Jiang. Although I still think that he is a big a.s.sh*le, but pregnant women’s thinking is peculiar, I really miss the big a.s.sh*le.

I slept until the afternoon, I began to worry about what to eat tonight. Although I had bad morning sickness, but that didn’t stop my weight from increasing. I was getting fatter and fatter, I would eat and then puke, puke then eat, sounds very sickening, but I still hopelessly gain weight, the new maternity trousers I brought has loose a b.u.t.ton.

I went to the supermarket and brought yoghurt, beef, mutton, carrots, tomatoes and dumpling skin, intend to wrap dumplings and cook them myself. Don’t be frightened by the things I have brought, you need to know that pregnant women appet.i.te is amazing. I didn’t dare to eat the frozen dumplings at the supermarket, so I just had to make the filling and wrap them myself. Although I don’t know how to make dumpling, but as a mother, I need to learn to cook, or else how am I going to raise my child in the future?

I carried the large bag of things and used the elevator to go upstairs, and finally when the elevator door slid open, within my sight…… Why does the man standing in front of my house look so familiar? A grown man with a big teddy bear, it was really funny.

I suddenly recognized that teddy bear, this teddy bear had accompanied me for several years!

Lu Yu Jiang!

My whole body’s hair bristled, I stretched out my hand to press the close b.u.t.ton, but because I was pregnant, my hands and feet were slow, he rushed over to jam the elevator door.