Part 28 (2/2)
I can see the festival plan in my head. Everything will be situated in Wizard's Park-the carnival rides and game booths, the food trucks, stages, and Chair Fair tent.
And, if I let myself, I can see the townspeople wandering around with their excited children, taking them to the ball-toss game and on the merry-go-round. I hear their squeals of laughter, their pleas for ice cream, their voices accompanying a sing-along.
I don't see Dean anywhere.
”Hey.” Kelsey takes off her cap and wipes her forehead with the back of her hand as she sits beside me. ”What happened?”
The confession sticks in my throat. I look at the storm-chasing truck and try for the hundredth time to understand why anyone would see a black storm on the horizon and choose to drive right toward it. To go into it.
I push to my feet and approach the truck, running my hand over the steel plates. ”Why do you do it?”
”Chase?” Kelsey shrugs. ”It's hard to explain. It's a rush like no other. Dangerous, exhilarating, thrilling. The realization that you can face down a force of nature is pretty d.a.m.ned powerful.”
”And scary.”
”Scary is part of the appeal,” Kelsey says. ”I struggled for a long time with my attraction to danger. I thought it was the reason my father died. I tried to hide in academia and to control everything about my life.
”But then I met Archer, and I discovered that sometimes being in control can suck. That sometimes I want to let everything go, to give up control and drive into a storm without knowing what will happen.”
I turn to look at her. ”But you won't marry Archer because you don't want anything to change.”
She averts her gaze. ”I don't want anything to change about us. And I know it's stupid because my parents had a great marriage. They loved each other completely. But then my father died and... well, my mother was alone. Then I lost my mother right when I found Archer. And it's been so good that I feel like I'd be tempting the fates if I married him. What if I lost him too?”
She holds up her hand when I start to speak.
”Don't tell me it makes no sense,” she says. ”I know that already. But I can't love Archer more than I already do. And I'm not going to marry him just because some bulls.h.i.+t custom says we should or because people think marriage is the only way you can be with someone for life. Because it's not.”
”True,” I agree. ”Swans mate for life, but they don't get married. They just wing it.”
A grin tugs at Kelsey's mouth as she climbs back onto the roof of the vehicle.
”You hear anything from Professor Marvel?” she asks, apparently having done enough baring of her soul.
”Yes, he's heading for the UN a.s.sembly meeting as we speak. Being an international diplomat.”
Kelsey shoots me a glance. ”You don't sound thrilled about that.”
”I'm proud of him,” I reply, deliberately avoiding her remark. ”I'm just sorry he's missing the festival. And I'm worried they're going to offer him the job, which was clearly made for him.”
”So why does that worry you?”
”Because I can't stand the thought of moving to different countries, not knowing where we'd go next or how long we'd stay. h.e.l.l, Kelsey, I lost Nicholas once in the b.u.t.terfly House. What if I lost him in Malaysia?”
I return to the bench and pick up my satchel.
”Liv.”
I turn to face Kelsey again. She's standing on the roof, her hands on her hips, looking so strong and confident that just the sight of her underscores my recent failures.
”Do you remember when I first hooked up with Archer, and I wasn't at all sure I was making the right decision?” she asks.
I nod.
”You were the one who told me that nothing ever changes if you don't trust your instincts and take risks,” Kelsey continues. ”And that was exactly what I did with Archer. Turned out it was the best decision I've ever made. Maybe you should take your own advice this time.”
”But I don't like what my instincts are telling me,” I admit. ”I'm worried Dean would be giving up an incredible opportunity because of me. I don't want to live with that for the rest of my life. I don't want him to either.”
”Instinct and worry aren't the same thing,” Kelsey reminds me. ”I still have an instinctive pull toward danger, but I'm not scared of it anymore. And I'm not scared of giving up control because I know I have Archer. He's my rock. He takes my fear away. When you have that, you can do anything.”
”Would you get down from there so I can hug you?” I ask.
”Okay.” Kelsey rolls her eyes. ”But only for, like, ten seconds.”
She jumps down from the vehicle. We exchange a hug before I walk back to my car. As much as I wish I could ”take my own advice,” I know Kelsey and I are very different people.
Kelsey still controls the entire Spiral Project. She built a vehicle to protect herself from tornados. Archer will never leave her, no matter how many times she turns down his marriage proposal. She'll never leave him either. She chooses to drive into storms. Even when she's not in control, she's still in control.
And I am too-at least, for now. Without the Edison sponsors.h.i.+p, I call an emergency planning meeting and ask the festival volunteers to try and secure more funding to make up for Edison's refusal. But after several days of trying, it becomes clear that so many businesses have already donated packages to the Chair Fair they can't take on the added financial commitment of a sponsors.h.i.+p.
After a slew of refusals one afternoon, I bring Nicholas to a park on the west side of the lake where The Moms have arranged to meet for the weekly playgroup. They greet us warmly, though when the children run off to the playground, their mothers turn to me with barely contained curiosity.
”Liv, we heard about the disaster at the cafe over the weekend,” Joan announces, her eyes widening as she leans closer. ”What on earth happened?”
I was f.u.c.king my husband and forgot about everything else, I think bitterly.
”Just a bunch of mistakes,” I say. ”All of it was my fault, but we're making amends as best we can.”
The Moms blink almost in unison, as if they hadn't expected to hear me admit to blame.
”I heard the kids had a big food fight,” Susan remarks.
”There was some cake thrown.”
”I heard Slice of Pie almost caused a riot,” Joan says.
”They got a late start.” I wonder how I can change the subject. ”The kids were just eager to hear them play.”
”Are they still providing backstage pa.s.ses for the festival?” Joan asks.
”Uh, I doubt it,” I say, suddenly realizing the deeper implications of not having a high-level sponsor. ”Honestly, I don't know if they'll even perform at the festival anymore. I don't think we can afford it.”
Their mouths drop open in shock.
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