Part 39 (1/2)

'Oh, b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l,' said Bill.

'He was shot trying to escape. That's what I was told.' Roland's voice was filled with anger.

'So they say,' said Bill.

Margaret jumped up. 'Well, that's not my fault! He was trying to run away. He's guilty!'

Bill and Roland ignored her.

'What do you want to do?' asked Bill.

Roland rubbed his eyes. 'There's little we can do for him now. I'd like to help his family, if I can. Margaret, how could you have done this? You know what Ah Kit and I went through during the war!'

Margaret looked at Roland and, without a word, turned and left the verandah.

'Roland, you can't entirely blame Margaret,' said Bill. 'The war and then the communist insurgency, especially after the incident on the Fraser's Hill road, have made life here very difficult for her.'

'Bill, you're a good friend, but what you say doesn't entirely wash with me. Ah Kit was not responsible for what happened on Fraser's Hill. First her sister and now Ah Kit. Margaret only seems to care about the way people and events affect her personally. She isn't concerned about anyone but herself,' said Roland bitterly. 'I have to speak to her, please excuse me.' He strode from the room.

Bill sat on the verandah with his whisky. He could clearly hear the raised voices.

'What do you mean you can't forgive me? You should thank me!' snapped Margaret. 'One less communist to worry about, who won't set fire to our place, or kill our children. Really, Roland, it's your att.i.tude that I find shocking.'

'And I yours! You are wrapped up in yourself. Everything revolves around you, Margaret. I know it's difficult at present but I have tried my best to provide for you, make you happy, indulge your wishes, but it never seems to be enough.'

'Roland, I think you spend more energy and time worrying about those d.a.m.n trees than me! The war was hard on me too, yet you make such a fuss about Bette. I bet you encouraged her to go off with that wealthy Tony Tsang, just to annoy me!' Margaret's voice was rising.

'You're being hysterical, and that's ridiculous. I have no control over Bette's decisions. Anyway you should be grateful to Bette for looking after Philip in that POW camp, but you want to turn her heroic actions into some sort of fight for Philip's affection. It's as though you can't forgive your sister for saving our son's life.'

There was silence for a moment, then Margaret's voice was filled with fury. 'I will not stay under the same roof as you any longer, Roland. I think it would be best if I returned to Australia and leave you to your precious plantation! I'll take Caroline with me because I don't want her to be endangered by your communist friends any longer.'

There was another silence and then Roland spoke in a resigned voice. 'They are not my friends, but perhaps that is a good idea given the precariousness of our security here, now that Ah Kit is gone. It won't surprise people that you are returning to the safety of your family in Australia.'

'That's not the reason I'm leaving,' said Margaret in a dull tone.

'I know.'

Roland walked slowly back to the verandah where Bill was still sitting. 'You heard, I suppose,' he said as he slumped into his chair.

Bill nodded. 'Might be the best solution, for the time being.'

'No. She won't be back. Nor will I chase after her. Utopia hasn't been the right place for her since she came back in forty-six.'

'You'll be all right, old man,' said Bill awkwardly.

The morning Margaret and Caroline left the plantation, it was not yet fiercely hot, but the sky was clear and blue, a soft wind rustling through the garden, shaking frangipani and bougainvillea flowers to the ground. Later, the gardener would sweep them into piles with his twig broom and scoop them into a large bamboo basket. Margaret always liked the gravel driveway to be hosed clean, and the earth in the garden beds and the dusty road to the gate to be raked and smoothed, marked with straight lines by the sticks of the broom, and with no leaf or petal despoiling the lawns. The perfect garden would go on, even without her.

There was a lot of busyness as the luggage was stowed, though her many trunks had already been sent ahead. Margaret's and Roland's parting was perfunctory and unemotional, although it might have seemed from a distance that Roland held his wife more tightly than usual, lingering for a moment so he could remember the softness of her body, the smell of her hair, the familiarity of her. But Margaret didn't seem to notice.

Roland swung his daughter into the air, but she was eager to be in the car, heading off on an adventure in her best dress. In the car, Margaret rolled down the window and gave a final wave to the staff, hovering by the portico, before Roland touched her fingertips.

'Travel safely.'

'Of course, Roland.'

'Be a good girl for your mother, Caroline.'

He stood in the driveway until the car was out of sight, then slowly turned and walked up the steps into the house.

'And Roland never wavered. As far as I know he never tried to get Margaret to return to Utopia,' said Bill.

'Do you know why they never divorced?' Julie asked.

'I don't suppose Margaret ever asked him for one, so Roland saw no need. He was old-fas.h.i.+oned in that sense. But he never saw her or Caroline again,' answered Bill.

'She must have felt very ashamed, because she never mentioned the Ah Kit episode to anyone,' said Caroline. 'She led everyone to believe it was her choice to return to Australia because the East no longer suited her, and Roland had acquiesced in her decision. I used to tell people that my father was too busy running a plantation in Malaya to come to Australia. Because my parents had never got divorced, I always hoped that one day they would get back together and we'd be a family once more, but I realise now that I was just trying to suppress the reality of the situation.'

'Mum, she kept everything secret. No wonder she never wanted to talk about Malaya after the war,' said Julie.

Caroline twisted her hands together. 'Do you know what really makes me upset about all this? My mother told everyone that Bette's decision to marry Tony Tsang was the reason that the family were disgraced but now it turns out that it was her actions that were the problem. It is terrible to think that although Bette saved Philip's life, my mother made my aunt the scapegoat for all her troubles.'

'I'm sorry to upset you. Maybe I shouldn't have told you everything that happened,' said Bill, looking concerned.

Julie took her mother's hand. 'No, Bill. It's fine. It's what we came to find out. You've answered a lot of questions for us. Maybe they're not what we were expecting.' She looked at her mother. 'Mum, you can't blame your mother for everything. The war changed things for Gran. It did for a lot of people. Some adjusted and some didn't.'

'That is very true,' said Bill. 'And while Roland knew the marriage was over, I believe that he never stopped loving the woman he had married, and there was never anyone else, until the day he died.'

On the drive from Goondiwindi back to Brisbane, mother and daughter reviewed Bill's story. They felt they'd come to know and understand Margaret much better.

'If only she'd shared what had happened with me,' said Caroline. 'I'd have tried to understand.'