Part 81 (1/2)
[6269] ”Si tibi deformis conjux, si serva venusta, Ne utaris serva,”------
I can perhaps give instance. _Molestum est possidere, quod nemo habere dignetur_, a misery to possess that which no man likes: on the other side, _Difficile custoditur quod plures amant._ And as the bragging soldier vaunted in the comedy, _nimia est miseria pulchrum esse hominem nimis._ Scipio did never so hardly besiege Carthage, as these young gallants will beset thine house, one with wit or person, another with wealth, &c. If she he fair, saith Guazzo, she will be suspected howsoever. Both extremes are naught, _Pulchra cito adamatur, foeda facile concupiscit_, the one is soon beloved, the other loves: one is hardly kept, because proud and arrogant, the other not worth keeping; what is to be done in this case? Ennius in Menelippe adviseth thee as a friend to take _statam formam, si vis habere incolumem pudicitiam_, one of a middle size, neither too fair nor too foul, [6270]_Nec formosa magis quam mihi casta placet_, with old Cato, though fit let her beauty be, _neque lectissima, neque illiberalis_, between both.
This I approve; but of the other two I resolve with Salisburiensis, _caeteris paribus_, both rich alike, endowed alike, _majori miseria deformis habetur quam formosa servatur_, I had rather marry a fair one, and put it to the hazard, than be troubled with a blowze; but do as thou wilt, I speak only of myself.
Howsoever, _quod iterum maneo_, I would advise thee thus much, be she fair or foul, to choose a wife out of a good kindred, parentage, well brought up, in an honest place.
[6271] ”Primum animo tibi proponas quo sanguine creta.
Qua forma, qua aetate, quibusque ante omnia virgo Moribus, in junctos veniat nova nupta penates.”
He that marries a wife out of a suspected inn or alehouse, buys a horse in Smithfield, and hires a servant in Paul's, as the diverb is, shall likely have a jade to his horse, a knave for his man, an arrant honest woman to his wife. _Filia praesumitur, esse matri similis_, saith [6272]Nevisa.n.u.s?
”Such [6273]a mother, such a daughter;” _mali corvi malum ovum._, cat to her kind.
[6274] ”Scilicet expectas ut tradat mater honestos Atque alios mores quam quos habet?”
”If the mother be dishonest, in all likelihood the daughter will _matrizare_, take after her in all good qualities,”
”Creden' Pasiphae non tauripotente futuram Tauripetam?”------
”If the dam trot, the foal will not amble.” My last caution is, that a woman do not bestow herself upon a fool, or an apparent melancholy person; jealousy is a symptom of that disease, and fools have no moderation.
Justina, a Roman lady, was much persecuted, and after made away by her jealous husband, she caused and enjoined this epitaph, as a caveat to others, to be engraven on her tomb:
[6275] ”Discite ab exemplo Justinae, discite patres, Ne nubat fatuo filia vestra viro,” &c.
”Learn parents all, and by Justina's case, Your children to no dizzards for to place.”
After marriage, I can give no better admonitions than to use their wives well, and which a friend of mine told me that was a married man, I will tell you as good cheap, saith Nicostratus in [6276]Stobeus, to avoid future strife, and for quietness' sake, ”when you are in bed, take heed of your wife's flattering speeches over night, and curtain, sermons in the morning.” Let them do their endeavour likewise to maintain them to their means, which [6277]Patricius ingeminates, and let them have liberty with discretion, as time and place requires: many women turn queans by compulsion, as [6278]Nevisa.n.u.s observes, because their husbands are so hard, and keep them so short in diet and apparel, _paupertas cogit eas meretricari_, poverty and hunger, want of means, makes them dishonest, or bad usage; their churlish behaviour forceth them to fly out, or bad examples, they do it to cry quittance. In the other extreme some are too liberal, as the proverb is, _t.u.r.dus malum sibi cacat_, they make a rod for their own tails, as Candaules did to Gyges in [6279]Herodotus, commend his wife's beauty himself, and besides would needs have him see her naked.
Whilst they give their wives too much liberty to gad abroad, and bountiful allowance, they are accessory to their own miseries; _animae uxorum pessime olent_, as Plautus jibes, they have deformed souls, and by their painting and colours procure _odium mariti_, their husband's hate, especially,--[6280] _c.u.m misere viscantur labra mariti_. Besides, their wives (as [6281]Basil notes) _Impudenter se exponunt masculorum aspectibus, jactantes tunicas, et coram tripudiantes_, impudently thrust themselves into other men's companies, and by their indecent wanton carriage provoke and tempt the spectators. Virtuous women should keep house; and 'twas well performed and ordered by the Greeks,
[6282] ------”mulier ne qua in public.u.m Spectandam se sine arbitro praebeat viro:”
which made Phidias belike at Elis paint Venus treading on a tortoise, a symbol of women's silence and housekeeping. For a woman abroad and alone, is like a deer broke out of a park, _quam mille venatores insequuntur_, whom every hunter follows; and besides in such places she cannot so well vindicate herself, but as that virgin Dinah (Gen. x.x.xiv., 2,) ”going for to see the daughters of the land,” lost her virginity, she may be defiled and overtaken of a sudden: _Imbelles damae quid nisi praeda sumus_? [6283]
And therefore I know not what philosopher he was, that would have women come but thrice abroad all their time, [6284]”to be baptised, married, and buried;” but he was too strait-laced. Let them have their liberty in good sort, and go in good sort, _modo non annos viginti aetatis suae domi relinquant_, as a good fellow said, so that they look not twenty years younger abroad than they do at home, they be not spruce, neat, angels abroad, beasts, dowdies, s.l.u.ts at home; but seek by all means to please and give content to their husbands: to be quiet above all things, obedient, silent and patient; if they be incensed, angry, chid a little, their wives must not [6285]cample again, but take it in good part. An honest woman, I cannot now tell where she dwelt, but by report an honest woman she was, hearing one of her gossips by chance complain of her husband's impatience, told her an excellent remedy for it, and gave her withal a gla.s.s of water, which when he brawled she should hold still in her mouth, and that _toties quoties_, as often as he chid; she did so two or three times with good success, and at length seeing her neighbour, gave her great thanks for it, and would needs know the ingredients, [6286]she told her in brief what it was, ”fair water,” and no more: for it was not the water, but her silence which performed the cure. Let every froward woman imitate this example, and be quiet within doors, and (as [6287]M. Aurelius prescribes) a necessary caution it is to be observed of all good matrons that love their credits, to come little abroad, but follow their work at home, look to their household affairs and private business, _oeconomiae inc.u.mbentes_, be sober, thrifty, wary, circ.u.mspect, modest, and compose themselves to live to their husbands' means, as a good housewife should do,
[6288] ”Quae studiis gavisa coli, part.i.ta labores Fallet opus cantu, formae a.s.simulata coronae Cura puellaris, circ.u.m fusosque rotasque c.u.m volvet,” &c.
Howsoever 'tis good to keep them private, not in prison;
[6289] ”Quisquis custodit uxorem vectibus et seris, Etsi sibi sapiens, stultus est, et nihil sapit.”
Read more of this subject, _Horol. princ. lib. 2. per totum._ Arnisaeus, _polit._ Cyprian, Tertullian, Bossus _de mulier. apparat._ G.o.defridus _de Amor. lib. 2. cap. 4._ Levinus Lemnius _cap. 54. de inst.i.tut._ Christ.
Barbaras _de re uxor. lib. 2. cap. 2._ Franciscus Patritius _de inst.i.tut.
Reipub. lib. 4. t.i.t. 4. et 6. de officio mariti et uxoris_, Christ. Fonseca _Amphitheat. Amor. cap. 45._ Sam. Neander, &c.
These cautions concern him; and if by those or his own discretion otherwise he cannot moderate himself, his friends must not be wanting by their wisdom, if it be possible, to give the party grieved satisfaction, to prevent and remove the occasions, objects, if it may be to secure him. If it be one alone, or many, to consider whom he suspects or at what times, in what places he is most incensed, in what companies. [6290]Nevisa.n.u.s makes a question whether a young physician ought to be admitted in cases of sickness, into a new-married man's house, to administer a julep, a syrup, or some such physic. The Persians of old would not suffer a young physician to come amongst women. [6291]Apollonides Cous made Artaxerxes cuckold, and was after buried alive for it. A goaler in Aristaenetus had a fine young gentleman to his prisoner; [6292]in commiseration of his youth and person he let him loose, to enjoy the liberty of the prison, but he unkindly made him a cornuto. Menelaus gave good welcome to Paris a stranger, his whole house and family were at his command, but he ungently stole away his best beloved wife. The like measure was offered to Agis king of Lacedaemon, by [6293] Alcibiades an exile, for his good entertainment, he was too familiar with Timea his wife, begetting a child of her, called Leotichides: and bragging moreover when he came home to Athens, that he had a son should be king of the Lacedaemonians. If such objects were removed, no doubt but the parties might easily be satisfied, or that they could use them gently and entreat them well, not to revile them, scoff at, hate them, as in such cases commonly they do, 'tis a human infirmity, a miserable vexation, and they should not add grief to grief, nor aggravate their misery, but seek to please, and by all means give them content, by good counsel, removing such offensive objects, or by mediation of some discreet friends. In old Rome there was a temple erected by the matrons to that [6294]_Viriplaca Dea_, another to Venus _verticorda, quae maritos uxoribus reddebat benevolos_, whither (if any difference happened between man and wife) they did instantly resort: there they did offer sacrifice, a white hart, Plutarch records, _sine felle_, without the gall, (some say the like of Juno's temple) and make their prayers for conjugal peace; before some [6295]
indifferent arbitrators and friends, the matter was heard between man and wife, and commonly composed. In our times we want no sacred churches, or good men to end such controversies, if use were made, of them. Some say that precious stone called [6296]beryllus, others a diamond, hath excellent virtue, _contra hostium injurias, et conjugatos invicem conciliare_, to reconcile men and wives, to maintain unity and love; you may try this when you will, and as you see cause. If none of all these means and cautions will take place, I know not what remedy to prescribe, or whither such persons may go for ease, except they can get into the same [6297]Turkey paradise, ”Where they shall have as many fair wives as they will themselves, with clear eyes, and such as look on none but their own husbands,” no fear, no danger of being cuckolds; or else I would have them observe that strict rule of [6298]Alphonsus, to marry a deaf and dumb man to a blind woman. If this will not help, let them, to prevent the worst, consult with an [6299]astrologer, and see whether the significators in her horoscope agree with his, that they be not _in signis et partibus odiose intuentibus aut imperantibus, sed mutuo et amice antisciis et obedientibus_, otherwise (as they hold) there will be intolerable enmities between them: or else get them _sigillum veneris_, a characteristical seal stamped in the day and hour of Venus, when she is fortunate, with such and such set words and charms, which Villanova.n.u.s and Leo Suavius prescribe, _ex sigillis magicis Salomonis, Hermetis, Raguelis_, &c., with many such, which Alexis, Albertus, and some of our natural magicians put upon us: _ut mulier c.u.m aliquo adulterare non possit, incide de capillis ejus_, &c., and he shall surely be gracious in all women's eyes, and never suspect or disagree with his own wife so long as he wears it. If this course be not approved, and other remedies may not be had, they must in the last place sue for a divorce; but that is somewhat difficult to effect, and not all out so fit. For as Felisacus in his tract _de justa uxore_ urgeth, if that law of Constantine the Great, or that of Theodosius and Valentinian, concerning divorce, were in use in our times, _innumeras propemodum viduas haberemus, et coelibes viros_, we should have almost no married couples left. Try therefore those former remedies; or as Tertullian reports of Democritus, that put out his eyes, [6300]because he could not look upon a woman without l.u.s.t, and was much troubled to see that which he might not enjoy; let him make himself blind, and so he shall avoid that care and molestation of watching his wife. One other sovereign remedy I could repeat, an especial antidote against jealousy, an excellent cure, but I am not now disposed to tell it, not that like a covetous empiric I conceal it for any gain, but some other reasons, I am not willing to publish it: if you be very desirous to know it, when I meet you next I will peradventure tell you what it is in your ear. This is the best counsel I can give; which he that hath need of, as occasion serves, may apply unto himself. In the mean time,--_dii talem terris avert.i.te pestem_, [6301]as the proverb is, from heresy, jealousy and frenzy, good Lord deliver us.
SECT. IV. MEMB. I.
SUBSECT. I.--_Religious Melancholy. Its object G.o.d; what his beauty is; How it allures. The parts and parties affected_.
That there is such a distinct species of love melancholy, no man hath ever yet doubted: but whether this subdivision of [6302]Religious Melancholy be warrantable, it may be controverted.