Chapter 30 (1/2)

This chapter of Lost You Forever finally feels like a chance for a fresh start for Xiao Yao. Of course I love her with the three guys who love her, kind patient Jing, volatile perplexing Xiang Liu, and constant oppa Zhuan Xu. From the moment the books start she’s always been tied up with one or more of the men around despite her conscious desire to be independent and not rely on others to avoid getting hurt. The last few chapters have been hard on Xiao Yao’s emotional well being but nothing worse than the childhood she survived. I want to see more about what she wants outside of finding a person to walk life’s road with. If she does find such a guy, who loves her and she loves back and being together isn’t going to involve world shattering imminent death, what is she going to do in that very ordinary life she craves. The easy answer is to go back to being a little doctor in a little clinic in a little town. But the first time around Xiao Yao didn’t really take it seriously. It was yet another way for her to form a ragtag life without a long time outlook.

Now that Jing is married and has a son, Xiang Liu’s duty as a General in the Sheng Nong resistance army is heating up under pressure from Zhuan Xu’s powerful rule, will Xiao Yao finally look at her Zhuan Xu gege in a different light when suddenly there is no other men around and the two of them don’t need to worry about one wrong step leading to danger? I do want her to grasp how important she is to Zhuan Xu, and important beyond being his family and little sister. Zhuan Xu’s love for Xiao Yao is just as sad in that he can’t express it and she doesn’t even know it. At least Xiao Yao isn’t that dense as to be unable to sense that Xiang Liu feels something for her. He stubbornly refuses to openly admit it, and she also keeps getting reminded by everyone around her that Xiang Liu is not an option. Poor Xiao Yao gets tugged around until finally she decides to step back and get herself out of the center of the maelstrom for now.

Chapter 30 – No Reason for a Desire to Return:

Spring went and Winter came, Winter left and Spring arrived, in the blink of an eye three years pa.s.sed.

Zhuan Xu was the only grandson of the Yellow Emperor and Empress Lei Zhu. It was unexpected the way he ascended the throne but also understandable. The Xuan Yuan elders initially opposed him but Zhuan Xu was patient and used grace to lessen their opposition on one hand while being strict and forceful on the other hand. Gradually all the Xuan Yuan prominent families acceded to him and acknowledged him as the Emperor.

Zhuan Xu saw the time was right and brought up moving the capital from Xuan Yuan Castle to Zhi Yi Castle. He was already governing from Sheng Nong Mountain but Zhi Yi Castle was not officially designated as the capital. When Zhuan Xu broached this topic it caused waves to ripple as all the Middle Plains families supported it while the Xuan Yuan elders vehemently opposed it.

But Zhuan Xu’s mind was made up and he a.s.signed Yu Jiang to write up the capital move plan. Yu Jiang’s plan was thorough and detailed and everyone knew he was Zhuan Xu’s trusted subordinate so clearly this plan was in the works for awhile. With such a detailed plan in hand, people had no room to object and even the Xuan Yuan elders had to concede that Xuan Yuan Castle was no longer suitable to be the capital for the increasingly powerful Xuan Yuan Kingdom.

After half a year, Zhuan Xu overcame any lingering opposition and ordered the capital to be moved.

Zhuan Xu’s followers included people who spent the last fifty years renovating the palaces so had lots of experience with construction, plus with the Middle Plains full support, after the royal decree came down everyone threw all their energy into it . After a year of building and reconstruction and renovation, a bigger, better, and more fortified castle wall and palace was built on top of the original Sheng Nong Kingdom capital.

Perhaps it was due to consideration for the Xuan Yuan elders, or because of his own nostalgia, Zhuan Xu renamed Zhi Yi Palace as Shang Heng Palace which was the same name as the Xuan Yuan Palace. The Middle Plains families didn’t care about this name but it made the Xuan Yuan elders happy to feel like they were the legitimate side. In the end both sides were happy.

Zhuan Xu picked a auspicious day for the official capital move and the designation of Zhi Yi Castle as the capital city of Xuan Yuan.

Zhuan Xu visited the Yellow Emperor every day and briefed him on the progress. The Yellow Emperor never offered any suggestions or praise or criticism, only taking everything in calmly with a silent a.s.sessment. He was weighing whether Zhuan Xu was like he boasted to the world, having a grand vision, broad ambition, brilliant mind, and vast energy.

It was clear he was pleased with Zhuan Xu’s rule, his grandson not only did not disappoint him and even managed to surprise him.

On the day when Zhi Yi Castle became the Xuan Yuan capital, the Yellow Emperor listened to the fireworks going off outside and said to Xiao Yao “Zhuan Xu did well!”

Xiao Yao smiled “You’ve been so silent on this that many officials even used you to pressure Zhuan Xu! They said you and Grandmother built Xuan Yuan Castle personally that you would never agree to the capital move.”

The Yellow Emperor said “To move the capital is to shatter tradition and requires shouldering a lot of pressure. But Zhuan Xu did it so well!”

Xiao Yao was proud of Zhuan Xu as well “Whatever Gege wants to do, he will never give up!”

With everything all settled, Zhuan Xu came one day to see the Yellow Emperor who found a reason to send Ah Nian aside so they could talk.

The Yellow Emperor said “It’s time to announce an Empress and allow the Middle Plains to be fully at ease.”

Zhuan Xu unconsciously glanced at Xiao Yao and she perked up and asked “Who does Gege want to be your Empress?”

Zhuan Xu’s lips were tightly pursed and he said nothing.

The Yellow Emperor stared at Zhuan Xu and sighed inside his heart before slowly stating “Of course it can only be Sheng Nong Xing Yue.”

Xiao Yao yelled “I don’t agree!”

Zhuan Xu glanced with unbridled joy at XIao Yao as she grumbled “I don’t object to Xing Yue becoming the Empress but what about Ah Nian? Where do you guys leave her?”

The happiness seeped out of Zhuan Xu’s eyes and he lowered his head seemingly in a daze.

The Yellow Emperor explained to Xiao Yao “If Ah Nian becomes Empress, the Sheng Nong tribe will be furious and the Chi Sui clan will also feel slighted. It will leave the entire Middle Plains feeling like Zhuan Xu crossed the bridge and then tore it down, lying to them. If we stayed in Xuan Yuan Mountain then we would have room to retreat but we’ve moved the capital now so there is no way back. We can only keep going forward. What do you want to do, Xiao Yao? Send the world into chaos again just for one Ah Nian?”

Xiao Yao had no response. She hardly left the mountain these past few years but the few times she went down she could see the vast wilderness changing before her eyes. The Middle Plains families were cautiously accepting the Xuan Yuan elders clans as they also cautiously stepped in. In this critical juncture, it was like two powerful beasts residing in the same mountain as they wearily circled each other. If they determined neither had ill intent then they would live in harmony and even become companions in the future. If if there was even a slight tense wind blowing, it could lead to them attacking and tearing each other apart.

Xiao Yao walked up to Zhuan Xu “Gege, between Xing Yue and Ah Nian, who do you want to be your Empress?”

Zhuan Xu smiled “Whichever one you guys want. I don’t care since this is all my life will be!” He stood up and walked out without even a farewell greeting to the Yellow Emperor.

Xiao Yao stamped her feet “Gege! You, you….what do you mean you don’t care!”

The Yellow Emperor said “Let him be alone for now!”

Xiao Yao angrily glared at the Yellow Emperor “If Grandfather has already decided on Xing Yue as the Empress, why did you give Ah Nian hope?”

The Yellow Emperor said “I’ll talk to Ah Nian about this so don’t worry about it. Ah Nian, come in here!”

Ah Nian bit her lips and walked in with her eyes red, clearly she already overheard the news that Zhuan Xu was going to take Xing Yue as his Empress.

The Yellow Emperor waved to Xiao Yao to leave and gently said to Ah Nian “Come here to grandfather, I have some things to say to you.”

“Grandfather!” Ah Nian buried her face in the Yellow Emperor’s lap and started bawling.

Xiao Yao walked out to the sound of Ah Nian crying. She felt so helpless knowing that the Yellow Emperor was still manipulating people even in his small chambers.

It was dark by the time Ah Nian returned to her chamber where Xiao Yao was waiting for her. She saw Ah Nian’s eyes swollen like two peaches and sighed “Did you use up an entire lifetime’s worth of tears today?”

Ah Nian said “I wish.”

Xiao Yao asked “What did you discuss with grandfather?”

Ah Nian said “I made a promise to grandfather and that is between us.”

“What are you planning to do?”

“I’m going back to Gao Xing tomorrow.”

Xiao Yao was thrilled “You don’t want to marry Zhuan Xu anymore? That’s great!”

Ah Nian said “What are you talking about? I just think it’s not suitable for me to live here anymore. No matter how many wives Zhuan Xu gege takes I can ignore it as unrelated to me. But the Empress is not like the other wives, now Zhi Jin Palace will have a mistress of the house and she won’t welcome me to stay here. I’m still the Gao Xing Princess so even if I can do anything for Zhuan Xu gege I still can’t embarra.s.s Gao Xing.”

Xiao Yao furrowed her eyebrows and stared at Ah Nian wondering what the Yellow Emperor said to her.

Ah Nian said to Xiao Yao “Jiejie, don’t waste your life sleepwalking through each day. You’re not a kid anymore, you need to start thinking about your own future.”

“What? You’re talking about me?” Xiao Yao was caught off guard.

Ah Nian sincerely said “You are listless all day with nothing to do. If it’s just Zhuan Xu gege, Grandfather, and me around then no one will care. But once Xing Yue becomes Empress she will become the mistress of this palace. In the past you were above her but going forward she will be above you. Even her father needs to bow to her when he sees her, much less you’re just a sister-in-law. Once the positions change between people then many things will change. She will look at you differently and treat you differently. She won’t be happy with your casual att.i.tude. You don’t even give the proper respect to the Grand Emperor or the Yellow Emperor, much to an Empress like she will become.”

Xiao Yao conceded “I really can’t give her the respect to curry favor with her.”

Ah Nian said “No matter how you treat Dad and Grandfather, they will not mind since they are your family. But Xing Yue will mind, a woman’s heart is small especially someone like Xing Yue who has spent her entire life trying to reach her position in life. Your casual att.i.tude will only lead her to think you don’t give her the proper respect and she’ll start to resent you. How she will deal with you is something I don’t even dare have a clue about.”

Xiao Yao was shocked “Did Grandfather explain all this to you?”

Ah Nian glared “Grandfather said a bit but more about life and not specifically about you. I grew up in a palace so I know a lot even if I’ve not yet experienced it. The way I treat Grandfather is exactly that, friendly with a side of b.u.t.tering him up.”

Xiao Yao thought about it and laughed “That’s true! So that was you being friendly and b.u.t.tering him up.”

Ah Nian retorted “Seeing as how you spoke up on my behalf, I wanted to give you some advice but you’re not taking me seriously! Let me tell you, if you keep being like this then one day you will fall into Xing Yue’s hands! I suggest you come back to Gao Xing with me! On Five G.o.ds Mountain, no one will dare do anything to you!”

Xiao Yao smiled and said nothing. Her dad was on Five G.o.ds Mountain but because her mom divorced her dad and she followed her mom to Cao Yun Peak, she always felt like her Dad, Consort Jing An, and Ah Nian was one complete family unit while she was the outsider. She felt more like family living with the Yellow Emperor and Zhuan Xu.

But Ah Nian was right, Zhuan Xu’s home was about to get its mistress of the house and Xiao Yao’s personality likely wouldn’t win any favors with the new mistress.

She used to think that no matter what happened, her Gege’s home would always be her home. But this day arrived with the truth so sobering, her Gege’s home was his home and she could stay for as long as she wanted but it was living under someone’s roof. She would need to endure the owner’s whims and avoid being disliked.

Ah Nian saw Xiao Yao wasn’t ready to go back and added “If you don’t like living in Five G.o.ds Mountain and can’t stay in Sheng Nong Mountain, then you only have another path left.”

“What?”

“Get married! Marrying is the only way out for a woman, unless you want to go to Jade Mountain and be the next Royal Mother.” Ah Nian sighed “But even if you got married it would be a problem. Feng Long lives in Zhi Yi and Zhuan Xu gege might even give him a residence on Sheng Nong Mountain. He’s very sociable and is the Chi Sui clan leader and you are his wife so you need to know how to socialize. But you…..you’re socially awkward and don’t know how to even dress. Now people are already mocking you behind your back about how much embarra.s.sing situations will arise in the future. If you don’t get on the good side of the Empress, who knows how the days will be like for you down the road……Sigh!”

Xiao Yao said “You stop it, I’m already despondent and if you keep talking then I’ll feel like my life is such an utter failure without any hope left.”

Ah Nian burst out giggling “I was feeling miserable but seeing you like this makes me feel like I’m not as bad off as you.”

Xiao Yao stood up “Get some sleep! Tomorrow I’ll go back to Five G.o.ds Mountain with you.”

“Eh? Why?”

“What do you mean why? I need to interact less with Xing Yue to maintain our past friends.h.i.+p. If we live in the same palace and ignore each other, the past friendly feelings will get wiped away and I’ll start to get on her nerves. Best leave as soon as I can!”

Ah Nian smiled “So you were listening to what I said earlier.”

“You have more experience than me in terms of being a woman in the palace. I ought to listen to you more.

Ah Nian nodded “That’s more like it.”

Xiao Yao left Ah Nian’s residence and thought that she ought to say goodbye to Zhuan Xu tonight if she was leaving tomorrow. But she didn’t even know which of his wive’s residences he was in right now.

Xiao Yao smiled wistfully, it really wasn’t the same as before! She couldn’t go find her Gege anytime she wanted.

Xiao Yao sighed, time to go back! It doesn’t matter when she said her farewells, tonight or tomorrow, if she was leaving anyway.

Xiao Yao returned to her residence and laid down on her pallet but couldn’t sleep. When she lost Jing she felt that she still had Zhuan Xu and no matter what happened she would never lose him.

But tonight she felt for the first time that she was gradually losing Zhuan Xu.

Years ago they held hands and walked up Cao Yun Peak, facing adversity that did not defeat them or make them give up on each other. But now they reached the end, there were so many things and people gradually forming between them that it naturally split them apart.

It wasn’t that one wanted to leave the other or the other stop caring, it was life being so merciless and unwittingly leading them to this point.

Xiao Yao felt her heart constricting tightly so she sat up and took deep breaths. It started with being sleepless but over time she seemed to have developed a heart problem. She knew Xiang Liu was being bothered by her right now.

All these years in the deep dark of the night, when she was at her most painful to endure moments, knowing someone was experiencing the same feeling made her feel she wasn’t alone. It made her feel like he was right there keeping her company and it comforted her a lot.

In the poison packages she sent him, she wrote in a letter apologizing for disturbing him and reminding him to go to Jiu Li with her when he had time. But Xiang Liu never replied and Xiao Yao didn’t dare mention it a second time.

Xiao Yao clutched her heart and slowly laid back down. After laying for a long time, she slowly fell asleep.

The next morning when Xiao Yao went to see the Yellow Emperor, Ah Nian and Zhuan Xu were both there.

Ah Nian looked terrible, her eyes were still red and swollen likely having cried some more. Zhuan Xu also looked weary with dark circles under his eyes as if he didn’t sleep a wink last night. Xiao Yao wanted to laugh and didn’t realize that she also looked as bad.

Zhuan Xu said to Xiao Yao “I spoke with Grandfather and have decided to make Xing Yue my Empress.”

Ah Nian quietly sat beside the Yellow Emperor and remained placid but not smiling. If Ah Nian didn’t object then Xiao Yao had even less reason to object so she said “Fine!”

Zhuan Xu stared at Xiao Yao with his eyes blazing but Xiao Yao just smiled.

Ah Nian said to Xiao Yao “I already told Grandfather and said goodbye to Gege. We’ll leave for in a bit for Five G.o.ds Mountain.”

Xiao Yao said with a smile to Zhuan Xu and the Yellow Emperor “I haven’t been back to see Dad in a long time so I plan to go with Ah Nian.”

The Yellow Emperor said “It’ll be good to go back and see your Dad.”

Zhuan Xu asked “When will you be coming back?”

Xiao Yao was taken aback, when will she be coming back? She really didn’t think about it! Not like before when she knew she would becoming back to Zhuan Xu so she didn’t take much with her when she left. This time she subconsciously knew she wasn’t planning to come back so she told Shan Hu to pack everything.

Xiao Yao smiled “Haven’t decided when to come back, let me spend some time with my Dad before deciding.”

When Xiao Yao went back to Gao Xing in the past she said the same thing but this time Zhuan Xu felt Xiao Yao’s tone of voice was very dismissive. He wanted to press her more but with his grandfather and Ah Nian there he couldn’t ask so he casually said “Fine.” Zhuan Xu understood for the first time that the more nervous a person was, the more it was tucked deep inside.

Zhuan Xu didn’t go back to handle his official matters and just kept Ah Nian and Xiao Yao company. Ah Nian was reluctant to leave and kept by Zhuan Xu’s side while Xiao Yao attended to the Yellow Emperor and checked his vitals before reminding him of all the things he needed to pay attention to about his health.

These past years with Xiao Yao tending to him and his cooperation, the Yellow Emperor’s health had improved dramatically. If he remained cloistered away in Sheng Nong Mountain taking care of himself then he would have no problem living another few hundred years.

Zhuan Xu summoned some snacks and dined with Xiao Yao and Ah Nian. After they finished was when Hai Tang came to report “The luggage is all packed, do the princesses want to depart now?”

Xiao Yao and Ah Nian stood up and bowed to the Yellow Emperor who said to Zhuan Xu “After you send them off go handle your affairs, no need to come back to see me.”

“Yes!”

Zhuan Xu accompanied Xiao Yao and Ah Nian to the cloud carriage. As they neared Zhuan Xu saw five large cloud carriages stuffed with luggage trailing behind the pa.s.senger one.

Xiao Yao never used luggage carriages when she left so Zhuan Xu chuckled “Ah Nian, you sure have a lot of luggage, did you clean out your entire residence?”

Ah Nian blinked a few times “It’s not all mine.”

Zhuan Xu turned and stared at Miao Pu who reported “Three of the luggage carriages contain the Eldest Princess’s luggage.”

Zhuan Xu’s expression shuttered so quickly Miao Pu was alarmed and immediately knelt down. Zhuan Xu calmed himself and turned back around with a smile “Xiao Yao, you come here, I have something to say to you.”

Xiao Yao was already sitting in the cloud carriage with her eyes closed ready to nap so she yawned and walked out of the cloud carriage. Zhuan Xu pulled her to the side while she lazily asked “What’s so important?”

Ah Nian stared curiously at them but Zhuan Xu placed a spell so she couldn’t hear anything.

Zhuan Xu asked Xiao Yao “When are you coming back?”

“I haven’t thought about it, I want to live with Dad for a bit and then think about coming back!” Xiao Yao was perplexed, didn’t he already ask her before?

“Can you come back in one month?”

“No way!” With the wedding discussions just underway, Zhuan Xu and Xing Yue’s wedding couldn’t be held in just one month.’

“Can you come back in two months?”

“Probably not.”

“Three months?”

“No.”

“Four months?”

“No.”

Zhuan Xu actually went down the list of months one by one while Xiao Yao said a string of no, not likely, and probably nots.

…………………..

“Can you come back in thirteen months?”

Xiao Yao felt she couldn’t say “probably not” to that so slowly said “I don’t know.”

Zhuan Xu said “Fine, I’ll send someone to fetch you in thirteen months.”

Xiao Yao quickly added “No need, if I want to come back then I’ll come back.”

Zhuan Xu appeared to not hear what she said “In thirteen months, I’ll send someone to fetch you back.”

Without waiting for Xiao Yao’s reply, he walked towards the cloud carriage ready to send her off.

Xiao Yao walked over and muttered “Coming and going, I’m already used to it, why need someone to come fetch me? What if thirteen months later I’m not ready to come back, wouldn’t that be a wasted trip? Whatever!”

Zhuan Xu stopped and stared at Xiao Yao and it actually made her heart lurch so she quickly looked down.

Zhuan Xu said “If you don’t come back, I will go to Five G.o.ds Mountain to get you.” And then he walked off in big fast strides.

Since the dawn of time the Emperors never met each other. Even if the Grand Emperor was Zhuan Xu’s master, now that Zhuan Xu was the ruler of a kingdom he still could not go to another kingdom. Xiao Yao wondered if she heard wrong and chased after Zhuan Xu “What did you just say?”

Zhuan Xu shoved Xiao Yao into the cloud carriage and said to both girls “Don’t play too much on the way home and go straight to Five G.o.ds Mountain. Say h.e.l.lo to Master for me. Have a safe trip!”

Zhuan Xu stepped back and said to the servants “Depart!”

The driver immediately whipped his winged horses which rose into the air.

Xiao Yao and Ah Nian crowded around the window with Ah Nian waving frantically at Zhuan Xu as he waved back at them. It wasn’t until he was gone from sight that Ah Nian turned back and looked very gleeful “Did you get yelled at? I saw Gege was angry at you, why was he upset at you?”

Xiao Yao laid down on the soft pillow “My mind is all jumbled, I’m going to sleep for a bit.”

“What do you do all night long then? Don’t you sleep?”

Xiao Yao sighed, she woke many times a night and even if she did sleep it wasn’t soundly. She really wasn’t resting enough so she just had to increase her resting hours.

Ah Nian jabbered “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

Xiao Yao placed a handkerchief over her face indicating don’t bother me, I’m asleep!

________________________________

A month and a half later, the Xuan Yuan Emperor Zhuan Xu married the direct descendant of the Sheng Nong royal family Sheng Nong Xing Yue as his Empress.

The wedding was lavish as the nation celebrated for three days. This wedding officially announced the true merging of the Xuan Yuan tribe led by the Yellow Emperor and the Sheng Nong tribe led by the former Flame Emperors.

At the wedding Xing Yue wore all red as the custom of the Sheng Nong tribe, but Zhuan Xu did not wear all yellow as was the custom of the Xuan Yuan tribe. He instead wore all black embroidered with gold thread.

No one knew why Zhuan Xu did this but the all black was imposing and regal so it quickly made black fas.h.i.+onable among the younger set. Feng Long and his friends a.s.sumed it was to differentiate Zhuan Xu from the still alive Yellow Emperor and they started calling him the Black Emperor. After Zhuan Xu heard that he said “I was worried about what my official moniker would be but this will do, from now on I’ll be the Black Emperor.”

From then on the official designation of the Black Emperor was created.

Three days after the wedding, Zhuan Xu announced an official decree encouraging intermarriage between the Sheng Nong families and the Xuan Yuan families. He would reward any intermarriages and even put to greater use the sons from those families.

Initially the two tribes were not very keen to get close to each other but after the capital move and with the pa.s.sage of time, the interactions naturally increased and gradually the intermarriages started happening more and more.

No matter the opposition in the past, once the bloodlines were mixed and offspring were born, even two grandfathers from formerly enemy tribes softened when staring at their mutual adorable grandchild.

There was still a long ways to go before the two tribes would fully be integrated but Zhuan Xu had taken the first successful step forward. Perhaps tens of thousands of years later, when the Yellow Emperor and Zhuan Xu were no longer around, the vast wilderness would have no Sheng Nong tribe or Xuan Yuan tribe and all that remained was the bloodline mixed descendants of both tribes.