Part 11 (2/2)

WHEN TESS AND KEVIN reached the fresh edge of the ice cap, now lying between Iceland and Norway, they said goodbye to the world of the whales and turned themselves into seals for their re-emergence on to the surface.

Despite their layer of blubber, they were shocked by the intensity of the cold. Snow was still falling, but it was a very different kind of snow from the large, soft flakes which were still settling on Dublin. Here the particles were small and dense, as though the air itself were ice that had lost its solidity but nothing of its coldness. It froze their whiskers as soon as they flopped out of the sea, and it stung their nostrils and eyes.

Tess stood beside Kevin, both of them blinking against the swirling snow and wondering what to do. Her mind searched for possibilities, but there were only two. To turn back, or to go on. It was Kevin who made the decision. He touched her nose briefly with his, and began to shuffle himself forwards. Tess followed.

But seals are c.u.mbersome on land, and unhappy. Their exertions warmed them but they were making little headway. After a while they stopped to rest, but as soon as they did, the cold began to bite into them again. So they moved on in a more effective manner, as polar bears this time.

Tess was torn between conflicting instincts. She wanted to turn back, to the solid safety of whales and dolphins and home, but at the same time she was afraid of being separated from Kevin in this white and terrifying world. She knew that nothing would persuade him to give up, even though she had long ago forgotten the feeling that had made her understand why. She had the awful sensation of being caught up in his life, his search for some intangible thing which she neither understood nor wanted. It made her feel helpless and worthless, with no choice but to trail along in his tracks and accept whatever was going to happen.

And there was only one thing, as far as she could see, that could happen. They would walk into the snow and ice until they could walk no longer, and then they would die. She wondered what had happened to the other polar creatures, the bears and Arctic foxes with their silver coats, and she hoped that at least some of them had managed to stay on land and keep ahead of the storms. She shuddered and shook a crust of snow from her coat. Her fur was thick, but not thick enough, she knew, to protect her for much longer.

Kevin was still walking with silent determination, but the snow was getting deeper as they got further from the edge of the ice, and it was soft and powdery, which made progress slow and tiring. Tess's eyes and lungs were sore from the bitter air. She dropped her head. White bears, white snow, white air constantly moving around them. The only change in all that whiteness was when, from time to time, Kevin turned around to make sure she was there, and then she saw his black nose and eyes.

It was almost a relief when night began to fall. To Tess, numb with cold and exhaustion, it no longer seemed to matter what form rest might take, as long as it came soon.

Kevin stopped. Directly in front of them was a miniature mountain, an iceberg which had been captured and imprisoned by the spread of the krools' carpet. Some of its facets were too sheer for snow to lodge there, and the ice showed through, darkly opaque, like crystal. To Tess it represented an obstacle, but to Kevin it was a G.o.dsend. Because around its base the snow had gathered into wide, deep drifts. He began to dig.

In the middle of the night, Tess woke. It was absolutely dark in the snowhole. If any moon or starlight filtered through the clouds above, it failed to make its way through the tunnel they had dug and into their tiny cave.

It was surprisingly, luxuriously warm in there, from the trapped heat of their furry bodies. Tess would have stretched if there had been room, but they had made the s.p.a.ce just big enough for the two of them to sleep curled up, so that they wouldn't have to warm any extra air. She yawned and turned over so that she was facing Kevin, and now she realised why she had woken. It was a long time, who knew how long, since she and Kevin had talked together, and she wanted to do it now before daylight came and urged them into action. She Switched, and immediately felt a little frightened to be lying in total darkness with a large bear. She could smell bear fur and bear breath, and before it frightened her any further, she reached out and tugged at Kevin's thick, warm coat.

He started, then grew rigid, and then the coat between her fingers was cotton, a little damp.

'You idiot, Tess! Don't ever do that again!'

'What? What did I do?'

'I was a bear, you fool. You woke me up. I nearly ripped out your throat!'

'Wow.'

'I only just remembered in time!'

'Sorry,' said Tess.

Kevin said nothing, but turned awkwardly in the cramped s.p.a.ce until he was on his back. Tess was afraid that she was going to cry and, as if he realised, he reached out his hand and touched her arm.

'It's OK,' he said. 'I shouldn't have shouted. I'm sorry.'

Tess turned so that she was on her back as well and their shoulders were squeezed tight against each other in the dark. For a long time they lay in silence breathing the warm, foetid air.

Tess's mind was a jumble. She knew that the most sensible thing to do was to turn back and go home, but she couldn't say it to Kevin. It would seem like a betrayal after they had come so far. And if they weren't going to go back, what did you say to someone when it might be your last conversation with them? There was an awful sense of the executioner's cell about the snowhole. And despite all they had been through together, Kevin seemed like a stranger again, lost in his own thoughts. But it was he who spoke first.

'What did she mean, Tess?'

'Who? Lizzie?'

'Yes. About what isn't?'

'I don't know.'

'But what could she have meant? It must have been important or she wouldn't have said it.'

'I don't know if that follows,' said Tess. 'Lizzie said an awful lot of things that weren't important.'

'Oh, come on, Tess. You're not going to start backing off again, are you? It's hardly time for it, you know.'

'Maybe it is the time for it. Maybe it's the only time. The last chance we have.' She expected him to be angry, but his answer was surprisingly calm.

'No, it's too late for that now. We've come this far because we believed what Lizzie said. It'd be completely pointless to give up now, just when we're getting to the heart of it.'

'The heart of what?'

Kevin shrugged, and they were squeezed so tightly together that Tess's shoulder rose with his. At another time she would have laughed, but at that moment laughter seemed to belong to a different life.

'Of what we are, I suppose,' said Kevin. 'Of survival, of freedom, of independence.' He sighed. 'But I don't know what the problem is. My mind feels as if it's shot through with steel cables, or something. Whenever I try to think about anything a bit different, like what isn't, I just find myself running along the same old lines. I can't seem to get anywhere.'

'I suppose we haven't done too badly so far,' said Tess, 'and most of the things we've done have been your ideas. The dolphins and the seals and the polar bears and this hole in the snow.'

'Yes. But it's all practical stuff, isn't it? It's all what is and not what isn't. But the polar bears aren't going to take us much further, are they? We couldn't last much longer out there, and we can't hole up for ever, either. We need something else now. Some leap of imagination.'

He fell silent again. Tess noticed that her eyes were flicking around in the darkness, seeking something to rest upon. She closed them, and must have dozed for a moment, because Kevin's voice woke her from a dream.

'Have you got your watch on?'

For some reason the dream was important, but when she tried to remember it, it slipped away from her. It was all snow, anyway, ancient and endless. She felt her wrist. 'Yes.'

'Has it got the date on it?'

Tess was already looking at it. 'It says seven-thirty,' she said, 'but I suppose the time is different up here. I can't see the date. That bit isn't luminous. Why do you want to know, anyway?'

'I was just wondering when my birthday was. It must be quite soon.'

'What date is it?'

'The thirtieth. Can't be that far off now.'

Suddenly Tess realised why he was asking. She had an awful image of Kevin losing the ability to change and being stuck out there in the frozen wastes. He would freeze in no time in that stupid parka. He didn't even have gloves. And going back would be just as dangerous. He might be in the middle of the sea when it happened, or up in the air. It was important to know.

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