Part 10 (1/2)

'To the Arctic.'

Tess stared, wide-eyed. 'What? To look for Lizzie's krools?'

'Why not?'

'Because ... because it's crazy, Kevin, it's a laugh. You really believe they're up there? Giant slugs that cause ice ages?'

Kevin shrugged. 'I don't know.'

'Well, I do,' said Tess. 'Lizzie's not so bad when you get to know her, but she's not all there, you know. She's not the full s.h.i.+lling.'

'Is that right?'

'Of course it is. You saw that letter. She's harmless, but she's mad.'

'And what about us, Tess?'

'What about us?'

'Well, what would people call us if we told them what we do? What we are?'

'We don't tell them, though, do we?'

'Of course not. But why? What would they think if we did?'

Tess said nothing, not wanting to fall into the trap.

'Come on,' Kevin went on. 'What if you were to tell your parents where you've been for the last few days? What would they say?'

'They'd probably say I'd fallen in with a bad crowd and taken some funny drugs.'

'They might. But I'd say the chances are they'd take you to see a psychiatrist, wouldn't they? If you insisted on sticking to the truth.'

'Anyhow,' said Tess, 'that's different.'

'Why?'

'Because it is. Because we know the truth, and if the worst came to the worst we'd be able to prove it. But this business about krools is ridiculous.'

Kevin said nothing. The fire was burning brightly now and sending out sparks on to the hearth. Tess got up and filled the kettle at the sink. Outside in the trees, the first birds were beginning to complain about the weather. 'Besides,' she said, as she hung the kettle on its hook, 'even if it was true, which it isn't, what could we do? You and me?'

Kevin leant back in his chair. 'That's the whole point, Tess,' he said. 'That's why I'm going.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, if you really want to know, I'm as doubtful about this krools business as you are. I wouldn't be going either, if it hadn't been for what Lizzie said about ...' He paused.

'About what?'

'What was it that she said, exactly? Something about not knowing what we could do. Not knowing half of what we can do.'

'But we know that anyway, Kevin. Or I do, anyway. We're living in Ireland, you know? We can't go around the place being elephants and kangaroos and flamingos, can we? It'd be ridiculous.'

'I don't think that's what Lizzie was talking about.'

'What was she talking about, then?'

'I don't know. But when she said that, I had the strangest feeling all of a sudden. I can't really explain it, but it was as if I knew for certain that she was right, and that there was all this strength and power in me that I didn't know how to use. I felt like I was filled with it, just waiting to explode, except that I didn't know how to set it off. There was nowhere for it to go.'

Tess said nothing; not because she thought it was stupid, but because she was remembering times when she had felt like that herself.

'It's different for you,' Kevin went on. 'You still have a couple of years to play around with this thing, you know? Find out what you can do. But I don't. I don't have much time left at all.'

The kettle came to life with a long, low moan. Tess refrained from giving it a poke. 'I can understand that,' she said. 'But it still doesn't explain why you should want to go off on a wild goose chase up into the Arctic.'

'It does, though,' said Kevin. 'You remember the time when we were in the waste-ground and you didn't want to turn into a rat?'

'Yes.'

'Well, it's like that a lot of times in life, isn't it? Maybe you would never have taken that step if the dog hadn't come along and made you do it. But you did do it, didn't you? You could have flown away, but you didn't.'

'So what?' said Tess. 'To be quite honest with you, I'm not sure at this moment what good it did me.'

'Well, maybe it did and maybe it didn't,' said Kevin. 'And maybe not everything that happens ends up getting you what you want, or what you think you want. Maybe things happen for some other reason that we don't see straight away, or maybe they happen for no reason at all. You could spend your whole life worrying about why things turn out the way they do and you still wouldn't be able to fix it so that they always did you some good.'

'I didn't mean it like that,' said Tess, 'and you know I didn't.'

She gave in to her impulse to poke the kettle. It swung slowly backwards and forwards for a while, but instead of singing louder, it went silent again.

'I know you didn't,' said Kevin, 'and even if you did, it wouldn't matter. The thing is, I want to go. Everything in me wants to go, even though I know there probably aren't any krools.'

'But I don't think you're seeing things straight, Kevin. I mean, even if we ... even if you did decide to go, how would you get there? All the animals are coming south, I've seen it on the news. The conditions up there are impossible for anything to live in.'

'But that's the whole point!' Kevin leant forward to look at her more directly, and his eyes were bright with excitement. 'Don't you see? Because sometimes we don't know what we can do until we have to do it. And if we always stick with what's easy and what's safe, then we'll never be made to find out. I'm not sure that I'd want to save the world, Tess, even if I thought there was anything to save it from, even if I could. But I want to know what I'm capable of, before it's too late.'

Tess heard Lizzie's footsteps on the stairs. Somehow the cats did, too, because they began to come in from outside, one at a time, shaking the snow from their paws.

'What's you two doing up so early?' said Lizzie.

'Just chatting,' said Kevin.

Lizzie put her hand on her hip and used it as a lever to straighten her back. 'Ooh. I's getting as stiff as a poker, so I is. All this cold weather doesn't do me any good. Hasn't they fed you yet, pussums? Hasn't they even given you a drop of milk? They's sitting there with all their important chatting to be done and you's all starving with the cold and with the hunger.'

The cats purred and wound themselves around her ankles. She poked the kettle, which dribbled on to the fire but began, a bit reluctantly, to sing. 'And has you come to any decisions with all that chat?' she went on. 'Is you going to go sledging or play s...o...b..a.l.l.s in the park?'

'I'm going north, Lizzie,' said Kevin.