Part 50 (1/2)

GEORGE--All that I said was, ”My Dear Susie: The dog I promised you has just died. Hoping these few lines will find you the same.

Yours, George.”

Now comes the question which will make This life a bitter cup....

How many hoopskirts will it take To fill a trolley car up?

”Speaking of accommodating hotel clerks,” remarked a Portland commercial traveller, ”the best I ever saw was in a town near Bangor. Just before I retired I heard a scampering under the bed and looked under, expecting to see a burglar. Instead I saw a couple of large rats just escaping into their hole. I dressed and went down to the office and put in a big kick. The clerk was as serene as a summer's breeze.

”'I'll fix that, all right, sir,' he said. 'Front! Take a cat to 23 at once.'”

A recent school examination in England elicited the following definitions:

”Noah's wife,” wrote one boy, ”was called Joan of Arc.” ”Water,”

wrote another, ”is composed of two gases, oxygen and cambrigen.”

”Lava,” replied a third youth, ”is what the barber puts on your face.” ”A blizzard,” insisted another child, ”is the inside of a fowl.”

”Why don't you demand $50,000 instead of $5,000?” said the lawyer.

”Oh, because,” explained the lady of the breach of promise suit.

”Then he might change his mind and want to marry me.”

”I'll admit,” said Mrs. Hylo, ”there are some things I don't know”----

”That's no lie,” interrupted her husband.

”But,” continued the alleged better half of the combination, ”that man doesn't live who can tell me what they are.”

”Friend of mine to-day,” said Mr. Kidder, ”was talking of coming here to board.”