Part 17 (1/2)
”Uh, yeah.” I said, still in a daze. Once she had it wrapped around the hose-stand, she turned back to, her hands wringing the water out of her s.h.i.+rt tail.
”Sorry, Emily.” She grinned. ”We've both been working so hard, and I figured we could use a break.” I grinned back and began to wring my own clothes out.
”That was fun.” She nodded with a smile.
I took the keys from the ignition, and opened my door, mindful of any oncoming traffic. The walk up to the large, green house was done in flagstone with bits of colored pebbles thrown into the mix of mortar. I smiled at the porch swing that swung slightly from the light breeze. I glanced up at the increasingly darkening sky. It was beginning to get cold again. I hoped a storm wasn't going to come in. Finally reaching the porch, I mounted the couple of stairs, and took a deep breath as I reached out to press the doorbell. Far off in the house I could hear chimes, and then the barking of a dog. Footsteps on hardwood floors, then the door was pulled open.
It was a hot day. Not just regular, want some ice cold lemonade hot, but let's run and hide in the air-conditioner hot. Monica and I walked down the street, doing some window shopping on Main on our way to our favorite little outside cafe to eat lunch. She was dragging me from window to window as she gawked at the different types of candles. Monica was wanting to re-decorate her house, and I was to help her.
”Oh!” I stopped, my gaze riveted on one of the most beautiful candles I'd ever seen. It was a large wolf, standing at the edge of a cliff, howling at a full moon. It was carved from ivory wax, and the detail was exquisite, down to the wolf's fur, and tail tucked between its legs. ”Look at that.” I breathed. I got no answer, and turned to see my friend's attention had completely gone somewhere else. Annoyed, I grabbed her sleeve. Then my eyes wondered out to the street to see what had caught her eye. My own eyes bulged in surprise. A woman was walking down the sidewalk in our direction, though she was still a good fifteen, twenty feet away. She was tall, long legs in loose-fitting worn blue jeans with matching holes in each knee. She wore a tight, ribbed black tank that showed off tanned skin, and an incredible physique. She had dark, nearly black hair, cut short, but with long bangs that flaked either side of her forehead. As she got closer, I stared into her blue eyes that seemed to glow against the reflection of the sun, and when those blue eyes crinkled in recognition, my stomach fell.
”Beth.” I breathed. Monica turned to me, broken from her strange daze. ”And she cut her hair.” I added dumbly.
”You know her?” she asked. I nodded, sticking my hands in my pockets to stop them from fidgeting with the sudden attack of nerves I felt. As Beth got closer, I noticed that her eyes darted back and forth between me and Monica, a question in her lop-sided grin. G.o.d, she was so beautiful.
”Fancy seeing you here, Em.” She said as she walked up to us, and stopped. I said nothing, but watched her as she began to watch Monica. ”Hi.” She said to my boss.
”h.e.l.lo.” Monica said with a sweet smile. ”Friend of Emily's?” I was curious to see how Beth would answer that. She glanced at me for a moment, then looked at Monica.
”We know each other.” She finally said. ”You're Monica from across the street.” Beth said, c.o.c.king her head to the side to take in all of Monica, and her cream-colored, light-weight suit. Her eyes gazed down at her legs, and the fitted skirt to the silk, sleeveless blouse, finally to smile with a raised brow. ”Right?” I watched, torn between the two, not sure I believed what I was seeing. If I didn't know better, I would have said that Beth was flirting with Monica. Was, was she flirting back? I was baffled, and felt another strange feeling wash over me. Jealousy. I was taken aback by that. No. Couldn't be.
My attention turned back to the two women standing before me, talking. ”Yeah, I'm Beth Sayers. Lived next door to Em, here.” Recognition seemed to dawn on Monica, and she nodded.
”Of course.” She looked back at me with a smile of wonder on her face. ”My G.o.d. You have definitely grown up.” She said, her voice lowering just a bit.
”Well, it does tend to happen. And so have you, by the way.”
They continued to talk, and I blocked them out, my own feelings like a tempest inside my head. How could I be so glad to see Beth, yet wish that she'd go away? I never in my wildest dreams saw Beth as a threat of any kind, and then at that moment, standing on the sidewalk out front of that candle shop, I saw her as just that. Why? How could I have jealousy that was aimed at Beth, and aimed at Monica? It was obvious to the most dense person that something was flying through the air with those two, yet I was not yet ready at that time to put a name to it, or to even try and identify it.
I would sneak a peek at Beth every once in a while only to find my gaze meeting blue. As always, no matter what she did, I was still always in her sights. That was both comforting, and unsettling at the same time. Old habits die hard, I guess.
”Emily?” I looked up to meet the dark gaze of my old friend and boss. I smiled, and nodded. ”Oh my G.o.d.” She breathed, stepping forward onto the porch to wrap me in a tight hug. ”Why didn't you tell me you were coming?” she said against my shoulder.
”I guess I wanted to surprise you.” I explained as we parted. I looked into Monica's face, now that of a woman in her mid-forties. She was still beautiful, with her s.h.i.+ny black hair, just the tiniest bit of gray mixed in. It was longer than it had been last I'd seen her, but looked great on her. She wore a baggy sweats.h.i.+rt and matching sweats, her feet in thick, wool socks. She held me at arm's length, and looked me over.
”You look wonderful.” She beamed. ”My G.o.d, you've grown up.” She said, shaking her head in wonder. ”Come in, come in.”
Monica stepped aside to allow me to enter into a large entryway, a long, narrow hall leading out from it. I looked down when I felt something by my leg, and grinned at the little Beagle that looked up at me with great big brown eyes, brown, black and white tail about to wag off.
”This is Molly.” She said.
”Hey, Molly.” I cooed, bending down to give the excited dog some attention. Monica led me through the large house, showing me all of the antiques she had collected over the years, and her prized collection of candles of every kind and color. The house that she had always wanted.
”You have got to meet Connie.” She said, tugging me by the arm up to the third floor of the old house. As we got further up the stairs, I could hear hammering. ”Honey?” she called out, leading me through a maze of rooms and doors until we finally ended up in a well-lit room filled with windows. A woman was at the far end, up on a ladder, hammering away on the rafters there.
”Connie?” Monica said, though the woman did not acknowledge. ”Connie!”
”What?!” the woman almost fell off the ladder as she jerked in surprise. She put her hand to her chest, and glared at Monica. ”Are you trying to kill me?” she wheezed. Monica grinned.
”Sorry, babe. I want you to meet someone. Connie, this is Emily Thomas. Emily, my partner Connie.” I smiled, so glad to meet the woman who had finally been able to give my old friend what she had always wanted; love, and a steady home.
”Emily. Hi.” Connie said, stepping down the rungs of the ladder, wiping her hands on her paint-stained pants. ”Sorry about the mess. We're remodeling.” She smiled, extending her hand.
”Not a problem.” I smiled, taking her hand into a warm handshake.
”I certainly wish we were meeting under better circ.u.mstances, but I'm glad to meet you all the same.” She said, covering our joined hands with her other one.
”Same here.” I said, looking into her deep, blue eyes. Kind eyes. Her hair, that was swept back into a messy ponytail, with specks of white paint in it, was a deep blonde color, almost b.u.t.terscotch. Very different. She was a simple looking woman, but beautiful in that simplicity, and her good heart shone through, exuding from her like an aura.
”So where's Rebecca?” Monica asked. I turned back to her.
”She stayed and is babysitting.” I said sheepishly. ”She just adores kids, and Billy and Nina jumped at the opportunity.” They both smiled knowingly.
”Well, let's all go downstairs and you can tell us all about life in the Big Apple.”
I stood from the stack of files on the floor, and walked over to the window, looking out at the dark street, the single streetlight illuminating part of the front yard. I crossed my arms over my chest, and leaned my shoulder against the wall.
”Emily?” I heard quietly from the room behind me.
”Hmm?” I asked absently, my mind faraway.
”You okay, hon?” I could hear the concern in Monica's voice. I nodded.
”Yeah. Just thinking.”
”About?”
About what indeed. I watched as two boys raced down the street, lit for just a second beneath the orange glow of the streetlight, then disappearing, only their laughter to be heard in the night still. I tried to focus in on my thoughts, to get them in order so they'd make some sort of sense to my friend. They made absolutely no sense to me. I turned away from the window.
”I'm so confused, Monica.” I said quietly, my gaze locked on the coffee table.
”About.” She asked again, her voice soft, encouraging.
”Remember last week, when we ran into Beth?” I asked, she nodded. I turned back to the window, not wanting to see her face as I told my story, staring at my reflection in the gla.s.s, the night turning it into a mirror. My eyes were drawn to the west as a large bolt of lightning lit the night sky, turning night into day, and making my reflection disappear for just a moment, then there I was again. ”How can,” I stopped, trying to find the words. ”How can you miss something you never had?” I stared into the eyes in the reflection, my eyes, eyes that were transparent, the darkness just on the other side, and I wondered if the whole time had I been just as transparent? Had I known what I had wanted, but wasn't strong enough to grab it?
”What do you mean?” I heard the soft question, but did I understand the words? What did I mean?
”Beth.” Was spoken almost like a prayer. ”When you two were talking that day on the street, I was jealous. Not the first time the two have been in the same sentence before. Beth and jealousy.” I said. ”And as I watched her talk to you, I realized that the word Monica had to be added to that sentence, too.” I didn't dare look at her, terrified of what implications that admission could bring up. ”I was scared.”
”Of what, Emily?” I heard asked, not far behind me. I still did not turn around, able to make out the hazy reflection of Monica's face behind me. I had gotten myself in that deep, might as well finish it. I would be leaving for school soon, anyway.
”Of losing either one of you. To each other.” I smiled ruefully. ”Silly, huh?” I finally garnered the courage to turn and face my friend. She had a look of understanding on her face, her hands buried deep into her pockets. ”I don't understand this, Monica.” I shrugged, showing my defeat. She smiled.
”You're so young, Emily. You have no idea how much you remind me of myself ten years ago. So ambitious, intelligent, yet utterly confused and blind. I once asked myself, how can I be so smart, yet so dumb at the same time?” she smiled in remembrance, and took a step toward me. ”Emily, go to Beth. She is where your heart really lies. You look up to me, see what you want to be. Don't confuse that with something that it isn't.” I could feel the sting of confused emotions behind my eyes.
”What if it's too late?” I asked. She reached out her hand, and placed it upon my cheek.
”You'll never know until you try. You've managed to get yourself this far, figure out this much. Don't quit now.”
I laid in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling once more, distant thunder continued to rumble deep in the night sky. I held my trusty teddy, Ruffles to me, holding on to something that was a reminder of who I really was, of who I thought I was, and who I pretended to be. Ruffles had been through it all, had seen all the changes. He's seen all of my wishes and dreams, disappointments. Probably knew me better than I knew myself. I released my hold and turned the bear to sit up on my stomach, and stared up into his familiar, worn face.