Part 9 (1/2)

”Emily?” my mother asked, the slightest hint of a smile twitched at her lips. I looked at her with wide eyes and shrugged my shoulders. I glanced over at the wall clock to see that it was nearly seven. Beth and I had a mutual agreement that after dinner generally meant eight. By the time I finished the dishes it would be time to head out to the Bowl.

I stood at the kitchen sink with a dishrag in my right hand, sauce-covered pan in my left. I scrubbed absently as I stared out the window to the backyard. I didn't really see the big Cottonwood tree, or the small shed tucked into the back left corner of the yard, nor the big trampoline whose black tarp dully reflected the light of the full moon. I was thinking about how I was going to react to Beth tonight. I had to meet her in fifteen minutes. All the dishes were washed except for the pan that I was slowly working on. After that I only had to wash off the dinner table, and take out the garbage. No problem. I would be there on time.

I thought again about Beth's new friend, Casey. I chastised myself as the realization came to me that I had absolutely no right to be jealous of this mystery girl. Beth was allowed to have other friends, after all. I had my own friends. But I relied on Beth so much. But at the same time I had a sinking suspicion that Beth and Casey had been more than just friends over the summer. Had Beth done the same things to her as she had done to me? Wasn't that just something that Beth and I had done? Other girls don't do that, do they? But then I remembered what Aunt Kitty had said about her and Karen. Did all girls do that at one time or other? Either way, we would work it out. I hoped.

With a swish of the dishtowel into the double sink, I left the kitchen and headed toward the living room where my parents were reading the newspaper and watching the evening news.

”Did you read this article, Fran?” my father asked, his voice distracted as he continued to read an article that was accompanied by a picture of what appeared to be a parade of some kind. Men and women were walking down a street with signs in their hands, and their mouths were open as if they were talking or yelling.

”Which one?” my mother answered just as distracted as she focused on her own section of the Star Journal. My father began to read: ”Nearly four hundred marchers partic.i.p.ated in Friday afternoon's rally in front of City Hall in Denver demanding equal rights to gays and lesbians. The rally started off peaceful with mild chants, and rainbow-colored banners, however, things began to turn for the worse when anti-gay protesters began to throw rocks and gla.s.s bottles at the marchers. Some gay members were rushed to a near-by hospital with head wounds, and severe cuts. After twenty minutes, Denver police were able to bring everything back under control, and the rally was disbanded. No arrests were made.....'”

My mother looked up as my father put the paper down and looked at her.

”Those d.a.m.n people.” he muttered. ”Why can't they just keep it to themselves? No one cares about that... lifestyle. Why can't they just be normal?”

”Henry. Be fair. They didn't deserve that. Someone could have really gotten hurt. They weren't hurting anyone. You just read that it was a peaceful march.”

”What is a gay and lesbian?” I asked as I stopped at the front door and turned to face them. Both my parent's eyes turned to me, both looking as if I had just asked them if I could shoot them in the head.

”They're a bunch of sickos, is what they are.”

”Henry.” my mother was silent for a moment as she thought of how to best answer my question. ”Well, honey, they are h.o.m.os.e.xuals.”

”What's a h.o.m.os.e.xual?”

”Ah. Oh boy. Well, a h.o.m.os.e.xual is someone who, ah, well, who loves the same s.e.x. Two men who love each other physically are called gay, and two women who love each other physically are called lesbians.” I absorbed this information for a moment before I realized that I had heard both of those terms used before at school. I had just never known what they had meant. Then it hit me that I had heard both of those terms hollered at Beth. I swallowed uneasily.

”Oh. Well I'm going.”

”Don't be out too late, Emmy.” my mother said as she turned her attention back to her newspaper.

I walked solemnly down the street as I replayed my mother's definition again and again in my mind. Were we..... No. No way. I did not love Beth in that way. Was Beth? No. I smiled to myself. She wasn't one of 'those' people. She just always felt more comfortable physically around girls, that's all.

I walked up the dirt path that would wind its way to the Toilet Bowl. Up ahead I could barely make out the white of a T-s.h.i.+rt. The moon had hid behind some rolling clouds, and its suffocated light could not break through the dense branches of the trees that surrounded the pond. As I neared I could see Beth sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her s.h.i.+ns. Her eyes stared into the water, but did not really focus on anything. I could tell she was deep in thought as she drew her bottom lip into her mouth to lightly chew on it before releasing it once again.

”Hey.” I said quietly, not wanting to disturb the hush of the late August night. She looked over her shoulder and smiled ”Hi.” I plopped down next to her, and sat cross-legged, my arms resting on the sides of my thighs. I looked at her and grinned.

”You beat me here this time.”

”Yeah, I know. I had to get out of there. I've been here for about an hour I think.”

”Oh. I would have been here a little sooner, but with Billy gone I am the only dishwasher.” She grinned at me. I looked off into the trees for a moment before turning back to her. ”So tell me about it. How was camp?” She smiled.

”It was great. I won a ton of awards and trophies. You should see my dresser top. It's loaded with them.” Her eyes sparkled, filled with so much pride.

”Oh, Beth.” I breathed, truly happy for her. ”I knew you would do really well there. You are so talented. If I only had this much of your talent,” I held up my hand, placing my index finger about half an inch from my thumb.

”Hey, don't be too hard on yourself, Em. You have got some serious stuff upstairs. I wish I was smart like you. And beautiful.” Her smile was disarming. I grinned shyly.

”Yeah, right. All that won't get me a standing ovation, or awards and trophies like you get.”

”Maybe not, but it will sure get you far in life. You will get far, Em. I know it.” Her bright blue eyes bore into mine. They were filled with a mixture of seriousness, and sadness. She continued with a grin. ”Just remember me when you're a big successful lawyer in some great city.”

”Always.” I smiled. ”As long as you remember me when you give your speech after you win your first Oscar.” She grinned, lost in the thought. We locked eyes for a moment as we connected. I had never been linked to another human being as I was to Beth. We were able to say so much with our eyes that our mouths would never say. Right now I was seeing something flash through hers that told me she was in a great struggle over something. She looked so lost that I felt I needed to touch her, comfort her. I reached out and placed my hand on her right knee that was still being held securely to her body with her arms. I knew she needed to talk, but was unsure if I wanted to hear about it. So I'd have to take the plunge, and get her going.

”Why did she have to leave camp?” My words came out slowly, and quietly. I could see the storm building in the expanse of ocean that were her eyes. She tore her eyes from mine and looked down at her crossed ankles, silent for a moment.

”Someone saw us.” she said so quietly that I had to strain to hear.

”Saw you? Swimming?” I asked, confused.

”No.” she smiled at the memory. ”No, they saw us on the sh.o.r.e. We were, we were kissing.” She glanced at me quickly to see my reaction. With careful control I managed to keep my face expressionless. Now that I got her going, I was not going to let my petty jealousies get in the way again. When she saw that it was okay, she continued. ”Casey was naked. I only had my s.h.i.+rt off.” Suddenly she buried her face in her hands and groaned. ”Oh, Em,” her voice was m.u.f.fled. ”It was so embarra.s.sing.” She looked at me again.

”So, you and Casey were doing what we, well, you would kiss and stuff?” A slow blush traveled up her neck and stained her cheeks crimson.

”At first.” She gave me a lop-sided grin and raised a brow.

”At first?” I squeaked. I cleared my throat. I was silent as I waited for her to continue when it became painfully obvious that she wanted me to drag it out of her. Did I really want to hear this? Curiosity got the best of me. ”So um, what else did you do?”

”G.o.d, what didn't we do?” It was my turn to blush. I swallowed reflexively and stared into the water for a moment before I could face her. When she had my full attention again, Beth continued her story. ”Casey would use her tongue, and she would start sucking, then with her fingers-”

”Fingers?” I interrupted. My brows drawn in confusion. ”Why would she use her fingers to kiss your mouth?” Beth grinned.

”Who said anything about my mouth?” I sucked in my breath as realization dawned on me. With an audible gulp I s.h.i.+vered. Beth grinned wildly at my reaction. As my mind began to form a mental picture, I was startled to feel a wave of heat crash against my lower stomach like a tidal wave into the sh.o.r.e. The wave spread south as Beth continued. ”She would rub my b.r.e.a.s.t.s with her fingers, and the palms of her hands. I had no idea that they were so sensitive! And then when she'd use her mouth-”

I shut out Beth's rambling as my mind began to reel. My mother's voice echoed through my head, ”Two men who love each other physically are called gay, and two women who love each other physically are called lesbians.....”

”....at first she started using just one finger, but then.....”

”Hey! It's Beth the lesbian! Hey, my dog's in heat, ya interested?” I heard the boy at school's voice ring through my ears....

”Oh, Em. It felt so good. I couldn't walk for a....”

”They're a bunch of sickos is what they are.....”

”....is coming here next week.”

”What?” I asked, my head snapping to look at Beth. My thoughts and reverie were shattered in a million pieces. ”What did you say?”

”Jeez, girl. Where did you go?” Beth grinned at me. ”I said that Casey is coming here next week before we start school.”

”Oh.” I felt my stomach drop around my knees.

”I can't wait. Everything happened so fast that we didn't even get to say good-bye. I really want you to meet Casey. She's great. Can you do something with us? Maybe we could all catch a movie or something.” Beth looked at me, her eyes hopeful and alive.

”I don't know. Darla and I have plans next week.” I regretted the lie as soon as it flew from my mouth, and I cringed when I saw the hurt spread across Beth's face.

”Oh. Em, it's only one day, an afternoon. A couple of hours.”

”What, a couple of hours is all you want me around for?” I pouted. I knew I was being childish, but could not help myself. Whoever said jealousy kills the soul was a very wise person indeed.