Part 2 (1/2)

”Thanks, Beth. Wasn't one of my favorites anyway.”

”Be grateful. At least I didn't blow my nose.” I grinned down at her, swept her hair behind her ears. She pushed the thin material away from my stomach and examined the white skin beneath. I could feel her warm breath as she traced small circles above my belly b.u.t.ton with her finger tips.

”Find anything interesting?” I asked, curiosity keeping me in check.

”Just like a baby's b.u.t.t.” she smiled, patting the skin of my stomach. She lifted her head and stared down at her hand as she flattened the palm against one side of my rib cage. ”Isn't it incredible how there are so many strange little curves and b.u.mps on a woman's body?” she traced the center line of my stomach up to where the fabric of my s.h.i.+rt began just below my burgeoning b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

”I guess I've never given it much thought.” I said, feeling unsure about Beth's explorations, and feeling naked in my uncertainty.

”Hm.” she said absently, then sat up and pulled my s.h.i.+rt back into place. ”Let's go down to the Soda Jerk and get some ice cream.” I stared at her as she jumped off the bed and began to pull her hair back into a pony tail, the black hairband clamped between her teeth, her weight s.h.i.+fting from one foot to the other. My eyes narrowed as I watched her. This was her habit when she was nervous. I slowly stood, my legs shaking.

”Sounds good.” I said, silently letting out the breath that I had been holding.

The late September chill of New York was pushed away by the fire that Rebecca had built for our after dinner coffee. This had become a tradition we hadn't realized we'd started until a couple of years ago when one night we didn't do it, and we both realized how much we missed it. I lay on the couch with my legs resting on Rebecca's lap, and stared at the strange shadow that danced on the walls from the trance-like light the fore threw.

”So, Beth's parents split when she was thirteen?” she asked, her hands caressing my calves and ankles.

”Yup. Thirteen. Actually, that was when they divorced. They had decided to separate the year before.” I let out a sigh and took a sip of my mocha fudge coffee and looked up at the ceiling. ”We were on summer break, soon to be going into seventh or eighth grade. I don't remember which one now. I think eighth.”

”How old were you?”

”I was just a couple months shy of turning fourteen.”

”Why didn't you tell me any of this before, Emily?” Rebecca asked as she sipped her coffee. I looked at her for a moment as I thought of an answer. Why hadn't I?

I told you she was in that play we saw. I pointed her out to you.”

”You did, but only in pa.s.sing. You never really told me who she was except for someone you used to know. I remember exactly what you said, in fact. We were sitting there in the dark theater, and when she came on stage you said, you see that girl playing Pippa? I used to know her.”

I smiled. ”Well, yeah but,” Rebecca patted my leg to shut me up.

”Yeah but, nothing. I'm not mad at you, sweetie. I just want to know, that's all. I want to know about someone who has meant this much to you. I want you to share this with me.”

”Okay.” I sat up and kissed her lightly on the lips and caressed the side of her face with my fingertips, then laid back down. To be honest, I don't know why I didn't tell you. I guess because it was so long ago, and it really doesn't matter anymore.”

”Emily, if it didn't matter then Beth's pa.s.sing would not be affecting you as much as it is.” she looked at me in the way that she always did when she knew I was full of it. I smiled to myself. Kind of reminded me of how my mother used to look at me.

”We used to do everything together.” I said quietly. I looked at Rebecca and smiled, then found myself looking past her, through her to all the adventures we shared together.

After Beth's parents divorced we became even closer than we had been, if that was possible. Any other friends either of us had at school became secondary, some disappearing altogether from the world we created for the two of us. Every weekend she spent the night at my house, or on the rare occasion when her mother would allow it, we stayed at her house. Beth was heavily into the theater and acting by that time. She would come up with short one-act plays or scenarios for us to act out.

In the beginning she had to use some pretty heavy powers of persuasion to get me to partic.i.p.ate, but then I got into them as much as she did. I could remember one of them where she was a shy, James Dean type character, and I was a beautiful girl he had seen on the street, and just had to have. Halfway through I stopped her, her bold written script in my hand.

”Beth, why do you always have to play a guy?” I plopped myself down on my bed, untying the scarf from around my neck that was a ”prop”, and I had stolen from my mother's closet. Beth grabbed the end of it and tried to pull it out of my hands.

”No!” I slapped her hand. ”Mine.”

”Why, do you want to be the guy?” she said with one of her crooked smiles.

”No!” I exclaimed. ”But why do you have to be?”

”Well, someone has to be. You see, Em, to be a good actor you have to be able to embody other types that just aren't like you in life.” she ran her hands down either side of her head to re-slick the water slicked hair. More ”props”.

I chuckled. ”What text book did you read that out of? So why don't you ever play a girl, then?” I said slyly. She looked at me through her long bangs.

”Very funny. I already play one of those in life. I don't want to type-cast myself already. The acting world does that enough.” she threw herself down on the bed and stretched out beside me on her stomach. She rested her chin on her hands and stared at my headboard. I laid back and stared up at the ceiling. I noticed the small spot in the corner where the roof had leaked three years ago. We both were quiet, the only sound coming from the tick of my alarm clock on the tall dresser across from the bed. Soon after I thought the ticking of the clock matched my heartbeat. My heart jumped as the bed squeaked as Beth changed positions to get closer to me. I looked over at her to find her laying on her side, her head resting on her hand, looking down at me. She didn't say anything, just looked. I began to feel like a lab rat. A strange heat was making its way up from my feet to my head. I found it hard to breath, my mid-section tingling.

”What?” I asked, slight irritation marking my voice for being made to feel uncomfortable. Or was it vulnerable?

”Nothing. I'm just looking at you. Am I not allowed to look at you?” Beth asked, sounding hurt.

”Yeah, but why would you want to? I look the same today as I did yesterday and the day before that!” I sat up and stood from the bed. Beth followed my movements, surprise filling her eyes. ”You are so weird sometimes. Jeez.” I walked over to my dresser and began to rearrange my small collection of unicorns. Why was I getting so upset?

I looked at my reflection in the dresser mirror. My shoulders were tight, almost like I was ready to ounce. Surprised I relaxed them, the tension flowing out. I looked at my face, my mouth shut tight, brows drawn in stubborn anger. I looked at Beth through the mirror. She still laid on the bed, having rolled back on her stomach. She was facing the opposite direction, her legs bent at the knee, crossed at the ankles, and slowly swinging up and down in a hypnotic rhythm. I could get lost in that rhythm. She was resting on her elbows looking at something in her hands. Through the thin material of her s.h.i.+rt I could see the sharp edges of her shoulder blades. It reminded me of the sleek back of a tiger as it sneaked up on its prey.

”What are you playing with?” I asked, my voice quiet from guilt. Beth cleared her throat, but did not look at me.

”Later in the script I'm supposed to give this to you.” she half turned and showed me what she held. It was a small gold plastic band. ”Remember I propose?”

”Yeah.” I said quietly and sat next to her. I took the ring and looked at it, turning it over n my hand. I smiled at her. ”It's so sudden, Beth. I thought we'd at least live together first.” she laughed. I slid the ring on the ring finger of my left hand. It was a bit lose, but it would work.

”Well, honey, if I ain't even allowed ta look at ya, how do you ever s'pect us ta git married?” she said in one of her southern hillbilly accents.

”Beth, I'm sorry! I don't know why I got so mad.” Beth had moved onto her side, and I snuggled up next to her, tucking my head in her neck. She wrapped her arms around me, and held me. I could hear her heartbeat racing in her chest, her breathing getting faster. Off in the distance I thought I heard the doorbell.

”I wonder who that is? Probably Aunt Kitty. She is supposed to come over today.”

”Don't know. Maybe. Your mom and her are pretty close, aren't they?” Beth breathed. She ran her hand down my back, rubbing any remaining tension out, turning me into jelly. I could only nod. Her hand slid to the hem of my s.h.i.+rt, and her hand slipped underneath. The warmth of her skin felt so good I didn't stop her. I didn't want her to stop. She ran her hand up my spine, then back to my waist, then a bit further over to my side, then around my ribs.

After her hand pa.s.sed over an area, I could still feel its heat. A burning feeling started in my lower stomach and spread. I could feel my chest tighten. A voice inside my head was confused, and wasn't sure what Beth was doing, but surely it could not be anything other than a ma.s.sage to comfort me, could it?

I closed my eyes as her hand reached the underwire of my bra that covered the mounds of my newly formed b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Her fingers stilled, hand stopped in its tracks, almost as if she was not sure what she was doing, and was surprised to find herself there.

With my head tucked down I could not see her face. I wished I could have been able to read her eyes. Beth was like an open book to me. Suddenly my skin felt cold as she removed her hand out form under my s.h.i.+rt. I didn't say anything, and stayed how I was. We laid there for a moment when there was a knock at my bedroom door. We both froze.

”Emmy? Are you two in there, honey?” my mom said from the other side.

”Yeah.” I said, still in Beth's arms.

The doork.n.o.b rattled. ”Open the door, honey.” I rolled away from Beth and stood, my legs unsteady as I walked over and unlocked and opened my door just wide enough to look at her.

”Why did you lock your door?” I just stared at her expectantly. ”You girls were so quiet I didn't even know if you were still here or not..” she smiled. I just looked at her, impatient, yet grateful for the interruption. ”That Newman girl came by. She wanted to know if you wanted to go out and do something. I didn't know if you were here or not, so I told her you girls would go and get her when you got back.”

”Mom! We don't want to play with Darla Newman!” I exclaimed. We didn't want to play with anyone.

”Now, Emily I know that you two have an incredibly busy schedule, but Darla Newman is new here, and she has no friends. There is no reason why you and Beth can't go out and play for awhile.”

”Mom-!”

”It's not for the rest of your life, Emily. Just a couple of hours.”