Part 30 (1/2)
What is that which every one frequently holds yet rarely touches? His tongue.
What is a good way to make money fast? Put it in a safety deposit box.
Why is one who uses hair dye like a suicide? Because he dies by his own hand.
Why are frames put about tomato plants? To make the tomato ketchup (catch up).
Why should wire be used to train string beans? So that they may not be too stringy.
Why is a proposal like the first conviction for drunkenness? Because it is a short sentence which generally leads to a long one.
What kind of a pen does the plagiarist use? Steel.
If an uncle's sister is not your aunt, what relation does she bear to you? Your mother.
Of what profession is every child? A player.
Why is Troy weight like an unconscientious person? Because it has no scruples.
Which is heavier, the half or the full moon? The half, because the full moon is as light again.
Why must a fisherman be very wealthy? Because his is all net profit.
When is a boat like a heap of snow? When it is a-drift.
What 'bus has found room for the greatest number of people?
Colum-bus.
Why is an alligator the most deceitful of animals? Because he shows an open countenance in the act of taking you in.
When may a man be said to be really over head and ears in debt? When he hasn't paid for his wig.
What is the difference between the Prince of Wales, an orphan, a bald-headed man, and a gorilla? The first is an heir apparent, the second has ne'er a parent, the third has no hair apparent, and the fourth has a hairy parent.
When does a son not take after his father? When his father leaves him nothing to take.
Why are poor relations like fits of the gout? Because the oftener they come the longer they stay.
Why is the game of Blindman's Buff like sympathy? Because it is a fellow feeling for another.
When could you eat a lady's hand? When it is a warm m.u.f.f in.
Just state the difference between an auction and sea-sickness. One is a sale of effects, the other the effects of a sail.
Why does a man who has been all his life a woodcutter, never come home to dinner? Because he's not only bred (bread) there, but he's always a chop in (a-choppin') the wood.
What is the difference between a soldier and a fisherman? One bayonets, the other nets a bay.
What musical instrument invites you to fish? Cast-a-net (castanet).
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy? One baits his hook, the other hates his book.