Part Ix Part 151 (1/2)
A woman posts an ad in the newspaper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, ”Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.”
So the lady says, ”What makes you think you are great in bed?”
Bob replies, ”I rang the door bell didn't I?”
Nudist Colony.
A man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A 6 foot blond walks by him; the man gets a hard-on.
Blond: ”Sir, did you call for me?”
New Man: ”No, I just got here.”
Blond: ”You must be new here, it's a rule when I give you a hard-on, it implies you called for me.”
The blond lays down and lets the man screw her. The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge man comes toward him.
Huge Man: ”Sir, did you call for me?”
New Man: ”No, I just got here.”
Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, it implies you called for me.”
The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him. The new man rushes back to the receptionist...
New Man: ”Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500.”
Receptionist: ”But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities....”
New Man: (Rudely interrupting) ”Listen lady, I am 45 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks.”
Old Town.
I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still existed in the eighties. A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually said ”General Store”, and that was it.
There was a little old man sitting in front of the store in a rocking chair. I said to him, ”What do you folks do around here?”
He said, ”We don't do nothin' but hunt n' f.u.c.k.”
I said, ”What do you hunt?”
He said, ”Somethin' to f.u.c.k.”
One More and I'll Have...
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting.
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, ”I Have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team.”
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, ”That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team.”
To which the Mormon replied, ”You fellas haven't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course.”
Perfect Girl.
A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married ?
Replied the gentleman, ”Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl.”
”Oh, come on now,” said the friend, ”Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”