Part Ix Part 142 (1/2)

BEER doesn't need much closet s.p.a.ce.

BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.

BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.

BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.

BEER never changes its mind.

BEER doesn't tease you or play hard to get.

BEER never asks you to change the station.

BEER doesn't make you go shopping.

BEER doesn't tell you to mow the gra.s.s.

BEER doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.

BEER is always easy to pick up.

Big, fat BEERS are nice to have.

BEER doesn't pout or play games.

BEER NEVER says no.

BEER is easy to get into.

BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.

BEER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other BEERS BEER doesn't wear a bra.

BEER doesn't mind getting dirty.

BEER doesn't complain about insensitivity.

BEER doesn't use up your toilet paper.

BEER doesn't live with its mother.

BEER doesn't blow you off.

BEER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.

BEER doesn't b.i.t.c.h, yell, or cry.

BEER doesn't mind football season.

A BEER won't make you go to church.

A BEER is more likely to know how to spell ”carburetor” than a woman.

A BEER doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.

A BEER doesn't think DOS is p.r.o.nounced ”dose”.

A BEER doesn't care if you keep a bunch of other BEERS around.

A BEER will not insist that those stupid Michelin commercials with babies are ”cute”.

If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.

A BEER will not call you a s.e.xist pig if you say ”doberman” instead of ”doberperson”.

A BEER won't mind being next to you after 5 straight hours of working on your car.

A BEER won't claim that the Three Stooges are s.h.i.+theads.

A BEER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.

If you mention a ”three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8” around a BEER, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.

A BEER won't whine that seatbelts hurt.

A BEER won't smoke in your car.

A BEER won't argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.

A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.