Part Ix Part 135 (1/2)

”Well,” said the Prime Minister. ”The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it says in your files that you know COBOL...”.

Mars Babies.

The US finally sent the first manned s.p.a.ce mission to Mars. The s.p.a.cecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his s.p.a.ce suit and exited the s.p.a.cecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills.

He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. He walked up to the front door and found it open. He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.

After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth. She replied ” how do you do it on Earth?”

With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you how. After an hour of the wildest s.e.x he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette. She said, ” well where is the baby”. He said ” Oh that takes nine months ”. She replied ” well why did you stop stirring ”.

Misdirected E-Mail.

It's sometimes easy to forget how easily email technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the sc.r.a.p of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had pa.s.sed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband PS. Sure is hot down here.

New Computer.

COSTELLO GETS A COMPUTER Costello: Hey, Abbott!

Abbott: Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.

Abbott: That's great, Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.

Abbott: That's terrific, Lou.

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!

Abbott: You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I'm here to see you.

Abbott: Oh?

Costello: I heard that you're a real computer expert.

Abbott: Well, I don't know ...

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

Abbott: Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

Abbott: That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

Abbott: Well, first you press the Start b.u.t.ton, and then ...

Costello: No, I told you I want to turn it off.

Abbott: I know, you press the Start b.u.t.ton ...

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

Abbott: I did.