Part Ix Part 72 (1/2)

”Well, let's have a look,” he says as he lifts her up onto the table.

”Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am this won't hurt a bit.”

The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful antic.i.p.ation.

The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few minutes later. ”There you go, ma'am, try that.”

She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims, ”That's great, Doc, what did you do?!”

To which the doctor replied, ”I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain boots.”

Redneck Birth Control.

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, ”I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.

”1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... . ”, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Redneck Medical Terms.

ArteryThe study of paintings.

BenignWhat you be after you be eight.

BacteriaBack door to cafeteria.

BariumWhat doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean SectionA neighborhood in Rome.

CatscanSearching for Kitty.

CauterizeMade eye contact with her.

ColicA sheep dog.

ComaA punctuation mark.

D&CWhere Was.h.i.+ngton is.

DilateTo live long.

EnemaNot a friend.

FesterQuicker than someone else.

FibulaA small lie.

GenitalNon-Jewish person.

G.I.SeriesWorld Series of military baseball.

HangnailWhat you hang your coat on.

ImpotentDistinguished, well known.

Labor PainGetting hurt at work.