Part Ix Part 21 (1/2)
And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.
Clinton's Name in Snow.
President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is s.h.i.+ning, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered White House lawn and sees the words ”President Clinton sucks” written in pee in the snow.
Clinton gets all upset and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to know who did this.
The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real bad news.
”OK,” says Clinton, ”give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news.”
The Chief says: ”The good news is after taking a.n.a.lysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is.” Clinton nods and the Chief continues: ”The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore.”
This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad news.
The Chief of Security swallows and says, ”It's in Hillary's hand writing”.
Clinton's Out Jogging.
President Clinton went on his usual morning jog when he kept noticing a prost.i.tute standing on the same corner every day.
”Hey, there! How much?” he yells. She replies, ”$100!”
”But I never carry more than $20 on me at a time,” said the president.
”Sorry, honey,” the wh.o.r.e replied.
The next day he goes jogging again and again she is standing on the same corner.
”Hey, there, how much today?” the president asks. ”I told you $100!”
The president moved on.
The next day Hillary wanted to lose some flab on those fat thighs so she went along. As they came up on that same corner, the president noticed that the wh.o.r.e was there again and quickly turned his head towards Hillary to try to ignore her.
The wh.o.r.e sees our president and yells, ”Hey, you cheap b.a.s.t.a.r.d. See what you get for $20.”
Example of Tragedy.
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one cla.s.s, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a ”tragedy”.
One little boy stands up and offers, ”If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street, then a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
”No,” Clinton says, ”That would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand. ”If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved - that would be a tragedy.”
”I'm afraid not,” explains Clinton. ”That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. ”What?” asks Clinton. ”Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he speaks: ”If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy.”
”Wonderful!” Clinton beams. ”Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
”Well,” says Little Johnny, ”because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss”
Hillary Gets Pregnant.