Part Ix Part 3 (1/2)

First Aid Trained.

”How come you're late?” asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

”It was awful,” she explains. ”I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank G.o.d I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute.”

”What did you do?” asks the bartender.

”I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”

First b.l.o.w.j.o.b.

A guy walks into the bar and orders 9 shots of tequila. So the bartender pours nine shots and the man downs one after the other.

”Holy s.h.i.+t!” the bartender exclaims ”That the most tequila I've ever seen anyone drink that fast before - what's the occasion!?!”

”My first b.l.o.w. .j.o.b” the man announces quite plainly ”Well” the bartender replies ”let me buy you another!”

”Listen, if 9 doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, another one won't help

Good Bar.

Three friends are sitting around their favorite pub. The first guy says ”Hey guys, I know this other bar where you go in and every third drink that you order, you get the next one free. On top of that, about 1/4 of the time I go in there, I get laid.”

The second guy says, ”That's nothing! I know this bar where you get every other drink on the house, and I get laid there about 1/2 the times that I go in”

The third guy, unimpressed, says, ”h.e.l.l, I've got you both beat. I know of a place where you get every drink on the house and you get laid EVERY time you go in.”

The other two say, ”WOW! Where is it?”

The third guy responds, ”I don't know, my wife won't tell me.”

Had too much to Drink.

A drunken old man walked into a bar. He yells at the bartender, ”Bartender get me a tequila!”

The bartender gets him a tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then he looks around the bar and sees three large men at a table having some beers. He points at one of them and says. ”You! I have slept with your mother!” The man looks at the old man, then goes about drinking his beer.

Then the old man yells, ”Bartender! Get me another tequila!”

The bartender gets him another tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then he looks over at the three men. He points at another man and shouts, ”You! Your mother gives me a b.l.o.w. .j.o.b!” The second man looks at the old man, then goes about drinking his beer.

Then the old man yells, ”Bartender! Get me another tequila!”

This time the bartender says, ”No, old man, you have had enough.”

”Just one more!!” yells the old man.

So the bartender gets him one more tequila. The old man drinks it as fast as he can. Then looks at the three men. He points at the third man and shouts, ”You! I eat out your mother!” The third man looks at the old man then looks at the other two men.

All three of them get up and start walking over to the old man. Then they say, ”Come on dad, you have had too much to drink...”