Part I Part 28 (1/2)
”Doctor, help me please, I can hardly walk, my backside's killing me!”
”Mmm, bend over and we'll see what's wrong,” replied the doctor.
”Aah, I can see the problem, you've got a bunch of flowers stuck up there.”
”Thank goodness for that,” smiled the man. ”Is there a message with them?”
The doctor examined the wife's husband thoroughly before he turned to her and said, ”I'm sorry, I don't like the look of your husband.”
”Neither do I,” she replied, ”but at least he's useful around the house.”
”Doctor, doctor, please help me,” begged the man. ”I can't satisfy my wife, I think my p.e.n.i.s is too small.”
The doctor replied, ”I think we can do something about that.
Do you drink cider?”
”Yes.”
”Mmm, cider tends to keep it small. What you need to drink are bottles of stout. Try that for a month and then come back and see me.”
A month later, the man returned to the surgery looking very happy.
”Aah, I can see it worked, you're drinking the stout.”
”It's worked alright, the s.e.x is great now,” replied the man.
”But I don't drink the stout, I give it to the wife.”
A man goes to the surgery feeling sick, but the doctor is unable to diagnose what's wrong with him, so he takes some blood tests and tells him to return the following week.
However, he's too ill to leave the house so his wife goes along to get the results.
”Oh dear, oh dear,” says the doctor, shaking his head, ”it seems I have two patients by the name of Jack Brown, they've both had blood tests this week and the tests have been muddled up. It means your husband either has VD or Alzheimer's disease.”
The poor wife is very distressed.
”What shall I do?” she asks.
”Don't worry, it's quite simple,” replies the doctor. ”Take your husband on a long journey, go by bus and train, then leave him there and see if he can find his way home. If he does get home alright, then don't let him f.u.c.k you.”
A very small woman went to the doctor's complaining that her p.u.s.s.y hurt. After a thorough examination, the doctor looked puzzled.
”Does it hurt all the time?” he asked.
”Oh no, just when it's raining.”
”Okay, well, next time it's wet, come and see me.”
A few days later the woman turned up at the surgery and the doctor examined her again.
”Ah ha, now I see what the matter is. Nurse, hand me my scissors please.”
After a couple of minutes, the little woman stood up, overjoyed that the pain had gone.”
”What caused it?” she asked.
He replied, ”Your wellingtons were too high. Once I'd trimmed an inch off all round, the problem was solved.”
As the woman walked into the surgery, the doctor greeted her. ”h.e.l.lo, Mrs Smith, would you mind going over to the window and sticking your tongue out?”
”Why?”
”Because I can't stand the person living opposite.”
”Every time I sneeze, I have an o.r.g.a.s.m,” said the girl to her doctor.
”What do you take for it?” he asked.
”Pepper.”
”Doctor, doctor, please help me, I can't stop farting. The only good thing is, they don't smell.”
”Okay,” said the doctor, opening the window,” it will mean a small operation.”
”What! Will it be painful?”
”No, no, just an operation on your nose. Once we've cured that, we'll see to the other problem.”
A man is suffering very badly from severe headaches, dizziness and spots before the eyes.
”I'm sorry to say,” said the doctor, ”that you have got an infection in your t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es and unless you have them removed, the symptoms will spread.”