Part 10 (1/2)

Adrian chuckled quietly in the front seat. ”We definitely can't have that, can we, Mother?”

”No, sir. Menfolk try hard, you understand, but some are easy to stumble.”

Stumble? I stared down at my ankles, searching for the power to throw all mankind into the pit. Somehow, I just didn't see it. But I knew when to go along and when to fight. This was a time to go along.

Adrian laughed a little louder.

I jabbed the back of his seat.

”Go easy, baby. Don't be rough with the man yet. Save up something. Save up.” She nodded slightly, the silk orchids on her hat vibrating like a tuning fork.

I bit the inside of my cheek. Save up something. Wasn't that what I'd told my nephew all those weeks back, the day that Adrian crashed back into my world? I shook my head, wondering if the shards of myself I'd gathered on the altar almost four years ago were enough to offer anybody. Even me.

With a shrug, I settled back into my seat. What a morning. First, my brother shows up and now the few inches on my body that weren't riddled with cottage cheese were going to be a stimulant for our aging, or should I say aged, congregation.

Adrian pulled into a convenience store. ”Will this work?”

Mother Holly smiled. ”It'll do fine. Hope it wasn't any trouble.”

I rolled my eyes. Trouble? This old woman was the embodiment of trouble. She'd seemed so sweet inside the church...Mama was like that. No wonder they'd been friends.

”No trouble,” Adrian said. ”It's on the way.”

A slap hit my thigh. ”Give the man some money, hon.”

My head began to throb. ”I was just going to-get out and get them myself.”

Already outside of the car, Adrian pressed himself against my door, sporting a smile sure to be my undoing. ”Pantyhose, right? I got it.” He bit his lip and stared inside the car. ”Queen, off black?” He rubbed his chin. ”I guess nude could go with that, too.”

Queen? Did I have a sign on my forehead that read, ”I am a Did I have a sign on my forehead that read, ”I am a big big girl. I wear girl. I wear queen queen-size pantyhose. In case you hadn't guessed already?”

”Uh, no. Size B, coffee.”

Adrian choked. Well, no, more like chortled. ”O-kay. Coming right up.”

I spent the next few minutes listening to Mother Holly's tips on getting a man. When I tried to a.s.sure her that Adrian and I were just friends-were we?-and that I was not looking in the market for a mate, her response...?

”Anybody who comes out for church with naked legs is looking for a man.”

At that, I crossed my ankles and shut my mouth, trying to figure out how I was going to sing in a pair of off-color pantyhose a size too small. How did I get myself into these things?

With a poker face, Adrian emerged from the store and tossed me a bag, then backed out of the parking lot slowly, his arm behind the seat and his eyes more on me than the road.

I opened the bag only to find three pairs of pantyhose-coffee B, nude queen and off-black queen plus.

”I think that'll do it.” I bristled. Sandy had trained him too well.

”One more thing, young man. Can you turn left here and pick up my grandbaby, around the corner from me, on MLK?”

I opened a channel to G.o.d with the quickness. But not quick enough.

Adrian wrenched the steering wheel in a sharp left. ”Uh, sure.”

”Stop here,” she said pointing over Adrian's shoulder at an aging townhouse. She reached around his shoulder and mashed the horn. And I was the one being fast by forgetting my hose?

I froze, watching as the matriarch settled back into her seat, then dug in her purse for a mint. ”Have one?” she asked in a sweet voice. I shook my head, steeling myself for further humiliation.

Adrian shrugged and I went back to staring, this time across the street at a house with snow-covered bushes trimmed into the shape of horses. Now that was just sad. Here I was working seventy hours a week to break even and somebody had time to make equestrian scenes in their front yard? Even in winter? Something was seriously- ”I thought you weren't coming, Nana.”

A buxom teen with blond highlights somehow matted to her head jumped into the car. Literally. I thought I'd imagined the car bouncing, but the way Mother Holly gripped the back of Adrian's seat, I knew it was for real. ”Hi,” the girl said, turning to Adrian. ”What took you so long?”

He stared at me, then answered our latest pa.s.senger, so familiar with people she'd never met. ”Pantyhose. From Russell's.”

Sporting a pink purse Bible and matching lipstick, the girl turned and shoved her pudgy hand in my direction.

”The Ebony Mama line? Those things are horrible. They don't have anything for all this.” She ran her French manicured nails down the full-figured body that matched her face.

Adrian gunned the gas pedal while Mother Holly sat beside me smiling the maddeningly innocent smile she'd displayed all those times in church. She was definitely back in Grandma mode. Was this a bad dream? I shook myself, but that only left me dizzy.

Mother Holly struggled to get her skirt up, revealing a lump of nylon around her more than ample thigh. ”Knee-highs are good enough. When them other hose tear up, just cut them off and tie a knot-”

”Uh-huh,” her granddaughter said. ”We get the picture.” And what a horrible picture it was. No wonder she was against showing skin. Whew! I checked the time. Ten twenty. In ten minutes I'd be singing...in size B hose.

The chunky young chatterbox kept going as we rolled into the church parking lot. I wondered if Adrian's ear would catch on fire. ”Did you get queen plus? You have to go one up. You know those things are made to fit a midget.”

A curious smile broke out across Adrian's face. ”She got size B.”

The girl's head jerked around as she scrutinized me. ”B? Oh, my. Whatever floats your boat.”

Her hair poked me in the eye, but I decided against mentioning it. Mother Holly tapped the back of her granddaughter's seat. ”Watch that wig now, sweetie. You like to have blinded her.”

Shemika, Jamaica or whatever she'd just said her crazy name was, went on to explain that she wasn't wearing a wig, but a stocking cap with human hair glued to it that she'd designed herself. I could fit B hose if I walked real slow, but she was stuck with that hair hat for the entire service. It looked like a dead animal.

The church loomed on our right like a safe haven. At this point, I'd do just about anything to get out of this car. Adrian must have felt the same way, because he set a world record for parking in our church lot, where no s.p.a.ces can ever be found. From the look on his face, Adrian might have just driven on top of someone's car if someone who'd stayed behind at the early service to chat hadn't pulled out and provided a spot.

The girl pried herself out of the pa.s.senger door. Mother Holly's purse had blocked my view when the girl got in the car, but now I saw it all. Some of her rolls had rolls.

I am so going back to Weight Watchers.

”Thanks for the ride. It was nice meeting y'all.” She turned to me. ”If you squeeze into those hose, make sure you soak when you get home, 'cause that's gonna hurt.”

”Watch it now. My knees ain't that good, you know. I might fall right off this pew.” Mother Holly fidgeted beside me as if I'd been the one grinding my knees into her for the past hour. I mustered a smile and received a note from the older woman's granddaughter.

Your boyfriend is cute. And you're not that fat. Do you think y'all will get married? He smells good and looks like he's got bling. No hair though. Can you work with that?

I sighed, thankful when Mother Holly s.n.a.t.c.hed the paper and tucked it into her purse. Money or hair wasn't the issue. There were other things to consider....