Part 23 (1/2)

You should have trusted me.

I was tempted a hundred times to come to you and confess. Then I would think, to what purpose? I could only bring you trouble, Ethan. In the end, I felt you deserved better in a wife.

Ethan brought his fist down on the floor, making me jump with the force of its crash. That was my choice. I loved you, Elianna! Loved you more than my own life. You ripped my heart out with your decision.

And my own! But you are alive. You have enjoyed a good life. You married an excellent woman. You have a beautiful daughter. With me, you could have had none of those blessings.

His eyes captured mine. In the lamplight they looked very dark, glittering with emotion. I never stopped loving you. Even when I thought I hated you, the love was there, just under the surface.

I wiped a tear. Another escaped. You were good to me, Ethan. The quiet divorce, your decision to speak no ill of me in public. And you sent Viriato to me. I was grateful for the many considerations you showed me, given what you thought I had done at the time.

You must have been so lonely. Did you ever tell anyone?

Only Gamaliel, after my father died.

You told Gamaliel? What did he say?

He surprised me with his gentleness. A few years ago, I saw him again; he prayed for me. That I might be healed. For Joanna, too. I told Ethan about Joannas longing to have a child. I knew she would not mind Ethan knowing.

What of Calvus? Has he shown up again since the night t.i.tus threw him out?

To my great relief, he has not. Ethan, you will not go anywhere near him? Please?

After the sacrifice you made to keep Viriato and me safe from that man, I could not bring myself to touch a hair on his head. You have cured me of all desire for revenge.

I smiled. I knew G.o.d would use me to build your character.

The wind was strong that night. It beat against the lattice of the windows, whistling its fierce tune and blowing dust inside. I wonder where Keziah is. She left to fetch water. That was an age ago. I pray she is not caught in this weather. I started to feel uneasy over her safety.

Ethan pulled on his ear. I might have something to do with that.

I glared at him. I take back what I said about your character. Clearly it needs a lot more building. You involved my maid in an intrigue behind my back?

He shrugged his shoulder. I wanted to see you alone. We had too many things to discuss that required privacy.

And when is she returning?

Do you miss her? I thought I might be a good subst.i.tute.

My belly flipped. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I was unclean. There could be no future for us. He wasnt my Ethan anymore. Tell me about your daughter. Viriato sings her praises.

A look of tenderness transformed Ethans rugged features. She is eight now. She can read and write.

You taught her?

He shrugged. She pestered me until I did. It was hard on her when we lost Sarai. In the absence of a mother, she has grown deeply attached to my parents. But she is closest to me. She wants to do everything I do.

I laughed. That must be a sight.

He gave a sheepish smile. It warms my heart, seeing her follow me around. She has been the greatest joy of my life.

I am glad you have her. I pray for you both every day.

His eyes clouded. Do you, Elianna?

The air seemed to grow heavy so I could barely breathe. To break the tension, I threw my hands up in the air, pretending a lightheartedness I was far from feeling. I have a lot of free time. Which reminds me, you sly man, how is the workshop?

Do you mind that it belongs to me and Viriato now?

It was the best news I had heard in years when Viriato told me about it. I could not imagine a better outcome. You were too generous with me. Without your lavish payment for my fathers business, I would not have been able to survive.

I paid only what was fair. He looked around him, taking in the old furniture, the bare floors, the undecorated walls. Physicians cost a lot of money, as I recall from the days Sarai became sick.

Yes.

Do you need help, Elianna? You know I would”

Thank you, Ethan. I am well provided for.

He frowned and grew silent for a moment. I could sense he had not let go of the subject, but was merely working on broaching it in a more compelling way. I didnt want him to offer me financial help. It grated on my pride. I did not wish to become the object of his charity or pity.

It grows late. You had better be on your way, Ethan. The neighbors disapprove of me already. What with a centurion in full uniform, as well as a Roman praetor and his pack of soldiers at my door not long ago, they wont have much patience for an unaccompanied man and no chaperone here in the dead of night.

Ethan cut through my diatribe and picked out the relevant point. Why do your neighbors disapprove of you?

I am unclean. I lifted my chin as I spoke to show that their scorn did not bother me.

Ethans cheeks turned a dull red. Are they cruel to you?

They keep to themselves. Its of no account. I have little interest in them.

Elianna, please let me help you.

No.

He let out a deep breath. His eyes had narrowed to slits. I had seen that look before. I tried to remember when, but could not. Without further objection, he rose to his feet. The Lord bless you.

As he left, pulling the door softly closed behind him, I had a sudden recollection of when I had seen that same odd look cross his face. It was the day his new horse had thrown him. He had gotten that narrow-eyed look before getting on the back of that wild creature and taming it into an obedient, biddable slave.

TWENTY-EIGHT.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

PROVERBS 13:12, NLT.

DESPAIR IS AN INVITATION to prayer. You can either sink or pray when it lodges at your door. I had arrived once again at the point of despair, and this time, I sank. I had no money. What remained of my inheritance would pay for a month of food and lodgings if we were careful and augmented it with my meager income from the sale of my homespun fabrics. I had prayed for G.o.ds provision so many times, yet nothing seemed to change. I only became poorer and more desperate. One morning I stopped praying and decided I needed to take action instead.