Part 13 (1/2)
”How are you taking to the life down here? Do you like it?” he asked, as they started off together.
”I don't quite know,” Sally said with a frank smile. ”At first it was delightful--a new experience,--but the novelty is wearing off. And Paul said this morning that we were both of us fish out of water; that he must stay here, at any rate for the present, but that I might please myself.”
”And what particular pond do you want to swim in?”
”London. And that's not to be described as a pond, is it? but rather a great, strong river. You see, down here, there is literally nothing to do.”
”Plenty, if you choose to do it,” replied Mr. Curzon, quietly.
Sally shook her head. ”You would only want workers of your own way of thinking.”
”I should prefer them, certainly; if by _my_ way of thinking you mean the Church to which I belong--to which you belong also, I expect.”
”Only by name. I was baptized, but I've not been brought up on church lines. I've been allowed to think for myself, and judge the truth for myself. Paul says that that is the only truth worth believing.”
”It still leaves you finally dependent on other people's judgment, does it not? In your case, I should say, your views unconsciously are moulded entirely by your brother.”
”But it is so with every one more or less!” retorted Sally, quickly.
”You've got your ideas, either from the people who have influenced you the most, or the books you have read.”
”Quite so. The books that have influenced me most largely are those contained in the Bible; but the only person upon whose judgment and character I find I can wholly rely, is the Lord Himself. An old-fas.h.i.+oned belief, you will say, but I find it practically true.”
”But Paul says the only facts based on history in the Gospels are that Christ lived and died a martyr to his opinions,” said Sally.
”So many men say nowadays. If so, it is curious that faith in the Name of a Jew who died nearly two thousand years ago, is still able to work moral miracles in hundreds and thousands of lives in the present day; that men and women, tied and bound with the chain of their sins, looking to Him and asking help, can rise and walk in the glorious liberty of the sons of G.o.d. When I see that, as, thank G.o.d, I have seen it, I feel I have a reason for the faith that is in me, that Jesus is, as He claims to be, the Son of G.o.d; that it was no idle boast on His part that He would give His Spirit to those that seek it.”
Sally caught her breath. There was no doubting the sincerity of the speaker, but the very simplicity of the teaching was an argument against accepting it.
”Well, of course, you as a clergyman have to do with people's morals,”
she said hurriedly; ”but the bodily wretchedness and misery of hundreds and thousands of people in London and other big places appeals more to me. I feel it's not a bit of good telling them to be good in this world, and they will be happy in the next, whilst they have bad houses to live in, and bad food to eat, and insufficient wages, and never a ray of brightness in their lives. To stay down here and potter about amongst a few children and sick people seems such a small thing to do, when one might help to set any one of these great wrongs right.”
She pulled herself up, and broke into a peal of laughter.
”I'm talking of things that I dare say you will think I don't understand,” she said; ”but Paul has interested me in them, and I had thought, if I went on studying, I might some day work and speak about them. Lots of women do.”
”And why not? One of the best speakers I ever heard was a woman.”
”I thought you would be sure to hate the notion.”
”Why should I, unless----”
”Unless what?”
”You should speak any word against the Master whom I serve,” said the rector. ”On philanthropic subjects I could go with you heart and soul.”
”I would not speak on a subject of which I know nothing,” said Sally, eagerly. ”I've told you that I am only a seeker after truth, picking up a sc.r.a.p here and there as I can find it.”
”And you will reach the truth after a time,” said Mr. Curzon, holding out his hand, ”if you are ready to acknowledge a Power higher than yourself, to Whom you may safely appeal to guide you to all truth.
Without that, you will grope along in the darkness.”