Part 19 (2/2)
”Sweet health again returns, which, considering the agitation of my mind, surprises me; but it is the Lord's pleasure. I did not wish to recover. I was in hopes the Lord was about to deliver me from 'this body of sin and death.' Lord, reconcile me to thy most holy will.
Health is certainly a great blessing. I feel its sweetness. O make me thankful. Great and numerous are my mercies. Every thing pleasant and every thing necessary to life, to G.o.dliness, is mine: food and raiment to the utmost desires of nature; the beauties of thy fair creation surround my ordinary dwelling; my dear little room, my Bible, and books of every virtuous kind--by grace, thy chief mercy, I desire no other--and by the kindness of my children, I possess all as if they were my own personal property. By thy wonderful loving-kindness, thou hast given me, instead of the contempt which I have merited, the love and esteem of thy people, and thou hast made the very stones of the field to be at peace with me, so that wherever I go I meet with kindness.”
To Mrs. Marshall.
”NEW YORK, October, 1809.
”I find your letter dated 'Elderslie'--the very name gives a thrill to my old heart; in a moment the various scenes of my youthful days rise before me--the old mansion itself, and all its beloved inmates, every one of whom have now crossed the Jordan of death, leaving me a solitary wanderer in this weary wilderness. Ah, I can at this moment think of spots, by the burnside and the braeside, endeared to my heart by a thousand tender a.s.sociations. There have I wandered with my beloved, idolized husband, and there has he delighted my heart with professions of love. These were indeed moments of ecstasy; but hush, there are you a widow with very, very different sensations, and here am I a widow with sensations equally different. The Lord has showed us many and sore adversities, but he will bring us up from the deeps below; we are much nearer our Father's house, and I hope proportionably riper for those joys which are at his right hand; and although your letter has brought some pleasing recollections to my mind--days of love and courts.h.i.+p, days, some of solitude, some of disappointment, some of ecstasy--yet I find they were all days of idolatry, therefore to be mourned over, not retasted, reenjoyed with delight. No, no; Father, forgive me.”
CHAPTER X.
NEW YORK BIBLE SOCIETY--a.s.sOCIATIONS FOR PRAYER--HAPPY OLD AGE--LETTERS.
”In December, 1809, a Bible Society was organized in New York, and about the same time twenty respectable persons united in a society, to wait on the Lord, to know what their hands could find to do to promote his glory, to advance his kingdom, to spread the savor of the Redeemer's name, or in any way to benefit the souls of their fellow-sinners.
”On Monday a meeting for prayer was inst.i.tuted in Hetty-street, and another in Mulberry-street, with which the Presbyterian ministers have agreed to meet in rotation. It is the Lord. We have heard of revivals all around, but feared lest the aggravated sins of New York might provoke the Lord to pa.s.s by, leaving our fleece dry, while the dew wet all around. Great have been our privileges; the gospel trumpet has sounded in every corner of our city. The Lord's servants have set before us life and death, a.s.suring us, from G.o.d's word, that 'though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not go unpunished;' beseeching us to flee from the wrath to come, and lay hold on the hope set before us. G.o.d in his providence has visited us with mercies and with judgments: stricken us, and healed us; scattered us, and gathered us: but alas, alas, we were 'eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage.' Many, very many, wasting their time, health, and substance, in all manner of immorality, and our rulers caring for none of these things; yea, many of them practising the same things; and Oh, G.o.d's own saved people sitting still, restraining testimony before men and prayer before G.o.d. What were we to expect but that G.o.d should say, Why should they be stricken any more? they will revolt more and more: they are joined to idols; let them alone. Such, O Lord, would be the case didst thou not deliver us out of our own self-destroying snares. If thou turn us not, we shall never turn; it is in our nature to backslide for ever.
”But is not the time come to pa.s.s when before thy people call thou answerest, and while they are yet speaking, thou hearest? Art thou not calling with power, 'Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings?' and hast thou not prepared their hearts to answer, Behold, we come unto thee, for thou art the Lord our G.o.d?
truly, in vain is salvation looked for from the hills, and from the mult.i.tude of mountains; truly, from the Lord our G.o.d is the salvation of Israel. Hast thou not, O G.o.d, prepared the hearts of thy people to pray, and thine ear to hear? Is not this Bible Society, and are not these a.s.sociations for prayer, tokens from thee for good? More and more, Lord, may thy people give thee no rest, until thou make Zion a praise in the earth. O the Hope of Israel, and the Saviour thereof, be not as a wayfaring man, that turneth aside for a night. May thy people constrain thee to abide with us for ever, to form us a people for thyself, to show forth thy praise.
”I have just conveyed dear Mrs. A----le to the confines of the eternal world. I trust the dear Redeemer received her spirit. I have a good hope that she is now in possession of the mansion purchased and prepared for her by that dear Saviour whose name she professed, and I think, in an humble, steady, quiet way, faithfully followed. She loved the word of G.o.d, the house of G.o.d, the people of G.o.d. She spoke little, but said she had a good hope: asked me to read the Bible different times, and also to pray; said the invitations of the gospel were sweet to her: observed that the Lord had been very merciful to her in her affliction.
”A few hours before her death she desired me to read that hymn,
”'To him that loved the souls of men,' etc,
Also,
”'Come, let us join our cheerful songs,' etc.
She asked if I thought she would continue long. I said, No, my dear, you will very soon be with Jesus; and encouraged her as the Lord enabled me. She repeated the question some time after, and I gave her the same answer. She then said, 'This night?' I answered, Yes, my love, this night. She bowed her head with a sweet smile, laid it in a reclining posture, and set herself to wait with patience the Lord's time. She was very much oppressed, and breathed with much difficulty.
Some time after she asked me to pray, which I did, and begged that the Lord would increase her faith and patience, and, if according to his will, give her a gentle pa.s.sage and an abundant entrance. In a short time her breathing became short and low; she shut her eyes and gently breathed weaker and weaker, till her G.o.d delivered her without motion or groan. I was on my knees praying. I then thanked G.o.d for his goodness in this sweet dismission; prayed for the husband, the children, the two young men present, and us all, gave glory to G.o.d, and rose to watch to future duty.
”O my G.o.d, is not my own death at hand? It is a hard battle. My Jesus, thou knowest the struggle. I too must drink of this cup; mix it for me, my Redeemer. O let a full sense of free pardon, the recollection of the great and precious promises, a bright view of the joys at G.o.d's right hand, as the fruit of thy death, be applied to my soul in that awful hour. Holy Spirit, pour in the oil and wine of thy consolations in that trying hour. O let me not be straitened. Open wide to my soul the leaves of that well-ordered covenant, of which Christ himself is the sum and substance. Redeeming G.o.d, may I experience proof in that solemn hour, that 'thy flesh is meat indeed, and thy blood is drink indeed.' O feed me with this living food; may I feel life spring up in my soul, and be a.s.sured that I shall 'never die.' O my G.o.d, grant one more request. Open my lips, and let them, as well as my heart, be filled with the high praises of my redeeming G.o.d.
”I know I am unworthy; the vilest of the vile; but magnify thy grace. I have much forgiven; O let my heart burn with love and grat.i.tude in that hour, and my lips utter its effusions in songs of praise. Amen.
”When the short thick breathing comes, and the slow fetches, sealing up speech and expelling the spirit from its abode, O let me hear or understand thee saying unto me, 'It is I, be not afraid.'”
”JANUARY, 1810.
”'Come and let us return unto the Lord, for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up. After two days will he revive us, in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight.'
”O Lord, turn us and we shall be turned, draw us and we will run after thee. Revive us, and we shall live in thy sight. Thou must ever be first. It is in our nature to backslide for ever: and whenever we see a backslider restored, or a rebel lay down the weapons of rebellion, _there_ we may trace thy footsteps, O G.o.d of grace.
”No external providence will touch our hard, our deceitful hearts. All that goes under the name of misfortune will but drive us _from_ thee, never _to_ thee, till thou teach us to profit, and lead us by the way that we should go. Thou callest, 'Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings;' but we have been foolish, sottish children, without understanding, wise to do evil, but to do good having no knowledge.
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