Part 13 (1/2)
”APRIL 17.
”I have brought the reality near me, that mine eyes may never behold you again on earth. I can say, even of that, it is well; but the idea of the horrors of tempest, a leaky vessel racked by the storm, and sinking by inches; sickness, nervous timidity, and the sufferings to be undergone before the entrance to the haven of rest be attained, is my chief disquietude, I will not even say distress, because when these horrors--horrors they are to mere nature--dart across my mind, filling my soul with momentary anguish, Satan too seeking to distract my mind, the Spirit of the Lord lifts up a standard against him, and comforts me with his own word, the everlasting promises suited to every possible circ.u.mstance in the believer's lot. Thousands of times have I grasped that promise, 'Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive.' I pleaded it for the life of their souls; He answered my prayers; he has given them life, and they live to him. Yes, I see the fruit, and though iniquities still prevail against them, he still purges away their transgressions; kindles their repentance; humbles their souls; lays them prostrate in penitential confession; washes them afresh in the open fountain; restores to them the joys of his salvation; seals their pardon by shedding abroad his love in their hearts, and making them walk in the path of righteousness for his own name's sake.
”Thus he carries them on from strength to strength by various means of his own appointing, and some terrible things in righteousness, in the course of his providence; in all which he is sovereign, but ever consistent with his new covenant name, as proclaimed to Moses on the mount, as manifested in the character of G.o.d dwelling with us in our own nature, in whom mercy shone prominent; by which mercy they shall appear in Zion, before G.o.d, in due time.
”Is it so? Is this G.o.d my G.o.d, and the G.o.d of my seed? Is he himself become our salvation? Are we heirs of G.o.d and joint-heirs with Christ? Is our life hid with Christ in G.o.d? When he appears, shall we, I and the children which he hath given me, in very deed appear with him in glory? Is all this so, and shall I tremble at the approach of any of his providences? Shall I not say when it has taken place, 'The will of the Lord be done,' especially when clothed with love? I trust that as my day, so shall my strength be, and in the interim I have the same confidence for you; for 'he giveth power to the faint, and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.'”
”APRIL 25.
”The wind roars and howls in my windows, though not facing the storm, and the white waves in the river picture in my mind the foaming billows of the ocean. The name of our G.o.d is my consolation: 'though the waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof, there is a river the streams whereof shall make glad the city of G.o.d. G.o.d shall help her, and that right early.' When I walk about Zion, and go round about her, when I tell the towers thereof, mark her bulwarks, and consider her palaces, my heart rejoices that 'this G.o.d is our G.o.d; he will be our guide even unto death; and O the joy that my children are the citizens of this Zion, and the heirs of all the promises by virtue of the new testament in Christ's blood. A covenant of works it was to our Surety, and his heart's blood finished the requisites of it. It is now a testament to you, sealed by the same blood. Wherever in his word I meet the character, the providence, the work of G.o.d, I read my own and my children's interest. I hope your experience shall be in Psalm 107:28.
If not wholly, it shall terminate in Psalm 23:4. Though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you shall fear no evil, for this G.o.d, who is your guide even unto death, shall be with you, his rod and staff shall comfort you; and our darling Jessy he shall carry as a lamb in his arms, and hide her from the horrors, in his bosom. I dwell much on these subjects, and I feel comforted, whatever be the event.
”If the Lord has carried you safe through, and you live to read this in the body, know that our G.o.d continues to bless us abundantly in health, peace, and plenty, as to temporals; we also experience the peace of his covenant, and have tastes of the bread and of the water of life. Thanks, all thanks to our new covenant Head for the stability of the covenant; we change, but he changeth not. He himself is the covenant given to the people, and because he lives, his people shall live also, in spite of Satan and his colleague sin in our hearts: sin may, and does bring his people into captivity, but it shall not keep them in bondage for ever. The time of deliverance shall come, when they shall revive as the corn. Oh, is it not a well-ordered covenant, and sure?”
Her next letter gives an ill.u.s.tration of fidelity in a difficult, and, it is to be feared, much-neglected duty.
”MAY 10, 1801.
”MY DEAR CHILDREN--Last evening was preparation sermon. Mr. Y---- preached a very excellent sermon from the Song of Solomon, 'Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?' First the wilderness of this world, next the church coming up, then the att.i.tude leaning, and on whom; I thought the simile well supported, and practical, as he went on. His application was rich on the Christian's support, where he brought into view many of the names of Christ.
”After sermon we witnessed a most affecting scene; two female members rebuked and restored to the communion of the church. Never, never did our dear Mr. M---- s.h.i.+ne so bright in my eyes; many tears were shed. I knew nothing of it, and wondered to what he was leading, when he addressed the congregation, after sermon, upon Christian walk, watchfulness, and temptation, and the distress occasioned in Christian society when any of the members were left to fall into open and aggravated sin. Such was the case in our own congregation: two, naming the offenders, had been so far left; but while deeply wounded by the sin and scandal, he was consoled by their penitence: he a.s.sured the congregation that they had given great evidence of deep contrition; and were now come forward to acknowledge their crime before their offended and grieved brethren, and to give all the satisfaction in their power, by submitting to the censure of the church in this public manner, which, although painful to him, he must p.r.o.nounce according to G.o.d's appointment. 'Them who sin before all, rebuke before all.' He then asked them to rise; scarce an individual turned to look; many were weeping while he laid before them their guilt in strong, yet tender terms; and finished by expressing his approbation of their thus submitting to the rod, and exhorting them to humility and redoubled watchfulness. Then again he addressed the members, requesting them to receive into their Christian love and affection their repenting, returning sisters; that they would treat them with tenderness, and restore them in the spirit of meekness, considering themselves as also in the body and subject to temptation. 'Let no one put them in remembrance of the sin which the Father of mercies has blotted out, nor open those wounds which he has closed,' 'He doth not chide continually, nor retain his anger for ever.'
”May the Lord bless the discipline of his church; may he meet us to-morrow with multiplied pardons: may he melt our hearts to contrition, heal our backslidings, and manifest himself as married unto us; may he bring us into his banqueting house and his banner over us be love; may his grace be magnified and his name glorified; and may he send a portion to my dear children--yea, a Benjamin's portion; may he open wide the leaves of that new testament, and let them read their rich inheritance and rejoice in their portion.
”Farewell, my dear children. The Lord bless you, keep you, guide you, and cause his face to s.h.i.+ne on you, prays your affectionate mother.”
The following to the same, was written while on a visit to a worldly friend:
”MAY 21, 1801.
”I would fain begin to hope that my children are now on, or near the green fields of Albion. Many a severe gale has agitated them, and tried their faith and confidence before this day. But as He who sitteth on the clouds, commanding and governing the elements, is their own G.o.d in covenant, who loves them, careth for them, and perfects what concerns them, I hope they have had much of his presence: I hope they have found, even on the boisterous ocean, amidst the horrors of the swelling deep, agitated with winds and tempests, all things necessary to life and G.o.dliness in these great and precious promises, accompanied by divine power, by which they are made partakers of divine life, and escape the pollution that is in the world through l.u.s.t. I hope they are enriched in experience, and advanced in the divine life, by all they have suffered, and all they have tasted of divine support in their sufferings; that Christ is still more precious, his word more tried, and their confidence in him more established: if so, great is their gain. And our darling J----, being a sharer in the suffering, shall, at her G.o.d's hand, be also a gainer, though it be not evident to our perception. O how rich is the Christian, how inexhaustible his portion! his table is ever furnished, his cup ever full; all is blessing, no curse mingled--that our Surety took to himself; prosperity and adversity, sickness and health, light and darkness, all, all shall bless us, work for our good, turn to our profit, and end in the glory of G.o.d and our unspeakable, inconceivable happiness.
”I have been here a week yesterday; all vegetable nature glows and s.h.i.+nes in the perfection of beauty; flowers, shrubs, trees, grain, gra.s.s, falling waters turning the busy mill, the brook murmuring on its way to the ocean, fit emblem of eternity, all glorify their Creator; and although no such birds as in Britain charm the listening ear, we have some sweet chirpers of his praise; and what is wanting to the ear, is made up to the eye, for in beauty they excel.
”These I may enjoy; with these hold communion; for Oh, spiritual death holds all within these walls in dismal bondage; not one symptom of life appears, but death, as the dry bones in the valley of vision.
Why do I not wrestle more for the Spirit to breathe on them? I do pray: but Oh, formal, formal.”
To the same.
”JUNE 17, 1801.
”MY DEAR CHILDREN--Difficult it is for me to exercise patience: the 23d, of this month will make three months since you waved the handkerchief on board the Mars, off the Battery. I had made up my mind not to give way to expectation short of three months; they are nearly past: how many events take place in that s.p.a.ce of time; how many duties ought to be performed; how many sins are really committed; how guilty to wish to annihilate the time that a certain event may come round. For every moment of time we must account, and not one moment of it can we recall. Much you have seen; much you have suffered; much, perhaps, also enjoyed: for the Lord can give songs in the night, and in a dungeon. 'Surely his salvation is nigh them that fear him;' to them there is no want. The Lord is their shepherd, he feedeth them in green pastures beside the gently flowing waters; if they wander, he restoreth them, perhaps with the rod, but it is the rod of love; they need not be afraid to enter even the valley of the shadow of death; their Shepherd is with them, and his rod, rod of support, and staff shall comfort them.
”I hope this has been a profitable time to you both; that you have seen more of the evil of sin, and of your own hearts, their deceitful double turnings and windings to cover and conceal the enemy of G.o.d and your own souls; more of the extent and spirituality of the divine law, fulfilled indeed in every jot and t.i.ttle by your Surety; but still doubly binding on you as a rule of life in the hand of your Redeemer, who hath bought you to himself, and taken you into his own hands, that you might be a holy people to himself, delivered not merely from the penalty and curse, but from the power and indwelling of sin. I hope you have seen more of the unsearchable riches of Christ in all he has done and is now doing for your and his church's happiness, and of those exceeding great and precious promises by which you are made partakers of the-divine life, and privileged to escape the pollution that is in the world through l.u.s.t; more of the faithfulness of G.o.d, as a G.o.d in Christ, pardoning sin and reconciling you to himself; and day by day, teaching you by his word, Spirit, and providences.
”I am but just beginning to see that I am blind; my own character opening upon me as a sinner, in heart and tongue and conduct, against my G.o.d, my neighbor, and my own soul: how comes it then that I am at ease in G.o.d's world; in health, in peace, in comfort, all in an extraordinary degree as to temporals; and as to spirituals, though grieved with self, my joy in Christ also abounds. Can I believe it?
What can I say; what can I render to the Lord for all his gifts to me?
Nothing can I do, but just take the cup of salvation, calling upon the name of the Lord, and remain an eternal debtor to his grace for spirituals and temporals.”